State of the Druid: Pain Sucks.

[urbandruid]

Gah. Like I was just telling ashkitty, I'm not in a good headspace lately. Am also in pain, which makes me bitchy. My shoulder's been killing me all day, and a little after I took something for that, I started to get a migraine. Which has proceeded to get worse and worse all freaking day. So I took the other half of the pain pill I took earlier. The doc didn't give me anything but anti-inflmmatories (semi-useless) for my shoulder, so I've been popping left over pain meds from my kidney stone adventures. Which I am just about out of now.

So. Called the doc's office today and talked to one of the nurses who knows me, about asking the NP for some real pain meds. NP is out today, naturally, but she said she'd talk to the MD. She said she should get back to me this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest, but with it being the first Monday after a holiday weekend... Mom's stopping at the pharmacy we use on her way home anyway, so I'm hoping the doc's office had time to call something in, but either didn't have time to call me back yet, or the pharmacy told them I have refills there, so one of us will be in today anyway... This is probably a far-fetched hope, but I'm hanging onto it, coasting along on my second-to-last Vicodin.

Please, gods, please, let there be something. I can put up with a lot, but this pain is just wearing me down. I'm not even the same person when I hurt this much. I also can't get much of anything done.

I keep wanting to- intending to- go on YIM, which is where I think my pals like leviathanmuse, g_shadowslayer, and irreparable hang out. And then I realize that I'm exhausted, and I just hurt too damned much, and that after not chatting with my friends for a while, dumping "evil, pain-suffering, bitchy urbandruid" on them is not fair. Or nice.

Would you guys mind stoned druid, though? 'Cause I think that's what we're looking at for a while here.

This year has just been insane, and just when it seems like things might calm down, something else crops up. Either I'm having medical issues, or someone else in the family is, or there's other stress-y stuff going on, and I just... Gah. I need a break.

Between the days I don't have classes and the holiday, I had a week straight off of school. It was great. And I'm dreading going back. More than the usual complaints I make all the time about not wanting to go back, I'm... worried about going back. Because school = more stress. As always. And this shit with my shoulder is wearing on me mentally. I'm starting to wonder how much more of this I can take.

Then I break down and sob for a while, and after a bit I feel slightly more able to cope with things.

I've thought about calling my shrink, but honestly, what's she gonna tell me? I'm stressed and that's making my depression worse, I'm hurting a lot and that isn't helping the depression or my mood in general? I'm worrying about everything, even stuff that isn't actually mine, because this is what I do? She can't tell me anything I don't already know. Plus, I haven't seen her in at least a year; updating her on everything would take a couple sessions, and right now I don't have time in my schedule for that.

And these may or may not all be excuses for not going in to see her, but... I probably will call her if I end up needing surgery for my shoulder, because that one, I'm gonna need some help coping with.

Oh yeah, and I have homework. World War II map assignment for history that's due tomorrow, and possibly a test in my psych class. Should probably check my syllabus re: the exam and see. Not that I'm worried about it. We've been covering the psych disorders this unit. *yawn*