urbandruid

Okay. So. I finally got started on the thing, even though I'm finding it easier to do anything but work on the novel. I've gotten a lot of random stuff done since I got on the computer, but very little of it related to the novel. This is gonna be a problem if it goes on like this.

I really want to delete everything I've written so far, and that's just not done. It's hard not deleting it. Physically difficult, not to hit the delete key and watch all these terrible words go away.

I do think I'm gonna have to start over, though. I'll keep the word count, but jeeze, this is beyond terrible and I can't do anything with it.

And if the NaNo site forums could stop giving me errors, that would be fabulous. Just saying. I've tried to post something like three times, and it's not happening. Fine. Not that important anyway.

Maybe almost 4AM, when I'm depressed and can't sleep, isn't the best time to be working on the novel. But once I actually get up for the day (I'm planning on going back to sleep at some point) I'll have to get cracking on some school work. I have a chapter of psych to read and a quiz to take, and some women's studies things I've been neglecting that are kind of due Tuesday. Oh, plus I have to decide for sure what I'm taking next semester, as I register Tuesday afternoon. Joy.

In regards to the novel, what I really want to do is scrap the idea and do something else, but I didn't exactly come into this with a backup plan. So I have no idea what I'm going to do at all. Yeah, this was such a good idea... *sigh*

Okay, I'm going to try and go back to sleep now.

Crossposts: http://urbandruid.livejournal.com/223620.html

Friday afternoon, and I'm here again with my laptop and my boredom. There are things I could be doing, but... yeah. I'm just not really in the mood to stare at the several hundred PowerPoint slides I have to study for next week's Cognitive Psych test. I swear, I can't believe that class is only four units. Seems like it should be five or six for all the stuff we have to do. But maybe that's just me being grumpy.

I couldn't get to sleep last night for the longest time, hence the three chapters of fic I posted over at

aurordark. I was tired of staring at the inside of my eyelids, so I figured I'd get up and do something (somewhat) useful. I was eventually able to get to sleep, but I did not want to get up this morning.

Part of it, I think, is that it's staying dark later and later. The sun wasn't even fully up when I got to school this morning. Normally I don't go in on Fridays, but I had a couple meetings to go to today.

One, with the Assistive Tech guy at Services for Students with Disabilities, went really well. I actually went in to talk to him about these new electronic pens they have now, which can transfer your notes to computer. But after talking with him, I decided it wasn't going to work for me. He did have some really awesome ideas about how I can keep up with my notetaking, though. It's been driving me crazy that I can't get every word down, but I literally cannot write fast enough. So I'm not going to anymore.

I'm going to take my laptop or my Kindle and a Bluetooth keyboard and type my notes. I'm also ~~stealing~~ borrowing Mom's camera to take pictures of the whiteboard so I don't have to rely on my crappy drawing skills to copy diagrams and such.

I seriously wanted to hug him for that suggestion. And he apologized to me for the e-pen thing not working out. I was like, no, no, this is awesome, you've been so much help, thank you!

Now I just need to talk to my teachers and make sure they're cool with me typing my notes. I think they'll be alright with it once I explain the circumstances, but the thing is, given my disability, it doesn't really matter what their policies on tech in the classroom are. I have the right to reasonable accomidations, and that covers things like laptop use- even in classes where the professors don't want laptops being used. I'll try the nice approach first, and honestly with these profs I don't think I'll have any trouble, but I have backup in the form of the DSS office if I need it. Which is good to know, and takes a lot of the weight off my shoulders.

All in all I'm doing better today than I was yesterday. I feel productive for a change, like I"ve actually gotten things done. And they're things that are going to help me out in the long run.

I've got about half an hour before my second meeting, which is actually a psychology club workship where we're going to talk about classes for next semester, share dirt on what profs are awesome and which ones should be avoided at all costs, that sort of thing. Should be interesting. I register on November 4th, and I only have the most vague idea of what I'm taking. I know, I know... that's bad of me, I should have it more together than this. It's just that I get so caught up in the day-to-day school stuff, that I forget to plan ahead.

One thing I'm probably not going to do, which I'd considered, was a Women's Studies minor. I really wanted to do it, but it's 20 more units, and I'd have to take another research methods class. I loathed the psych one- though I did seem to have gotten the guy who's arguably the worst teacher of that class in the whole department. I haven't heard a good word about the guy from anyone who had that class with him, which at least makes me feel somewhat vindicated in thinking he's a nit-picky jerk. Anyway. I don't want to hang around for the extra semesters 20 more units would take me to complete, but I think I'm going to take a couple of random women's studies classes that appeal to me. I'm looking at one for next semester, History of Feminism, that looks pretty cool. If I'm really lucky the WS teacher I have this semester will be teaching that too. I really like her, she's very good.

I'll probably never take another class from the Cog Psych prof, but that's a whole 'nother story.

When I woke up this morning I really was regretting my decision to schedule the meeting with the tech guy, and to go to the club workshop, but now that I'm here and I've managed to survive most of the day without killing anyone or dying of boredom, I'm glad that I came. I got some very helpful information and suggestions from my meeting at DSS, and I don't see how the psych club workshop could fail to benefit me.

Plus, I'd just have sat around in my PJs all day if I'd stayed home, watching crap on TV and moping around the house. Sometimes I think it's good for me to get out of the house and have to be around people, even though sometimes I'm not awesome at that either.

I will say, though, that I'll be glad when this day is over and I can go home. It's been a really long week.

Also my arm is kinda sore from the flu shot I got yesterday at the health center, though it's much better today. It only hurts if I raise my arm past a certain point, which is much less annoying than the flu would be. Now I just have to hope everybody else on campus got their free flu shots and aren't spreading it around classes or the common areas. As I discovered last year- or was it the year before last? I don't remember- you can still get the flu if you get a shot, but it's much less horrible. More "hey, I feel kinda crappy" and less "OMG kill me now my hair hurts and I'm throwing up air." The latter of which, I've also had in the past, and, yeah, I'd love to never have to experience that again.

I guess I should start hiking across campus for the workshop soon. I'm just not that enthusiastic about the idea. I mean, I want to go, yeah, but it's literally on the other side of campus. But I chose to spend the day on this side of campus anyway because all that's out on that side are the science buildings. Oh, and the agriculture departments. There's no food over there unless you count the vending machines. Besides, the library has a Starbuck's.

I'm getting so spoiled in college, I swear. :)

Crossposts: http://urbandruid.livejournal.com/224192.html

So... I seem to keep going for ages and ages between updates lately. It's not that there hasn't been anything to say, more like there's been too much and I hardly know where to start.

I'm writing this on one of the school laptops because I didn't feel like bringing mine today. The college has this cool thing where you can check out a laptop from the library for a few hours, it's really awesome. You can take them anywhere on campus, as long as you have them back by the time they're due. And do not be late, the fine is insane. (No, I've never been late with one, but it's posted on a big sign by the checkout counter.)

Anyway. School has been my main focus since I started back in August. I always try to take a couple easy classes and one more difficult one, and I always end up having more work to do then I think I will. Add that to the fact that it's midterm/paper season, as I call it, and... yeah. I'm lucky if I can catch my breath lately.

But things are better. Last month I had a sinus infection which wasn't properly diagnosed, so by the time they got me antibiotics, the first round didn't work and I had to go for a second, higher grade antibiotic to kick the infection. While still going to class, taking exams, writing papers... you know, life as usual. So that was fun.

Then there was the anniversary of my grandfather's death. If you've been following me on Facebook you know he died last September. We knew it was coming eventually, but he had a bad fall with a head injury, and just never recovered from it. I miss him. I think about him a lot when I'm at school because he used to teach out here, and I just... I wish he could have... Well, hell. I wish he'd never gotten Alzheimer's, that was the start, you know? Fucking horrible disease.

My family is coping mostly okay...now. But it was pretty rough for a while, especially for Mom and Grandma. I still worry about them sometimes, but it's me, I worry about everything and everybody.

You know, sometimes I think I'd just like to totally erase 2013. It pretty much sucked start to finish, with a few exceptions. And I'm not really thinking of any particularly good ones right now. All that stands out in my memory is the bad stuff. There was a lot of bad.

So... Mostly I post on Facebook these days (drop me a comment or an email and I'll shoot you the link) or on Twitter at @technomagecray. Both are friendslocked, but if I know you, I'll add you. Fair warning though, Twitter is where I mostly bitch about things I can't bitch about on Facebook because Mom and my aunt read it now. The joys of family networking. No, really I don't mind, I made the decision to add them, it just changes what I post a little. That and I don't totally trust Facebook's security to be as secure as they say it is. I don't want stuff coming back to haunt me later, so I'm careful about what I post.

I guess I'm still trying to come to grips with everything that happened last year- my cat Samantha dying, my grandfather dying, the break-in and everything that we lost...

Today my Women's Studies prof said something about how there should be support groups for break-ins. Yeah, no shit. I'm not going to try and claim it's as traumatic as some other crimes that people could experience, but it was a major thing for me.

Mostly what I am these days is angry.

Well, no. Not angry.

Furious. Pissed, white-hot rage furious. That people could come into my house- my house! and take things we'd worked and saved for, and just shatter that sense of security that everybody ought to be able to enjoy in their own homes. Sometimes I start to think I've gotten over it, and then something will remind me, or I'll notice something else missing, and it's just like, really? Really, you bastards? You had to steal my favorite tote bag, too? Probably put my (stolen) Mac and Mom's (stolen) Toshiba in there. Fuckers.

The things I really can't get over losing are the sentimental items, and the laptop. Not so much the laptops themselves as what was on them, before I had the sense to back stuff up. I lost years of writing- and I know, you're all tired of hearing about it. Plus I should have backed up more often, which is just- yeah, I know. But seriously?

I'm lucky, that's the thing I have to keep reminding myself of. I was lucky not to be found and hurt, or worse. I get that. I just... Yeah. I hope they catch them someday, but I'll never know if they do or not. I didn't get that good of a look at the one who came to the door, and the neighbor saw them from across the street. Unless we get really lucky... *sigh* I think the police will probably catch them one of these days, because people who kick in doors in broad freaking daylight are just not that smart. But they'll never be able to tie them to our break-in unless they were stupid enough to keep some of our stuff and get caught with it. Makes me wish I'd had my initials engraved on the back of that pentagram necklace they swiped from my room. I figure karma will get their asses in the end, I just wish I could know about it.

...Yeah, this entry is a massive downer, and I apologize. Hopefully I'll have some better news soon.

Let's see. The psychology club is having a get-together tomorrow afternoon so we can all talk about what classes to take next semester, what professors are good, and stuff like that. Should be fun. It's a great group of people and I have a good time every time we get together, even if it's just an informational meeting. I went ice skating with them last year, fell on my ass and got off the ice real fast, but had a great time anyway.

I've been sick for every event they've had this semester, which sucks, but I'm hoping that's over. I am so tired of being sick.

Other news. I'm starting to look into graduate programs, which is scary as hell but necessary at this point in my career. The really scary thing is that I'm going to have to leave home, because the only school around here that offers a doctorate in clinical psych is a for-profit school, and, no. Plus my stalker is going there, and...yeah. Would prefer never to see her again if possible. It's bad enough she's at the college I'm at now, but it's a big place so I don't see her that much. And at this point I think she's more afraid of me than I am of her. That temper of mine was finally good for something- I think I scared the shit out of her the last time I spoke to her, when I told her to stay the hell away from me. At great volume.

Anyway. Grad school. Where I really want to go is UC Berkeley, but we'll see if they let me in. Not only do they have a great program, but the public transportation in the city is awesome, which is pretty much a requirement for anywhere I end up due to the whole no-driving thing. Which I'm coming to accept is going to be a permanent state of affairs for me. They just can't sharpen my usable vision up enough for me to even qualify for a restricted license, plus there's the whole practically blind in one eye thing. It just scares me too much to even think abot trying to drive with one good eye, even if they'd let me. So I've got to go somewhere where the public transit is good enough that I don't need to drive.

I've heard some nightmare stories about grad school, though. One of my professors, who's from a town around here, ended up in Kansas. Kansas. Another prof ended up in Tennessee, but that was Vanderbilt. I think I'd go to Vanderbilt if they let me in. Well, not if I got into Berkeley, too, but I would consider a good school. I kinda feel like they should be fighting over me, to be honest. I'm an awesome student, any program would be lucky to have me, right? ;)

I think I'm going to try and do NaNoWriMo again this year. I've done it once, but it's been a long time and I think I'm ready to give it another go. Even though it's in November, and that's a heavy month for school, what with being the month before finals and all. And even though I'm always busy as hell in November. I have a lot of free time in my days too, especially the ones when I have class- I'm on campus all day, and have very little to do aside from homework and reading in between classes.

Of course, I don't exactly have an idea yet, or not much of one. There's an old novel attempt I might restart, that I've been toying with since high school, but I dunno. It's this YA dystopian thing, and there are, what, a billion of those out there now? I should've written it in the 90's, and sold it when the dystopian craze first hit. (And why does the Firefox spellchecker not know 'dystpoian'? Stupid thing, I am ignoring you.) Anyway. It's about this girl and her friends, who mostly used the internet to communicate. In some versions they went to high school together, but split up to go to different colleges, and in other versions they only knew each other through the net. But they were the only real friends my main character had, so when the Evil Government hits and things to to hell, she tries to find them.

Anybody want a cameo? I promise not to kill you off unless you want me to. ;)

Yeah, the more I think about this, the more I think I'll do it. Why the hell not, right? I need to write something beside fanfic. And I'm still writing a good bit of fanfic (see

aurordark) these days. My obsessions go in cycles- this past summer I had seaQuest DSV nostalgia, now I'm all about Gundam Wing. Not sure what'll be next, once the GW bug burns itself out. Maybe I'll get back to the Honor Harrington fic nobody reads, or the Harry Potter stuff. I like fanfic, though. It's fun, it can be frivilious or serious, and it lets me play with a lot of different things- styles of writing, tone, POV... yeah. This should be an

aurordark entry. I'll probably go over there and ramble a bit on the subject when I finish this one.

Honestly at this point I'm just killing time till I can go home. I have no homework at the moment, and am not in the mood to do my psych reading. So, you get a tl;dr update. Sorry 'bout that.

I love October. I think in some ways it's my favorite month. It's finally cooling off a little, though I guess that's subjective- it's supposed to be 81 degrees today. But at least it's not 90, and it is cold in the mornings. I finally put my sandals away for the season and dug out my hoodies. Gods I love hoodie season.

I have an exam the day before Halloween, and a psych club meeting on Halloween itself. That should be entertaining. I'm not really sure if I'll do a costume- probably not. If my blazer still fit I'd dust off the Psi Cop outfit I came up with one year and see if anybody recognized it. I actually got somebody who did one year, it was great.

Otherwise I'm going to dye my hair a nice crimson red, dress all in black, and tell people I'm Sydney Bristow. And see if anyone knows who the hell that is.

I like my costumes obscure, apparently.

Okay, I think that's enough rambling for now. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. :)

Current Mood: bored
Crossposts: http://urbandruid.livejournal.com/222621.html

Jeeze, LJ got messed up since the last time I bothered posting anything. Anyway...

Yes, I'm still alive. It's just that life has been crazily busy lately. It's also sucked a hell of a lot.

I have finals this week. I don't want to have finals this week. Actually, I don't want to have finals ever, but that's a whole 'nother story, I guess. I'm only really worried about one final, and of course it's today.

I guess I'll be glad when it's over.

I just can't help thinking how hanging out with my cat always helped me de-stress this time of year. I miss my kitty.

Somedays it feels like it's getting easier. Other days... not so much.

Crossposts: http://urbandruid.livejournal.com/220411.html

I'm sorry this is going to be so scattered and all over the place, but that's just the way it is. I haven't written for too long, and there's too much going on.

Practically all semester (since the end of August, anyway) I've been doing exactly what the doctors told me to do, and trying really hard not to do what I was told not to do. I've been taking it easy on the typing and especially on the writing things out longhand. I've tried to moderate my computer use, and people who know me know that that's a lot to ask.

And honestly? At the risk of fucking my hand up even more, I just- I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I'm tired and I'm stressed, it's two in the morning and I'm not sleeping, and I need this. I need to write. Need to do something.

Because, really? Behaving myself isn't helping as much as you might think. Long story short- I smacked the hell out of my right wrist in late August. I figured I'd broken it, hairline fracture or something. As if any of my medical problems could be that normal. Nope. It turned out to have aggravated something I've probably had for a long time, called a ganglion cyst. Which after taking a while to figure out what it was, the nice doc at the school health center stabbed a needle into and drained in October. And we figured, okay, the hand situation will get better now, right? The swelling will go down and the pain will go away, and it'll just- not be such a pain in the ass. Yeah. Didn't happen. Instead the swelling got worse, two fingers and my thumb started to go numb.

And I started to drop stuff. Just- sitting there and watching it go, like someone else had dropped it. Except it was me. Because suddenly I have no control over my own body, or at least my right hand.

So, now I have a new specialist for my collection. Orthopedist #2. Ortho #1 does knees and shoulders, I needed a hand specialist. So. I saw him... like a month ago, I think? Got myself scheduled for an (yet another) MRI and a nerve conduction test, because in addition to Return of the Cyst from Hell, he thinks I have carpal tunnel. Too.

So, Chris, you ask, do you have carpal tunnel? No clue. Because I don't see the doc again until the 4th of December. Yeah. So I have two weeks from this past Tuesday to go. Hanging out with my falling-apart brace from the student health center at school, hoarding the painkillers the doc there gave me for the really bad days.

Wondering if I'm going to need one hand surgery, or two. The number of surgeries I actually want? Zero.

And on top of it, one of the main ways I calm myself down, one of the main ways I keep myself together and just cope with things... is writing. Which I'm supposed to do as little of as possible. Which, yeah, I've been trying. And I just can't do it anymore. I'm typing with my brace on now, and it's slower than I'm used to, and I'm making more mistakes, but at least I'm getting some of this out. Other than talking to my new therapist, or my best friend at school, and my mom, I haven't been able to get a lot of it out. And there's a limit to how much shit I feel like I can dump on my friend L and my mom.

It's been a long semester, my first at real college. And the second or third week this happens, the start of the hand saga, and things have been insane ever since. I got to have someone else take my notes for a month when we thought the hand was broken, but after that- with nobody being able to say for sure what was wrong yet, there was no doctor to sign the Disabled Students form. Nobody to say, let's take a little pressure off this woman, let's make her do a few less things with the hand of doom. I have the form, which I'll make the ortho do something with when I see him in December. But right now I'm stuck doing everything. The only saving grace is that in the one class where I really have to take notes, he uses PowerPoint, and puts the slides online for us to print out. So I only have to write down everything that isn't on the slides.

Still, on the days when the hand is really bad, you can't imagine how much it hurts to write. How much it hurts to fill in the little bubbles on Scrantons for my tests. And thank GOD there are no essay questions.

My psych prof has us doing 'mind maps', these drawings to illustrate the concepts from our reading in our two textbooks. You ever try to draw with (probable) carpal tunnel and a cyst on your wrist? It's a bitch.

The whole thing is a bitch, to be perfectly honest. I'm unbelievably tired of all of it. I am finally, finally on break for Thanksgiving. I've only been looking forward to this for months, because dragging your ass through six units of upper division classes and learning your way around a new college is enough fun without the stress of constant, chronic pain. And the stress of the whole unknown 'what the hell is wrong with me this time and what are they going to have to do to me to fix it?'

But at least I've got some time now, and I'm going to try to do some fun stuff with that time. I've discovered I can't just not write, so I'm going to try typing in moderation (she says, working on this huge journal post, but whatever) and see how that goes. I've gotta do something, you know?

Current Mood: sore
Crossposts: http://urbandruid.livejournal.com/219709.html

None of my icons are really grumpy or sarcastic enough for how I feel right now. Guess I should do something about that at some point. (Note to self: dump some of the BSG crap and upload a Snape icon or ten.)

Anyway.

So I was right about why my knee feels even more like crap than usual. Stupid temp. One of the regular people was back yesterday, and when I told her where the temp had put the electrodes- right on my bad knee, not on the muscles around it- she freaked out a bit. Yeah, I'd thought that was the problem, too. We also figured out why it didn't bother me right away- because we use heat or ice with the E-stim, and the knee had already been bugging me that day, so when the temp gave me a choice, I asked for ice. (If the PT had been there, I wouldn't have gotten to make that call- oh wait, the temp wouldn't have been around to screw up if he'd been there. Never mind.)

I'm so pissed about this I can't even tell you. The last thing I needed was another setback, especially when I'm starting back to school so soon. (Which, yeah, I'm trying not to think about yet, but still.) I'm going into my last semester at City (thank Gods!) and in order to graduate in May I need to be able to get through one more PE class, Dance Conditioning. I also, for the sake of my sanity, really need to be able to get back to ballet. I'm pissed enough that if not for the knee my teacher would've moved me up a level, but having to sit out most of the semester, he didn't think I was ready. I can't argue- I'm not ready. But I could've been, and that's what burns.

It's not that I'm a brilliant dancer, but I've been taking class for a year now, and I'm getting a lot better. And it's become a great stress relief, a great way to get away from everything else for a while. I've had a harder time dealing, without it, and it seems like things have only gotten crazier since I hurt my knee. I guess that's just my luck, that I need it more when I'm less able to do it.

I need to have a long chat with my PT about the ballet class and the dance conditioning one, which I'd hoped to be able to do this week, but he's still on vacation. Apparently everybody else is going to take Friday off, too, because I was supposed to have my second appointment of the week then, but they made me reschedule. Not happy. Also not happy that my new appointment is next Thursday. The idea of taking basically a week off from PT does not thrill me. Sure, I need to let my knee calm down a little, and I've got exercises to do at home (a lot of exercises, to be honest with you) but there's stuff I do at PT that I can't do at home.

I'm actually almost tempted to call my grandmother and ask her if I can use the gym at her place, since they've got a treadmill and an exercise bike, and I sure as hell don't. Maybe this weekend, since we'll be over there anyway for New Years' stuff... But the idea that I'm worried enough about my knee to be willing to put up with Grandma... Yeah, that frightens me a little.

In other news, I'm going out today with a friend. Yeah, nobody faint. We met in the hell that was Behavioral Stats, survived it together, and are looking forward to slogging through Health 1 this coming semester. I figure we can keep each other awake. Anyway, we're going out to lunch, and then, honestly, I dunno what we're gonna do. I'm so bored I'm about to go stir crazy, so I really don't care what we do.

Even if we spend all day watching DVDs at her place. I won't be stuck at my house.

Current Mood: frustrated
Crossposts: http://urbandruid.livejournal.com/218858.html

Dear Disabling Students,

Do you think it would be too much trouble for you to send my last Stats exam before the final BACK to my teacher? Because right now I have a big fat zero for a test I probably aced, it's bringing my grade down when it just went UP, and I'm FURIOUS.

I've spent most of the day having panic attacks, freaking out, and curled up in my chair sobbing, but I'm really over that, and now I'm just PISSED. I know it's the end of the semester and you're busy, and I DON'T CARE. I need to know what I got on this test so I know what my grade is going into the final; I expect it to go up and I'd planned on doing some celebrating this weekend, but nooo, you have to get all stupid and lackadaisical about everything as usual, just when I most need you to actually DO YOUR JOBS.

It's actually really easy. I took the test. I saw you put it in the envelope. Now put the envelope in the prof's mailbox so he can POST MY FREAKING GRADE.

I'll be back on campus on Tuesday to take my Stats final. I'll also be seeing you charming people. So you might want to have it fixed by then. Just sayin'.

No love,
Me.

Current Mood: pissed off

I don't know how to say this. I've been trying to find the words for it maybe since Christmas, when I knew something was wrong. Or at least since New Years', when I learned what it was.

Around New Years' we found out that Grandpa can't stay in the apartment at the retirement home with Grandma anymore, that he's slipped too far. We started making plans to move him into the Alzheimer's assisted living unit. Had a meeting there with the social worker who runs it, even my aunt and uncle drove down for it. It's a nice place, a very nice place actually, as these things go. I think Grandpa will be safe there, and maybe, someday, he might be happy there. It's the best we can hope for, and I'm so thankful my grandparents have the money to afford this kind of care.

But a part of me hates everything about this. Sure, I knew it was coming, someday, but actually facing it is something else. Especially when Grandpa doesn't want to go. He's still with it enough to understand on some level that he has to go there, to live, and he doesn't want to go. And it breaks my heart. It's breaking everybody's heart.

And tomorrow his room is finally ready. Grandma moved some stuff down last night, nothing heavy I hope, because hell, that's all we need, for her to throw her back out or something. Tomorrow, Mom and my uncle John, and I, are helping them move furniture and whatnot.

I'm dreading it. I'm dreading the reality of it, of moving my grandfather into a place he has to be, and leaving him there. Dreading leaving him behind a door you need a code to get in and out of. I'm afraid he'll be upset, that he'll forget or not understand why he has to stay there, and why we can't. I'm afraid I will lose it and start crying, and he won't understand why. Or, maybe worse, that he will.

And because I can't have just a family crisis, I have my own. I'm a lot better from the cold from hell I've had, but I'm still coughing. Mom is pretty bad with it still. (Mom also has hypothyroidism and pre-diabetes, which we're also trying to cope with.) And me? I'm severely, deeply depressed. I have a C in Behavioral Stats that I'm struggling and maybe going to fail to keep. (I also have a test today that I kinda sorta partway understand the material for.) I'm also sucking at ballet, and too tired/depressed/whatever to practice like I should.

It looks so simple written out there like that. I am profoundly depressed. But those words encompass my whole world, sometimes. The part where I have to struggle to get out of bed. The part where I wonder why the hell I should bother. The part where I drag myself through classes, and homework, hours spent in the library killing time, when sometimes I'm not doing my homework, even though I should, because I just can't. I open the book, pull out my pencil and paper and calculator, and then I just stare at them. Sometimes I take a stab at some problems, sometimes not.

If I can't do the work, I can't pass this class. I try not to think about that too hard.

I have good days, relatively speaking, days when I almost feel normal. I can tell that today's not going to be one of them.

It's going to rain. Probably a lot. And I have to take the bus home. The bus, which has been an hour late far more often than it's been on time this semester. But I have to go. I have a test to take, then an hour of class to try and get through. And hope I understand.

And tomorrow... Mom's taking me to my ballet class at the college, then- I can't even remember if she's going over to the folks' after she drops me off or not. Probably we're not going till I'm out of class. Dunno, I'll ask her I guess. Anyway, I'm dreading that, and then I feel guilty for dreading it.

Oh, and did I forget to mention we're all worried as hell about Grandma, too? Because she's been forgetful and spacey for a while now. Too. She's always been a bit of a flake, but lately it's gotten really bad. We're all hoping she'll be better once she's not Grandpa's 24/7 caretaker anymore. We're hoping. Because if not...

Mom and I joke about a couple's suite at the Alzheimer's unit. But it may actually not be that funny, except in the black humor sort of way that we have. And that scares the hell out of me, too.

Meanwhile, I get to drag myself to school and take my exam, like everything is normal in my life. I don't even know what that word means anymore, and probably wouldn't recognize normal if it bit me.

So, yeah. All my weeks have been hard lately, one way or another, but this one... This one's gonna be really, really hard.

If there's ever any doubt, you can usually tell that I'm still alive because the books read list gets updated. Sometimes it's the only thing I remember to do on LJ lately.

Things are so crazy I hardly know where to start. I'm doing terribly in my stats class, and half the time I'm too tired and depressed to care. I know I've got to get my shit together or I'm going to end up having to retake this damn class, but it's a lot easier said than done.

If I can get through this week, next week is spring break. I figure some time off can't hurt. I hope it helps.

In other news, my shoulder's doing much better, and my physical therapist kicked me to the curb a couple weeks ago. It's like night and day, how much better my shoulder feels now than it did last year when I first started at PT. I have some exercises I can do when things start to tighten up, and it still kind of amazes me how much they help. It used to hurt so much more! It's not like I miss the pain (um, no, really really don't miss it) but I'm still getting used to not being in pain all the time. It's been nice.

I bought some little one pound weights to use in my exercises at this neat little used sporting goods place in town. The longer the economy sucks, the more stuff I'm getting used if I can, and I know a lot of other people are too. 'Course, we've always been into used stuff at my house- books, CDs, movies, video games- because we're basically cheap, and there's basically nothing wrong with used stuff.

I hear about people who won't even buy a used book or used CD, ever, and I don't get it. Then I think I'd like to have their disposable incomes, you know? I wouldn't mind one of their jobs, either, not that I actually have the time or the energy to work right now. Four units isn't much, but when it's homework-intensive, time-consuming math I'm really struggling with... Yeah.

Speaking of which, I should go see if I can make sense of said homework now.

Still alive. I'm mostly posting randomness on Twitter these days, because it's quicker and easier. Mostly I've been too insanely busy to post anything longer. I've had PT two days a week, doctors' appointments, classes, family stuff... During the week I feel like I'm just running, running, running. Then the weekend hits, and I crash.

Last Saturday we went out to run some errunds, post office, library, stuff like that. Came home, watched some TV, went to bed. Slept pretty much all of Sunday. Seriously. I got up twice, had a snack, maybe took some of my pills (I can't even remember) and went back to sleep. Mom figures we were both exhausted, which she was probably right about, but I really hope it doesn't happen again, because I have stuff to do.

And no Stats homework for the weekend, since we (ugh) had an exam today. Which I think I may even have passed. No thanks to my counselor at Disabling Students. I emailed her Monday asking for her signature on a form that allows me to have extra time for taking my exams. She hasn't gotten back to me yet. It's making me grumpy.

I'm not in love with my class or with my teacher, but so far I'm surviving both.

I was really skeptical about physical therapy for my shoulder, but it's helped a LOT. They stared me off kind of light back in December, and now they're working me with weights and resistance. It's usually not tons of fun, though it can be. I love my PT and his assistant, they're both awesome and take my sarcasm and jokes in stride, which is great. I'm slowly getting better, slowly getting my range of motion back. The shoulder's only had one or two spasms this week, which is a lot better.

I'm not overly fond of my orthopedist, but he's of the opinion that I just need to keep up with the PT, and call him if I have problems, get worse, or stop getting better. Which is fine with me. When I started down this road I was convinced I'd torn something and would need surgery. It's good to be wrong, sometimes.

I'm still in some pain, sometimes a lot of pain, but I have painkillers. I even have a refill, which I'm hoping not to need to use, but we'll see how that goes.

I'm trying not to stress out, which some days works better than others. I'm also trying to clean up and clear out stuff in the house in my (haha) spare time. It really is getting there.

My family is... well, it's my family. Been a bit odd since my aunt & uncle moved out of town, because now it really is just Mom and I dealing with the grandparents. The last couple of times she's gone over there I couldn't deal with coming along. I feel sort of bad about this, but it's true. They're... hanging in. Grandpa bounced back from the pacemaker surgery great, though I think his expectations for how much better he'd feel were a little high. I worry about him, but what the hell is there to do?

Grandma's brother and his wife, my great uncle and great aunt, are coming for a weekend- good Gods, it might even be this one, I'll have to check- and that's always highly entertaining. I love them both, they're a riot. He's Grandma's little brother, and the interactions are hysterical to watch. Hopefully some of the aunts and uncles will come down to see them- probably, since the great aunt & uncle live on the East Coast. It'll be cool to see everybody for a while.

And today... This afternoon is a good day, this morning was kind of a so-so one. Behavioral Stats will do that to you. But overall I've been in a better headspace lately. Getting my shoulder back into shape and losing some of the pain really helps there. It still hurts like a son of a bitch sometimes, but it used to constantly hurt that much. So, progress.

Oh, and I didn't kill any freshmen the first week of school, though I was very tempted with a few. Still not ruling out the possibility of smacking a few people upside the head with the cane, though. :)

Current Mood: tired

So. September 11th. Yeah. Moving on.

I've had an interesting week. Two tests, one in each class (thank GODS they were on different days, though like a dork I misread my syllabus and thought BOTH were Tuesday *headdesk*)

I'm mostly recovered from my cold, though I'm still coughing.

My aunt and uncle are moving. Out of town. In the next couple of weeks.

My grandfather is getting a pacemaker. In the next couple of weeks. (Aunt & Uncle will be gone by then, though.)

Next Friday I have to see my guidance counselor at school about appealing my financial aid denial, so they can pay me for the measly two semesters I figure I have left to go at City. Argh, argh, argh! Even if I DO get it back, they've screwed me for work study for this year- all the good jobs will be taken already. And ALL the good campus jobs are work study. *headdesk*

I go back to the allergy & asthma clinic of doom in a couple weeks, when I'm going to have a lovely chat with whatever doctor deigns to see me, about what the hell is wrong with me and what they're gonna do about it.

And I have to go out to dinner with my family now.

ARGH!

It's the day of my biopsych final, and the stolen-credit-card-mess is the thing that wouldn't die. The bank in its infinite wisdom (later for them...) marked two charges that were legit as fraudulent. Even after I told them, IN WRITING, that said charges were okay. Which is just annoying, except for the fact that they were Paypal charges. Paypal, wanting to 'protect' me from these 'unauthorized transactions' has frozen my account TWICE in the past two days- once for each 'bogus' charge. With me so far? I talked to the bank on FRIDAY, and they put the charges back. Okay and dandy as far as they're concerned, but Paypal filed chargebacks to my poor harmless eBay sellers. Who would now, obviously, like their money. And I would like them to have it.

So what do I have to do? Print two affidavits, get them notarized, and fax them to Paypal. THEN (I hope) this crap will go away.

Did I mention that today is the day of my COMPREHENSIVE BIOPSYCH FINAL? And I really wasn't that stressed about finals week, because I got to skip the Women's Studies final (could have written the test myself anyway...) and the anthro one was a take-home test? But now, NOW I'm stressed. And pissed off. And annoyed.

And trying not to worry about it too much right now, because, hello, psych final. Which I'd like to pass. I'm not so much worried about it in terms of "OMG might not pass" but more like "argh this is a lot of material and I need to concentrate on it."

I'll be glad when it's over, as if that wasn't obvious.

Yes, I'm still alive. I've been doing pretty good, actually, just busy. I've had tests in two out of three classes in the last two weeks, and this week the third class hits me with an exam, too. The only one I was even sorta worried about was the one for Bio Psych, because it was all essay questions, I had to learn around 150 vocabulary terms, and writing the exam was about as hellish as it sounds like. Plus it took her forever to grade them- which I figured it would, but still, I was sweating that one a bit.

Professor posted grades over the weekend, finally. 98%. Hah!

And I just have to brag here, too, that I got 100% on my Womens' Studies test. Okay, I got 100 because there were three questions almost everyone missed, so she threw them out, but whatever. One girl who sits near me in class was not amused by this:

Her: What'd you get?
Me: *mumble* 100.
Her: Well, fuck you!

She said it in kind of an amused way, but still, I was like 'oO'...

Whatever.

I love it when teachers go over exams. "A lot of you missed this question..." Rosa Parks, people? Rosa Parks??? Swear to Gods. And even more of them missed the question about Mary Wollstonecraft, who I'd never heard of before this class either, but who our teacher must have said fifty times in the past month, was going to be on the exam.

So when she handed back the tests, she felt compelled to remind people that when she says stuff will be on the exam, it's going to, you know, be on the exam.

I love college. How the hell did these people find the classroom, anyway?

So that's Womens' Studies. I have an article review due tomorrow for that, which I guess means tonight I'm hooking up my printer, finally. Whee.

Psych is still my favorite class, even though it's also the one I have to spend the most time on. So many complicated processes... but it's all fascinating. Except for the longass chapter on neurobiology and neurochemistry, which came with 90 vocab terms... blech.

Anyway, today I have my anthro class, where we'll probably review for the exam. Then I get to cool my heels for another three hours (whee) and go fill out forms and take a test for the Census Bureau. I saw a sign posted last month they were coming to campus to recruit for temp jobs, starting at $11 an hour (!) so I signed up to take the test. Looked at the practice test online, and am hoping to swing some kind of filing/office clerk/phone-answering type gig.

Guess we'll see how it goes. It's gonna be a long day though.

Okay, so, first things first- I'm still WAY behind on Battlestar Galactica, by which I mean I've seen the miniseries and the first season. There was no way I was gonna catch up in time for the new eps, and I wasn't gonna try. So, just to be clear...

I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHO THE LAST FRAKKING CYLON IS, K?

Or, you know, anything else of a spoilery nature. I love this show, and I'd like to have stuff hit me the way it's supposed to, instead of reading it in someone's post. I've already had to try and forget old spoilers, especally of the "so and so's a Cylon" variety, so... yeah.

And that was maybe a little shouty, I apologize, but the SciFi channel is starting to drive me NUTS with their commercials, to the point where I mute the TV, close my eyes, cover my ears and sing "lalalala can't hear you" until Mom stops laughing at me long enough to tell me it's okay to look.

My flist is usually pretty good about this, I just like to reiterate this once in a while when the big fandom stuff comes along.

Righto, moving on.

I started back to school last week. Started with 12 units, am now down to 9. I really only did the 12 so I'd be set for financial aid for London, and since London fell through, I'm not in dire need of the full financial aid... Anyway, I'm down to Woman's Studies, Biological Psychology, and an Anthro class called Magic, Witchcraft, & Religion. The class I dropped was an intro to Photo. I might give it another shot some other semester, but I just can't deal right now. It's one of those 'back to basics' classes where I'd have to leave my digital camera at home unless it's an SLR (hah! not on my budget!) and I learned the hard way last week that our old Canon SLR has a screwed-up light meter, which would be okay if I could see the thing, because I could adjust for it. But since I can't read the bloody thing... Anyway, I dropped the class this morning and it's amazing how much better I feel.

I'm waiting for both Antrho and Woman's Studies to get past the basic intro stuff. Anthro in particular is annoying me a bit right now, because we have another week to two weeks of basic anthropology before we even get to dust off our textbook. But I think it's going to be good once it gets rolling. Same with Woman's Studies.

Not surprisingly, I LOVE my psych class. I could ramble on about it for a while but I think I might bore people.

Let's see, what else is going on? Oh... we found the kitten a new home at a shelter. He and Sam were NOT getting along- by which I mean that Sam was gonna kill the little guy. She's very much the alpha kitty, and let us know that she would prefer to remain an only kitty. Oh yeah, and the kitten? Hauled off and bit me hard enough to bruise on Christmas day. I just don't think he was well-socialized, wherever he was before he wandered over here. But he's young, he's cute, is fixed and has all his shots (thanks to us...) and purrs almost constantly. We like to think he has a nice new home by now.

I feel bad sometimes for having taken him to the shelter, but it really wasn't a good situation for any of us. I'd hardly realized how stressed all of us were- Me, Sam, Mom, and probably the kitten too- until he'd been gone a few days. We think Sam's mostly forgiven us, although she's still being really clingy with me. (That could just be because I started back to school, too, and thanks to Photo last week I didn't get home until 3:30 a few days. She hates that kind of thing.)

And, really randomly, I just wasted 15 or so minutes watching video ads for some WiFi connected rabbit the LJ ads were trying to sell me. It's called Nabazatag or something, and seems like the kind cute but useless thing you'd buy for a rich friend who already had every useful gadget known to humankind. $99!

Apparently there's actually a market for this thing. *facepalm*

So. This one's coming to you from Galen, my shiny new silver MacBook Pro laptop. he is very shiny and new, has a TON of memory, and I do mean a ton (~260 GB, and that's after I started loading software and all my music.)

I love this thing.

I have, however, learned several things I thought I'd share.

( Computer stuff )

In other news, I really should be in bed already, but I'm not actually all that tired. Probably has something to do with the phone waking me up at 9:00AM Wednesday. I decided that was too early, so I went back to bed, and got up at, um, quarter after 1:00. ...Yeah. I'm going to be hating life next week when I (ugh) start back to school. Which I don't really want to think about. I'm starting to get a little bored now and then, so probably starting back to classes is a good thing, but I swear, sometimes I hate winter break. I just get used to having time off, and they want me back.

Or maybe it's the fact I spend half my 'vacation' doing holiday stuff with my family, which sometimes isn't all that, ya know, relaxing?

And I so wanted to be in London this semester. Campus is going to seem pretty bleak when I head back, and I don't think that's helping my mood any.

Ah well. It's 3AM now, I suppose I ought to go at least try and sleep.

I've been shaking out the couch cushions since I found out I didn't get the scholarship, trying to find the money to go to London in the spring. The program application was due last Friday, so I got that in, and waited for them to call me in for my interview.

Tuesday was my Spanish final, and while I was waiting for my ride home I checked my messages. Got one from the nice lady at the district office. Unfortunately not about the interview. They didn't have enough people apply to the program, so they had to cancel it.

I'm bummed out, disappointed, and trying not to get depressed. I kept it together through Wednesday, which was my last final, but yesterday it really started to hit me that I'm not going. Nobody from here is going.

In other news, Mom has bronchitis, Sam still hates the new kitten and is making her displeasure felt by hissing and yowling when she passes the room he's in, and leaving little presents for me in the middle of my bathroom (aka crapping on the floor.)

I'm beyond ready for this year to be over. For lack of anything better to do, and badly needing distractions, I'm spending most of my time reading and playing LEGO Star Wars: the Complete Saga, on my Playstation, which I can't recommend enough even if I am stuck on the next to the last level of Revenge of the Sith.

I'd really like to get some writing done sometime, but my brain just isn't in gear right now. I think I strained it a little too much with the finals. And the huge bundle of fun and stress that has been this semester in general.

You guys remember the scholarship I applied for? The big one for studying abroad, that I was going to use to go to London next semester? The scholarship whose app I spent weeks working on and agonizing over? And then months on edge waiting to hear about?

I just got an email from them.

I didn't get it.

I've already had a long day and a long week, I've been fighting a migraine all afternoon, and now this.

We're going to try to scrape together the money somehow, but it's a lot of money and I'm not sure we can do it. I'm not ready to give up, either, yet. But... damn it would've been nice to get the scholarship. That would've paid around 75% of the cost.

I'm not really sure whether to go off and cry now, or start taking stock of stuff I can sell on eBay. The latter would be more productive, but....

Yeah.

Current Mood: disappointed

I promised an update, didn't I? Yeah, I thought I had. It's taken me a few days to get to it- and I actually have been meaning to do it for a while.

I guess the easiest thing to do is to group the updates by subject, so, in no particular order-

State of the Kidneys: I had blood work. I had a CT scan. I had other tests, and the less said about those, the better. What did my doctor learn from all this, you ask? #1, by the time the doc decided to do the CT, the stones were gone. The only thing he saw on the scan were really good pictures of my poor inflamed bruised-up kidneys. He thinks I had a couple stones and they passed. No, really? #2, as to the blood work and other tests- half the reason he wanted to do these was to get baseline readings. But at least according to his nurse who called me with the results, all of my results are 'normal', nothing jumped out at them, I'm probably 'just one of those people', etc. *headdesk*

State of the School: I still think they should issue hunting licenses for freshmen. We have way too freaking many as usual. It's about the middle of the semester, and my teachers are piling on the work. Especially my Spanish prof, who is really easygoing but who I think my classmates have managed to royally piss off. Our attendance has more weight on our grades than our exams do, and you get extra credit points at the end of the semester if you have perfect attendance. Which is great, except it means everybody comes to class, even the people who don't want to be there. And all they do is talk. In English. When we're supposed to be working in pairs or groups or even when the prof is lecturing, these idiots are chattering away, texting, answering their cell phones... Today he took roll halfway through class, gave us a ten minute break, and told us we could all leave if we wanted to. He says next time he's just going to tell them to leave. Three people left, and you'd be amazed how much quieter it got after they did. Here's hoping they don't come back.

State of the ~~Laptop~~ Hateway: This stupid fucking computer, I swear to Gods... it's been trying to die for a while now, you all remember the keyboard adventures (I still have keys that don't work, or work very rarely) but now it seems to be spreading to other components. A couple weeks ago, Anna here decided she didn't have a CD drive anymore. And has been unable to recognize that the thing's still there, ever since. Then one day last week my mouse refused to work. It came back, but I'm seeing a sign of the times here. Mom was talking about replacing the computer for Christmas anyway; now we're crossing our fingers the thing lasts that long. Also wondering how much fun it's not going to be to try and get all my stuff off of here without a damn CD drive. (I hadn't, of course, updated my backup CDs in a month or so, as of the CD drive crash.)

State of the Big, Time-Consuming Project: Goes a little like this. School's doing a semester in London in the spring. It's not cheap, but it looks fantastic. My geology prof, who I really like, is one of the teachers who's going, and she clued me into a major national scholarship for students who want to study abroad. I had to write an essay, plan a project to promote studying abroad and the scholarship, send transcripts, and fill out a ton of forms, which is what I spent half of September and the first part of October doing. I'll know if I get the scholarship in mid December, and at this point I've just accepted that I'm going to be stressed beyond belief until then. The scholarship is up to $5,000. Even with the financial aid I discovered I qualify for this semester (*thwap* to the guidance counselor for sucking at her job as usual) if I don't get the scholarship, I can't go. And I really, really, really want to go. I think I have a fair shot, because the scholarship people like junior college students, students who've never studied abroad before, and, yes, folks, disabled students. Check, check, and check. It's gonna be great if it all comes together, but in the meantime it's also been this huge mess of stuff and bureaucracy and red tape and nonsense, and it's driving me insane.

State of the Fam: You guys know I love my family. I do. But with everything that's going on lately my bullshit threshold is practically nonexistant, and hanging around my relations isn't exactly stress free. Sometimes we think Grandpa is doing better than Grandma, which, considering, is really freaking scary. They both tripped and fell last week; Grandpa bruised his knee, Grandma gave herself a hell of a black eye with her glasses. They did at least get checked out by the infirmary people at their nursing home, but still, Mom and I were facepalming when we found out about this. (And note that we found out when we met them for dinner one night last week, when Grandma took off her sunglasses.

State of the Parent: Mom gets her own section, because she's saner than the rest of them right now. Of course, it turns out that her foot still hasn't healed from the fall she took months ago, so now she's in physical therapy for the foot. Only the doc who's sending her for the PT just put her on medicated patches, and while she's wearing those they can't do half the treatments at PT that have really been helping. Mom's been getting that kinesio tape like that US women's beach volleyball player wore at the Olympics, and she says it's really been helping. We're pretty sure all the drug patches are doing is masking the pain, and I know there've been a couple days when Mom has pushed herself too far, because it didn't start hurting when it should have. Mom's considering smacking the doc upside the head. If she doesn't, I may do it for her, 'cause I've about had it.

State of the Druid: Actually, between one thing and another I've about had it in general. It's election day, to which I say, "Thank Gods, now you can ALL shut the fuck up." We vote absentee, I sent in my ballot last week, and I really do not care at this point. California has this charming measure on the ballot, Proposition 8- asshole conservatives want to amend the friggin' state constitution to say that 'marriage is only between a man and a woman', blah, blah, blah. Bigots and homophobes r'us, especally around here. They've been demonstrating for the damn thing in major intersections, the mall, and around the Barns and Noble. I gave them the thumbs-down, each individual idiot, as we drove past on Saturday. I swear they were so pissed they were turning purple. One guy waved his giant American flag at me, like the finger of admonishment. To which I say, it was fucking raining, asshole- flag's supposed to be put away. Honestly I felt like I was very restrained- I didn't give them the finger, or roll down the window and scream at them, which is what I really wanted to do.

I really wanted to dare them to take their little hatefest on the road to San Francisco, and see how it played out there. I'll spare you guys the rest of the rant, but those people really made my blood boil.

In better election news, our illustriously moronic mayor, Alan Autry (yes, that Alan Autry, whom you might remember as "Bubba" from In the Heat of the Night...) decided not to run again, so at least we're rid of that embarrasing idiot. Who always seeemed to be under the impression he ran the county and the state, instead of just the city. IIRC, he wanted to pass a city ordinance about illegal immigration. We're in the middle of California, not the Mexican border. He spent most of his time at Starbuck's and the gym, anyway. I may miss having him to kick around, but... I think he'll be like George W. Bush. We can always still make fun of him.

*sigh* Moving on. I'm so stressed I'm hardly sleeping, or at least I don't feel like I am, and I need a vacation. Oh, and if I could just hear a "yes" from the scholarship people...

Oh yeah, I knew I forgot one.
State of the Ants: Because it's only just now starting to cool down, the little fuckers have been making incursions through most of September, and we found a few in the kitchen last week. I foolshly put on some clothes they'd had access to, and ended up with a TON of bites, 10+, which is not good when you're as allergic as I am. It rained a lot over the weekend and yesterday, and I hope they all drowned.

...I think that was everything. *hugs*

Current Mood: exhausted

To make a long story short-

Probably have kidney stones. Or had. Am waiting for ultrasound results to come back, and have an appointment with a specialist for the 18th. Am going to move that to next week if I can. I love referrals. "Here's your appointment. They just flipped open their schedule, closed their eyes, and pointed at a date. And picked the time out of- well, you get the idea." I think they want me to be there halfway through my Spanish class anyway.

It's too fucking hot, and I have to take the bus home in the afternoons. I'd love to be able to just stay home, drink my own weight in water, and sleep, but I can't miss my classes.

This couldn't have happened over my break why?

Only good news is I'm not in anywhere near as much pain as I was last week, which is what makes me think I've passed all or most of 'em. I still feel like crap, though, so...

If anybody's been wondering where I disappeared to... there you go.

Ugh... So today's the first day of class. Oh, joy.

It's going to be 94 F, which is a downgrade from the 97 they were predicting last night.

This still sucks.

It sucks even more because I spent the last 2 weeks fighting a kidney infection, the last 10 days or so on major antibiotics, and I still feel like total crap and am hurting in places I shouldn't. I'm going back to the doc on Thursday, unrelated mole removal, and I'm debating if the kidney stuff can wait till then.

Since I spent all weekend popping the painkillers said doc gave me for the infection, and need to take more after I eat breakfast, I'm thinking it probably can't wait. Will call her after I get home from (whee, yay) class.

I don't have class till noon, which'll give me time to fight the bookstore lines and go get my new student ID/library card, if I decide I'm up for that today. And I only have to buy one book, for Oceanography, since we use the same Spanish book for Spanish II as we did for I (Thank you, Professor M!)

I keep trying to console myself about the back to school thing with all the good stuff about school- access to our library, whose nonfic section rocks; no freshmen in my classes; two profs who are really good and whom I like; and, well, I was getting a little bored anyway.

On the flip side we have: State U cut their fall enrollment again, and we know what that means- Freshman Menace, redux; the heat; the fact I feel like crap.

Oh yeah, and I'm exhausted, because I've been staying up later than I should have to watch the Olympic finals in stuff like gymnastics and swimming. (No love to NBC for intentionally putting the best stuff on dead last. And I'm still pissed about equestrian being on freaking Oxygen, too. Assholes...) Network gets nasty letters when I have time to write them.

It's gonna be a long day.

Did I mention I don't really want to do this right now? If it just wasn't so hot... (Okay, I'd still be annoyed and tired, but I wouldn't be as worried about my kidneys.)

Anyway, I apologize for being so out of touch for so long. Kidney infections really suck, and I think I've had this one for close to a month. Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot. I was going to call the doc ages ago, before I thought I passed that stone, but things calmed down, so I figured I was clear of whatever it was. Then it started up again week before last, and I did call her.

And now need to call her again. Bleh.

Kidney infections suck.

I'll tell you this, though- those freshmen had better stay the hell out of my way, or I may not be entirely responsible for beating their ankles with my cane, not to mention all the swearing.

Well, learning new vocab words is all part of the college experience, yeah? ;)

Current Mood: tired

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State of the NaNo '14

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State of the Druid: October 2014

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Anybody want to lend me a hand? I could use one...

I could seriously get to hate my knee. Oh wait. I already do.

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State of the Druid: January 2010

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Flist, meet Galen. Galen, flist.

Guess who's going to London? Nobody.

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Life, Stress, and All That Other Stuff

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Oh yay. School. (Also, have kidney infection, will travel. Much as I'd rather stay home.)

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January 2016

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