urbandruid | Entries tagged with the shoulder saga

If there's ever any doubt, you can usually tell that I'm still alive because the books read list gets updated. Sometimes it's the only thing I remember to do on LJ lately.

Things are so crazy I hardly know where to start. I'm doing terribly in my stats class, and half the time I'm too tired and depressed to care. I know I've got to get my shit together or I'm going to end up having to retake this damn class, but it's a lot easier said than done.

If I can get through this week, next week is spring break. I figure some time off can't hurt. I hope it helps.

In other news, my shoulder's doing much better, and my physical therapist kicked me to the curb a couple weeks ago. It's like night and day, how much better my shoulder feels now than it did last year when I first started at PT. I have some exercises I can do when things start to tighten up, and it still kind of amazes me how much they help. It used to hurt so much more! It's not like I miss the pain (um, no, really really don't miss it) but I'm still getting used to not being in pain all the time. It's been nice.

I bought some little one pound weights to use in my exercises at this neat little used sporting goods place in town. The longer the economy sucks, the more stuff I'm getting used if I can, and I know a lot of other people are too. 'Course, we've always been into used stuff at my house- books, CDs, movies, video games- because we're basically cheap, and there's basically nothing wrong with used stuff.

I hear about people who won't even buy a used book or used CD, ever, and I don't get it. Then I think I'd like to have their disposable incomes, you know? I wouldn't mind one of their jobs, either, not that I actually have the time or the energy to work right now. Four units isn't much, but when it's homework-intensive, time-consuming math I'm really struggling with... Yeah.

Speaking of which, I should go see if I can make sense of said homework now.

Still alive. I'm mostly posting randomness on Twitter these days, because it's quicker and easier. Mostly I've been too insanely busy to post anything longer. I've had PT two days a week, doctors' appointments, classes, family stuff... During the week I feel like I'm just running, running, running. Then the weekend hits, and I crash.

Last Saturday we went out to run some errunds, post office, library, stuff like that. Came home, watched some TV, went to bed. Slept pretty much all of Sunday. Seriously. I got up twice, had a snack, maybe took some of my pills (I can't even remember) and went back to sleep. Mom figures we were both exhausted, which she was probably right about, but I really hope it doesn't happen again, because I have stuff to do.

And no Stats homework for the weekend, since we (ugh) had an exam today. Which I think I may even have passed. No thanks to my counselor at Disabling Students. I emailed her Monday asking for her signature on a form that allows me to have extra time for taking my exams. She hasn't gotten back to me yet. It's making me grumpy.

I'm not in love with my class or with my teacher, but so far I'm surviving both.

I was really skeptical about physical therapy for my shoulder, but it's helped a LOT. They stared me off kind of light back in December, and now they're working me with weights and resistance. It's usually not tons of fun, though it can be. I love my PT and his assistant, they're both awesome and take my sarcasm and jokes in stride, which is great. I'm slowly getting better, slowly getting my range of motion back. The shoulder's only had one or two spasms this week, which is a lot better.

I'm not overly fond of my orthopedist, but he's of the opinion that I just need to keep up with the PT, and call him if I have problems, get worse, or stop getting better. Which is fine with me. When I started down this road I was convinced I'd torn something and would need surgery. It's good to be wrong, sometimes.

I'm still in some pain, sometimes a lot of pain, but I have painkillers. I even have a refill, which I'm hoping not to need to use, but we'll see how that goes.

I'm trying not to stress out, which some days works better than others. I'm also trying to clean up and clear out stuff in the house in my (haha) spare time. It really is getting there.

My family is... well, it's my family. Been a bit odd since my aunt & uncle moved out of town, because now it really is just Mom and I dealing with the grandparents. The last couple of times she's gone over there I couldn't deal with coming along. I feel sort of bad about this, but it's true. They're... hanging in. Grandpa bounced back from the pacemaker surgery great, though I think his expectations for how much better he'd feel were a little high. I worry about him, but what the hell is there to do?

Grandma's brother and his wife, my great uncle and great aunt, are coming for a weekend- good Gods, it might even be this one, I'll have to check- and that's always highly entertaining. I love them both, they're a riot. He's Grandma's little brother, and the interactions are hysterical to watch. Hopefully some of the aunts and uncles will come down to see them- probably, since the great aunt & uncle live on the East Coast. It'll be cool to see everybody for a while.

And today... This afternoon is a good day, this morning was kind of a so-so one. Behavioral Stats will do that to you. But overall I've been in a better headspace lately. Getting my shoulder back into shape and losing some of the pain really helps there. It still hurts like a son of a bitch sometimes, but it used to constantly hurt that much. So, progress.

Oh, and I didn't kill any freshmen the first week of school, though I was very tempted with a few. Still not ruling out the possibility of smacking a few people upside the head with the cane, though. :)

Current Mood: tired

So, I have my first physical therapy appointment today. I'm not looking forward to it, obviously, but it's more than that. I can't shake the feeling that it's not going to work. I'd love to be wrong, but I don't think I am. If it was just tendinitis, I think the anti-inflammatories would be doing more for it than they are. I think we wouldn't still see so much inflamation on the MRI and the x-rays. I think it wouldn't be locking up on me and hurting like HELL in 3D. I think maybe I'd be able to wash my hair or brush it or do other kinds of reaching things without it locking up or the pain getting so bad I have to stop whatever I'm doing.

And I'm kicking myself for not telling the ortho guy my doc sent me to, about the locking up, or the occasional inability to brush or dry my hair. Or the fact that sometimes it's impossible to write, and once I had to do it anyway to answer an essay question on a history test, and every fucking letter was torture.

I'm mentioning it to the PT, that's for sure, but I feel stupid for not telling the doctor. Usually I write stuff down, especially when I'm seeing a new doc, but it was finals week, the day of my history final, and I was just... not at my best, let's put it that way.

I just think, from everything I've read, that that kind of weakness and especially the locking up, is a sign of an injury, not tendinitis. I'm afraid it's gonna make a huge difference in diagnosing what's wrong with it, and I fucked up. I don't see the doctor for 6 weeks or so, though it may be sooner if this really doesn't work.

I have these nightmare visions of my arm swelling up like a party balloon, you know? And, not so incidentally, hurting like hell.

Speaking of which, the shoulder would like its morning dose of painkillers, NOW. I need to jump in the shower anyway, and get ready to go. The hot water usually helps. Except it'll lock up at least once... maybe again when I'm trying to hold up the blow dryer...

If I have to ask Mom to help me dry my freaking hair, I will cry.

Gah. Like I was just telling

ashkitty, I'm not in a good headspace lately. Am also in pain, which makes me bitchy. My shoulder's been killing me all day, and a little after I took something for that, I started to get a migraine. Which has proceeded to get worse and worse all freaking day. So I took the other half of the pain pill I took earlier. The doc didn't give me anything but anti-inflmmatories (semi-useless) for my shoulder, so I've been popping left over pain meds from my kidney stone adventures. Which I am just about out of now.

So. Called the doc's office today and talked to one of the nurses who knows me, about asking the NP for some real pain meds. NP is out today, naturally, but she said she'd talk to the MD. She said she should get back to me this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest, but with it being the first Monday after a holiday weekend... Mom's stopping at the pharmacy we use on her way home anyway, so I'm hoping the doc's office had time to call something in, but either didn't have time to call me back yet, or the pharmacy told them I have refills there, so one of us will be in today anyway... This is probably a far-fetched hope, but I'm hanging onto it, coasting along on my second-to-last Vicodin.

Please, gods, please, let there be something. I can put up with a lot, but this pain is just wearing me down. I'm not even the same person when I hurt this much. I also can't get much of anything done.

I keep wanting to- intending to- go on YIM, which is where I think my pals like

leviathanmuse,

g_shadowslayer, and

irreparable hang out. And then I realize that I'm exhausted, and I just hurt too damned much, and that after not chatting with my friends for a while, dumping "evil, pain-suffering, bitchy

urbandruid" on them is not fair. Or nice.

Would you guys mind stoned druid, though? 'Cause I think that's what we're looking at for a while here.

This year has just been insane, and just when it seems like things might calm down, something else crops up. Either I'm having medical issues, or someone else in the family is, or there's other stress-y stuff going on, and I just... Gah. I need a break.

Between the days I don't have classes and the holiday, I had a week straight off of school. It was great. And I'm dreading going back. More than the usual complaints I make all the time about not wanting to go back, I'm... worried about going back. Because school = more stress. As always. And this shit with my shoulder is wearing on me mentally. I'm starting to wonder how much more of this I can take.

Then I break down and sob for a while, and after a bit I feel slightly more able to cope with things.

I've thought about calling my shrink, but honestly, what's she gonna tell me? I'm stressed and that's making my depression worse, I'm hurting a lot and that isn't helping the depression or my mood in general? I'm worrying about everything, even stuff that isn't actually mine, because this is what I do? She can't tell me anything I don't already know. Plus, I haven't seen her in at least a year; updating her on everything would take a couple sessions, and right now I don't have time in my schedule for that.

And these may or may not all be excuses for not going in to see her, but... I probably will call her if I end up needing surgery for my shoulder, because that one, I'm gonna need some help coping with.

Oh yeah, and I have homework. World War II map assignment for history that's due tomorrow, and possibly a test in my psych class. Should probably check my syllabus re: the exam and see. Not that I'm worried about it. We've been covering the psych disorders this unit. *yawn*

Well, today's going to be fun, in the sense of not really.

So my doc thought I just had really bad tendinitis in my right shoulder. Turns out... maybe not. I got one shot back in October, in a place I don't really wanna talk about, which seemed to do wonders for a while there. Then the swelling and the pain started creeping back up... and this is with prescription-strength anti-inflammatory drugs twice a day. So I went back to the doc in early November. Got another shot, which didn't seem to do nearly as much for me as the last one did... and got scheduled for an MRI.

Which I tried to do last week. Only, it turns out? I'm not just slightly claustrophobic, I'm really claustrophobic. So I'm going back today, they're giving me some kind of conscious sedation (I'd prefer unconscious, actually...) and we're gonna try again.

They said I could take my pills in the morning with small sips of water, but what I really need to take my pills (anti-inflammatories included) is food. Which I can't have for six hours before my appointment.

No food, no pills, nothing to drink- and I'm not really all that hungry, but I'm really thirsty. Bringing a bottle of water to have when I get out of there, but it's sure no fun right now.

Oh yeah, and I'm 1.) still scared to death of the MRI machine of doom, and 2.) even more scared that my doc's right, I've torn my rotator cuff, and I might need surgery to fix it.

If I never need another surgery in my LIFE it will be too soon.