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Dec. 21st, 2010 08:57 pmSolstice. And I'm not having a good day. Well. I'm not having a good year, really. I'll be glad when it's over. Scary to think I've probably been saying that about the last couple of years.
There's stuff I should be doing, stuff I said I'd do, and I just... I can't. I can't do much of anything lately. I'm overwhelmed by everything lately.
Saw my doc today, and she upped my meds. We'll see if that helps. It can't hurt, but I wonder if it's gonna be enough. I'm such a mess lately. Have been a mess for a while, I just have days when I cope better than others. Today? Not coping so well.
Went to the doctor's, the pharmacy, and the post office to mail something I sold on eBay. Making money is awesome, but OMG it was insane out there. Everyone driving like maniacs, practically running each other over in the parking lot trying to get out of there...
Mom and I both have library books due the 32rd, but neither of us wants to go out that close to Christmas, so we're probably going to go turn 'em in tomorrow night. I don't think I even read any of mine. Predictably, I don't really care, either.
It's been a week. I was supposed to go see my doc last week, but she called in sick, so I had to reschedule. When I called Friday to reschedule, nobody was answering the phone (office Christmas party, apparently.) Finally got hold of them yesterday, rescheduled for today...
Then there was the migraine yesterday afternoon. I've got meds for that, so I took one. Which worked for a couple hours. Then the damn thing came back. It's the kind of medication where I can take another one if I need it, but I hate to do it. One leaves me fuzzy headed. Two... I was just kind of staring at the Christmas tree, going "ooh, pretty lights."
Today? Migraine pill hangover, plus having to go out and about.
At least it wasn't raining. It has been, for... seems like forever now. I think we're just between storms at the moment. I like the rain, got used to it when I lived up north, but you get sort of tired of it. That, and living in the desert, nobody knows how to drive in it, which is insane.
Oh yeah, and Christmas? Just me, Mom, and my grandparents. *facepalms* Thanksgiving was our big family holiday this year; Christmas, the aunts and uncles are going to their inlaws' instead. I miss them. I also miss not having to be the freaking center of attention all the time. My family is... I mean, I love 'em, but Jesus, sometimes...
Then I feel guilty for complaining about it all, because Gods only know how much longer it's even gonna be like this. Grandpa's really gone downhill this year. Mom thinks he's still pretty much in there, I guess, but that he can't get the words out. I... don't know, really. He doesn't talk much anymore, and when he does it almost never makes sense. You have to try and puzzle out what he means, what he's trying to say. And sometimes nobody can figure it out. She says he still laughs at jokes, and I gotta wonder, is he laughing 'cause he heard it and gets that it's funny, or is he just kinda smiling and chuckling 'cause everybody else is?
But I'm in a bad headspace, and kind of irreverent half the time anyway, so I keep my mouth shut. What the hell am I supposed to do, anyway, tell Mom I think she's being too optimistic? That's her dad, you know?
...Fucking holidays. I am never on enough medication for this shit. This year? Definitely not on enough meds.
I really wish somebody would be there for Christmas besides us. It takes the pressure off. And I know that's gonna be worse than usual this year, because I'm not doing well. Not that we talk about these things in my family. Grandma's the type who'd wonder what I have to be depressed about.
Hell, I dunno. Take your pick.
More cheery news: We continued the tradition of my opening one present tonight, on account of me being a (lapsed) pagan. I got the Hunger Games trilogy in hardcover. Read the first one a few weeks ago and it was awesome, so I'm happy with this. I kept staring at my to-be-read shelf anyway, wondering what to read. So now I have something to read. Not the most cheerful thing in the world, but it's a great distraction, which is probably not the worst thing for me right now.
There's stuff I should be doing, stuff I said I'd do, and I just... I can't. I can't do much of anything lately. I'm overwhelmed by everything lately.
Saw my doc today, and she upped my meds. We'll see if that helps. It can't hurt, but I wonder if it's gonna be enough. I'm such a mess lately. Have been a mess for a while, I just have days when I cope better than others. Today? Not coping so well.
Went to the doctor's, the pharmacy, and the post office to mail something I sold on eBay. Making money is awesome, but OMG it was insane out there. Everyone driving like maniacs, practically running each other over in the parking lot trying to get out of there...
Mom and I both have library books due the 32rd, but neither of us wants to go out that close to Christmas, so we're probably going to go turn 'em in tomorrow night. I don't think I even read any of mine. Predictably, I don't really care, either.
It's been a week. I was supposed to go see my doc last week, but she called in sick, so I had to reschedule. When I called Friday to reschedule, nobody was answering the phone (office Christmas party, apparently.) Finally got hold of them yesterday, rescheduled for today...
Then there was the migraine yesterday afternoon. I've got meds for that, so I took one. Which worked for a couple hours. Then the damn thing came back. It's the kind of medication where I can take another one if I need it, but I hate to do it. One leaves me fuzzy headed. Two... I was just kind of staring at the Christmas tree, going "ooh, pretty lights."
Today? Migraine pill hangover, plus having to go out and about.
At least it wasn't raining. It has been, for... seems like forever now. I think we're just between storms at the moment. I like the rain, got used to it when I lived up north, but you get sort of tired of it. That, and living in the desert, nobody knows how to drive in it, which is insane.
Oh yeah, and Christmas? Just me, Mom, and my grandparents. *facepalms* Thanksgiving was our big family holiday this year; Christmas, the aunts and uncles are going to their inlaws' instead. I miss them. I also miss not having to be the freaking center of attention all the time. My family is... I mean, I love 'em, but Jesus, sometimes...
Then I feel guilty for complaining about it all, because Gods only know how much longer it's even gonna be like this. Grandpa's really gone downhill this year. Mom thinks he's still pretty much in there, I guess, but that he can't get the words out. I... don't know, really. He doesn't talk much anymore, and when he does it almost never makes sense. You have to try and puzzle out what he means, what he's trying to say. And sometimes nobody can figure it out. She says he still laughs at jokes, and I gotta wonder, is he laughing 'cause he heard it and gets that it's funny, or is he just kinda smiling and chuckling 'cause everybody else is?
But I'm in a bad headspace, and kind of irreverent half the time anyway, so I keep my mouth shut. What the hell am I supposed to do, anyway, tell Mom I think she's being too optimistic? That's her dad, you know?
...Fucking holidays. I am never on enough medication for this shit. This year? Definitely not on enough meds.
I really wish somebody would be there for Christmas besides us. It takes the pressure off. And I know that's gonna be worse than usual this year, because I'm not doing well. Not that we talk about these things in my family. Grandma's the type who'd wonder what I have to be depressed about.
Hell, I dunno. Take your pick.
More cheery news: We continued the tradition of my opening one present tonight, on account of me being a (lapsed) pagan. I got the Hunger Games trilogy in hardcover. Read the first one a few weeks ago and it was awesome, so I'm happy with this. I kept staring at my to-be-read shelf anyway, wondering what to read. So now I have something to read. Not the most cheerful thing in the world, but it's a great distraction, which is probably not the worst thing for me right now.
it's the summer of Supernatural
Jun. 8th, 2010 02:15 pmOy. I should, you know, update this thing once in a while, but it's so much easier just to type out 140 characters of random bitchiness or whatever on Twitter.
But, yeah. Still alive. I'm catching up on Supernatural, and have gotten Mom hooked on it too, so I'm basically seeing everything twice, which is fun, because you catch things that way.
For example? Last night, "Crossroad Blues" rewatch with Mom. When the demon's talking to Dean, I didn't notice the first time I saw it, but she gets yanked back and leaves the vessel. First time around, I thought Dean finished the exorcism. He didn't. Hmm. Was she maybe saying some stuff she shouldn't have said? I pointed this out to Mom, but didn't want to spoil things.
Speaking of, I should probably go hit the DVDs again so I can get ahead of her. She almost caught up to me once last week, and it was this weird combo of seeing stuff out of order, needing to remember where we both are in the show so I know what I can and can't talk about- oh yeah, and nobody really wanting to see more of "Everybody Loves A Clown" (OMG Kripke, NO THEY DO NOT!!!) than was absolutely necessary.
Certain members of my flist will be amused that in the middle of "In My Time of Dying" Mom called John a 'lying sack of shit.' I bit my tongue. I really did. Because I love John, I really do, even if he has Issues. (Hell, the whole family has Issues.) And in all fairness, the first time I saw the ep, I thought he was going off to hunt the demon too- except I knew something weird was up, off Bobby's reaction to the shopping list Sam gave him. (Okay, that and I've seen it three times. Shut up.)
In other news, it turns out that our new neighbor's brother does yard work for a living, so we hired the two of them to clean up Weed Land out back. They chopped it all back, hauled it away, and are out there with a rototiller. We're gonna buy some grass seed this weekend after Mom gets paid and toss it out there. Probably going to do some black paper and stone on the sides of the house. It'll be awesome when it's done, 'cause we can actually enjoy the backyard, which we never really have been able to do. But. It's summer, it's 90-plus degrees outside, so actually getting it done is going to be fun. Probably do it in stages. Probably also gonna do it early in the mornings.
But, yeah. Still alive. I'm catching up on Supernatural, and have gotten Mom hooked on it too, so I'm basically seeing everything twice, which is fun, because you catch things that way.
For example? Last night, "Crossroad Blues" rewatch with Mom. When the demon's talking to Dean, I didn't notice the first time I saw it, but she gets yanked back and leaves the vessel. First time around, I thought Dean finished the exorcism. He didn't. Hmm. Was she maybe saying some stuff she shouldn't have said? I pointed this out to Mom, but didn't want to spoil things.
Speaking of, I should probably go hit the DVDs again so I can get ahead of her. She almost caught up to me once last week, and it was this weird combo of seeing stuff out of order, needing to remember where we both are in the show so I know what I can and can't talk about- oh yeah, and nobody really wanting to see more of "Everybody Loves A Clown" (OMG Kripke, NO THEY DO NOT!!!) than was absolutely necessary.
Certain members of my flist will be amused that in the middle of "In My Time of Dying" Mom called John a 'lying sack of shit.' I bit my tongue. I really did. Because I love John, I really do, even if he has Issues. (Hell, the whole family has Issues.) And in all fairness, the first time I saw the ep, I thought he was going off to hunt the demon too- except I knew something weird was up, off Bobby's reaction to the shopping list Sam gave him. (Okay, that and I've seen it three times. Shut up.)
In other news, it turns out that our new neighbor's brother does yard work for a living, so we hired the two of them to clean up Weed Land out back. They chopped it all back, hauled it away, and are out there with a rototiller. We're gonna buy some grass seed this weekend after Mom gets paid and toss it out there. Probably going to do some black paper and stone on the sides of the house. It'll be awesome when it's done, 'cause we can actually enjoy the backyard, which we never really have been able to do. But. It's summer, it's 90-plus degrees outside, so actually getting it done is going to be fun. Probably do it in stages. Probably also gonna do it early in the mornings.
(no subject)
Apr. 26th, 2010 05:14 pmSo, the depression is totally kicking my ass. I don't know why that's so hard to admit, but it is. I feel like I'm doing the best I can, but mostly what I do is a whole lot of nothing. I'm slacking on everything, not because I want to, but because I somehow just can't do anything more than I am right now. Most of my energy is going to dragging myself to school the two days a week I have class, trying to pay attention, acting like I have a hope in hell of passing Stats, which I really don't think that I do. I have about a month of school left, and I just wish it was over. I feel like I really don't care if I pass or not, I just don't want to have to deal with this anymore.
My birthday is Sunday. I'm finding it hard to care.
I'll get through all this. I know that. I'll be better, eventually. It's just hard pulling myself through it, you know? Or trying to pull myself through it. But I figure, as long as I'm not catatonic, as long as I'm physically able to drag my ass out of bed in the morning and do what I have to do, then that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm tired all the time, though. Half the time I can't get to sleep at all, then when I do, I sleep for hours and it doesn't do any good. I think I seriously slept half of last weekend. Still feel like crap.
Still have to go to class tomorrow, and take a test Thursday. *sigh*
And my family- *facepalm* Grandpa's surgery got rescheduled for last Thursday, only Grandma kinda forgot to tell Mom that. She did call her, though, when he was out of surgery. I'm sure you can imagine how she felt about that one. So, Grandpa's home and kinda doing better now, except we have to wait for the results of some biopsies to come back. Mom's heading over to see them after she gets off work tonight, so maybe she'll have some news when she gets back.
It's not that the way things are going surprises me, exactly- I remember how it was with Great-Grandpa, and I know where we're headed, but it's getting hard. Harder, I should say, 'cause it's never been easy. Seeing what the Alzheimer's is doing to Grandpa... Sometimes, almost more often than not lately, I don't know who he is. He's still with it enough to ask me how school is going, which is about all we ever talked about anyway, but- Hell, this is a depressing subject, and it bothers me even when I'm not already depressed.
I don't know if it's just me, as messed up as I've been feeling lately, but I feel like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. 'Course, I've been feeling that way for years, ever since Grandpa was diagnosed, really. So who the fuck knows? I try not to think about it a lot, which sucks as a coping strategy, but sometimes it's all I've got.
Life in general needs to stop sucking now. Really.
My birthday is Sunday. I'm finding it hard to care.
I'll get through all this. I know that. I'll be better, eventually. It's just hard pulling myself through it, you know? Or trying to pull myself through it. But I figure, as long as I'm not catatonic, as long as I'm physically able to drag my ass out of bed in the morning and do what I have to do, then that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm tired all the time, though. Half the time I can't get to sleep at all, then when I do, I sleep for hours and it doesn't do any good. I think I seriously slept half of last weekend. Still feel like crap.
Still have to go to class tomorrow, and take a test Thursday. *sigh*
And my family- *facepalm* Grandpa's surgery got rescheduled for last Thursday, only Grandma kinda forgot to tell Mom that. She did call her, though, when he was out of surgery. I'm sure you can imagine how she felt about that one. So, Grandpa's home and kinda doing better now, except we have to wait for the results of some biopsies to come back. Mom's heading over to see them after she gets off work tonight, so maybe she'll have some news when she gets back.
It's not that the way things are going surprises me, exactly- I remember how it was with Great-Grandpa, and I know where we're headed, but it's getting hard. Harder, I should say, 'cause it's never been easy. Seeing what the Alzheimer's is doing to Grandpa... Sometimes, almost more often than not lately, I don't know who he is. He's still with it enough to ask me how school is going, which is about all we ever talked about anyway, but- Hell, this is a depressing subject, and it bothers me even when I'm not already depressed.
I don't know if it's just me, as messed up as I've been feeling lately, but I feel like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. 'Course, I've been feeling that way for years, ever since Grandpa was diagnosed, really. So who the fuck knows? I try not to think about it a lot, which sucks as a coping strategy, but sometimes it's all I've got.
Life in general needs to stop sucking now. Really.
from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fannish5
Apr. 16th, 2010 04:47 pmBecause I am terminally bored at the moment.
Name 5 characters you like but that you wouldn't hire to workwith for you.
This suffers, as most of my fannish stuff probably does, from my habit for loving the bad guys, the anti-heroes, and the basically amoral characters. Most of whom, if I think about it, I wouldn't hire. Ever.
1. Irina Derevko (Alias). Because I'd be out of a job in about five minutes, if I was lucky. Dead if I was unlucky. In a typical office she'd be the one hacking the computer system, embezzling the yearly budget, and framing her coworkers for it. No, thank you. :)
2. Darth Vader (Star Wars) 'Nuff said, really. But to continue anyway: 1.) Look what happened to his last boss. 2.) Lack of social skills would be a problem in the workplace.
3. Kara Thrace (BSG) Not a team player. Unprofessional. Also, depending which season she's from, likely to be drunk a lot.
4. River Tam (Firefly/Serenity) Attention span problems. Also, likely to freak the fuck out at random ads for snack food.
5. Alastor Moody (HP) Would probably spend most of his time checking the office perimeter for threats, and end up hexing such innocuous figures as the UPS guy.
Name 5 characters you like but that you wouldn't hire to work
This suffers, as most of my fannish stuff probably does, from my habit for loving the bad guys, the anti-heroes, and the basically amoral characters. Most of whom, if I think about it, I wouldn't hire. Ever.
1. Irina Derevko (Alias). Because I'd be out of a job in about five minutes, if I was lucky. Dead if I was unlucky. In a typical office she'd be the one hacking the computer system, embezzling the yearly budget, and framing her coworkers for it. No, thank you. :)
2. Darth Vader (Star Wars) 'Nuff said, really. But to continue anyway: 1.) Look what happened to his last boss. 2.) Lack of social skills would be a problem in the workplace.
3. Kara Thrace (BSG) Not a team player. Unprofessional. Also, depending which season she's from, likely to be drunk a lot.
4. River Tam (Firefly/Serenity) Attention span problems. Also, likely to freak the fuck out at random ads for snack food.
5. Alastor Moody (HP) Would probably spend most of his time checking the office perimeter for threats, and end up hexing such innocuous figures as the UPS guy.
Gacked this from my pal ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ashkitty, who gacked it from someone else:
---
Privacy PSA
A friend just shared some disturbing info:
1. Go here: http://www.spokeo.com/
2. Type in your name.
3. Be appalled by the amount of personal info (name, address, phone #, age group, names of family members who live with you, or the fact that you live alone) they've gathered about you and are providing for the world to see. They even provide a map to your house.
To opt out, you need to go all the way to the bottom, find the little tiny gray 'Privacy' link, click that, go through their hoops, go to your email, and confirm through your email.
(My friend found that the 'not-a-bot' code was impossible to read. If you guess right, you won't know, because the screen won't change, so you just have to keep trying until you get an email confirmation message that you want to opt out.)
Snopes.com's listing said that, during their trials, clicking the link emailed to them took them back to the spokeo.com privacy page, and the records to be blocked remained intact. So, be aware that it might not work.
---
I went and looked me up, and was appalled at what they knew about me. I managed to delete my record, but I had to try three browsers before the whole removal page would load. Also, you can only use the same email address a couple times to remove a listing, AND if you try too often to remove one, it'll cut you off and tell you to try again tomorrow. Trying sometimes = mistyping the not-a-bot random letters/numbers.
I was able to get rid of mine, Mom's, and two listing for Grandma, one old, one current. Got stalled on getting rid of Grandpa's. Some of the info they had was so wrong it's funny, like my uncle and a woman I've never heard of living in my grandparents' apartment with them. Less funny, the complete phone number and the random creepy facts they know about us.
I'm a little less freaked out now that I've been able to get rid of some of this stuff, but... oy.
ashkitty, who gacked it from someone else:---
Privacy PSA
A friend just shared some disturbing info:
1. Go here: http://www.spokeo.com/
2. Type in your name.
3. Be appalled by the amount of personal info (name, address, phone #, age group, names of family members who live with you, or the fact that you live alone) they've gathered about you and are providing for the world to see. They even provide a map to your house.
To opt out, you need to go all the way to the bottom, find the little tiny gray 'Privacy' link, click that, go through their hoops, go to your email, and confirm through your email.
(My friend found that the 'not-a-bot' code was impossible to read. If you guess right, you won't know, because the screen won't change, so you just have to keep trying until you get an email confirmation message that you want to opt out.)
Snopes.com's listing said that, during their trials, clicking the link emailed to them took them back to the spokeo.com privacy page, and the records to be blocked remained intact. So, be aware that it might not work.
---
I went and looked me up, and was appalled at what they knew about me. I managed to delete my record, but I had to try three browsers before the whole removal page would load. Also, you can only use the same email address a couple times to remove a listing, AND if you try too often to remove one, it'll cut you off and tell you to try again tomorrow. Trying sometimes = mistyping the not-a-bot random letters/numbers.
I was able to get rid of mine, Mom's, and two listing for Grandma, one old, one current. Got stalled on getting rid of Grandpa's. Some of the info they had was so wrong it's funny, like my uncle and a woman I've never heard of living in my grandparents' apartment with them. Less funny, the complete phone number and the random creepy facts they know about us.
I'm a little less freaked out now that I've been able to get rid of some of this stuff, but... oy.
Eye update
Apr. 1st, 2010 01:01 pmI was right about what was wrong with my eye. Go me. It's basically a blocked oil gland that may or may not have been infected. The doc put me on antibiotic/steroid anti-inflammatory drops, which have really cleared things up. It's still a little red, but the pain's mostly gone, and I'm getting a lot better at putting the drops in.
I'd forgotten how hard it is to use eye drops when you can't see what you're doing. Not having vision in that eye is great if someone else is doing the drops, because you can't blink. Trying to do it yourself is an adventure. Lost count of the number of times I hit my cheekbone, or my nose, or my eyebrow... But it's coming back to me. And I figured out that if I'm really not sure of what I'm doing, I can stand in front of a mirror. I'm not sure why I never thought of that before, except that I've hardly ever had to put drops in just the left eye. The only thing I've used lately has been allergy type drops, and for some reason I'm a little less worried about screwing up with Liquid Tears, you know?
Anyway. I went looking online for some info about my eyelid thingy, which is called a Chalazion, if anyone cares. Let me just advise you now NOT to check Wikipedia or similar for that one, because they have pics, and they're gross. I mean, really gross. Mine was a little pinprick compared to some of the ones I saw. *shudder*
Interestingly, in addition to the symptoms I'd noticed, the pain and the swelling and redness, this also causes light sensitivity. I thought the eye was a little more unhappy with light than usual, but it was hard to be sure. Good to know I'm not going crazy. Well- no crazier than usual, anyway.
I'd forgotten how hard it is to use eye drops when you can't see what you're doing. Not having vision in that eye is great if someone else is doing the drops, because you can't blink. Trying to do it yourself is an adventure. Lost count of the number of times I hit my cheekbone, or my nose, or my eyebrow... But it's coming back to me. And I figured out that if I'm really not sure of what I'm doing, I can stand in front of a mirror. I'm not sure why I never thought of that before, except that I've hardly ever had to put drops in just the left eye. The only thing I've used lately has been allergy type drops, and for some reason I'm a little less worried about screwing up with Liquid Tears, you know?
Anyway. I went looking online for some info about my eyelid thingy, which is called a Chalazion, if anyone cares. Let me just advise you now NOT to check Wikipedia or similar for that one, because they have pics, and they're gross. I mean, really gross. Mine was a little pinprick compared to some of the ones I saw. *shudder*
Interestingly, in addition to the symptoms I'd noticed, the pain and the swelling and redness, this also causes light sensitivity. I thought the eye was a little more unhappy with light than usual, but it was hard to be sure. Good to know I'm not going crazy. Well- no crazier than usual, anyway.
Ugh, stupid eyeball.
Mar. 30th, 2010 12:27 pmI don't know whether to scream or cry at this point. The way things are going, I'd better not cry.
I went to the eye doctor last week for my annual checkup. Everything was fine.
Yesterday afternoon my left eye, the one I have very little vision in, started hurting. I checked it out in the mirror, and the eyelid looked kind of red and puffy, so I put some basic rewetting drops in. Didn't help. Started putting hot compresses on it this morning, which didn't help much either. Now my eyelid's red, swollen, and painful. I can't tell if it's affecting my vision any, because I can pretty much only see out of the corner of that eye.
I'm pretty sure I know what this is. I had something similar back in the 90's, only it was much worse because it was in my good eye. So this scares me a little bit less than that did, but I'm still not having a great time.
I was laying on the couch this morning with a heat pack over my face for almost an hour before I decided enough was enough, and called the eye doctor. I hate to do it, because I was just there, but this is not going to go away on its own, and the pain is starting to really make me cranky.
Thankfully it was almost lunch when I called the doc's office, and the phone rang so many times in the front office that I think they finally had to pick it up in the back. This would explain why the person I talked to seemed to have it together anyway.
Really though, this is why I love my eye doctor's office. "What's your name and date of birth? And what's going on?" Pause. "Can you come in this afternoon?"
Yes, I can.
So, you know where I'll be at 3:15. And it's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I don't want to have to go.
I went to the eye doctor last week for my annual checkup. Everything was fine.
Yesterday afternoon my left eye, the one I have very little vision in, started hurting. I checked it out in the mirror, and the eyelid looked kind of red and puffy, so I put some basic rewetting drops in. Didn't help. Started putting hot compresses on it this morning, which didn't help much either. Now my eyelid's red, swollen, and painful. I can't tell if it's affecting my vision any, because I can pretty much only see out of the corner of that eye.
I'm pretty sure I know what this is. I had something similar back in the 90's, only it was much worse because it was in my good eye. So this scares me a little bit less than that did, but I'm still not having a great time.
I was laying on the couch this morning with a heat pack over my face for almost an hour before I decided enough was enough, and called the eye doctor. I hate to do it, because I was just there, but this is not going to go away on its own, and the pain is starting to really make me cranky.
Thankfully it was almost lunch when I called the doc's office, and the phone rang so many times in the front office that I think they finally had to pick it up in the back. This would explain why the person I talked to seemed to have it together anyway.
Really though, this is why I love my eye doctor's office. "What's your name and date of birth? And what's going on?" Pause. "Can you come in this afternoon?"
Yes, I can.
So, you know where I'll be at 3:15. And it's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I don't want to have to go.
(no subject)
Mar. 25th, 2010 01:21 pmFuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I actually had a fairly good morning, but this afternoon is turning into One Of Those Days.
I got on the bus to come home, and there was a guy getting off the bus while I was trying to get on. So, no problem, I move over, say "sorry, excuse me," to the guy. He's like, "It's cool."
The driver then says to me something like, "In a hurry to get on the bus, huh? You have to wait, check if anyone's getting off first." Sorta grumpy.
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't see him." Not even that pissed off. Yet.
Him: "Well, you have to LOOK."
Me: *deathglare* thinking, too pissed to speak, "Asshole, I'm visually impaired.
Next: 30 minutes of me fuming about this, trying and failing to calm down. I decide I'm going to make the driver regret this. Get out my cane, unfold it, make sure he sees it.
I start to get up before the bus is fully stopped. I often do this and I'm fine. I made a grab for one of the poles, thinking I'd just slide to a stop and laugh it off.
I either missed the pole or there wasn't one there. Fell forward onto bus seats. Hit my leg, hip, etc, on seat dividers, hit my jaw, I think, on the bottom edge of the bus seat.
Me: "Shit!"
Other guys getting off bus: "Hey, are you okay?"
Me: "Yeah, yeah."
Driver: Says NOTHING.
Me: Get to door of bus, unfolding cane. Finish unfolding cane, smack the end onto the top of bus steps to make sure it's settled. Smack a bit harder than necessary. Glare at bus driver.
Bus driver: Will NOT look me in the eye, in fact looks AWAY.
Me: Get off bus and walk home.
So now I'm home and I'm still kind of fuming. It's partially my fault, maybe entirely my fault, for getting pissed off and letting that distract me, so that I fell. But there's no excuse for the rudeness from the driver, and no excuse for him not seeing if I was okay.
ARGH!
So, I'm gonna go sit on an ice pack for a while, and see if my face is swelling. I hope to hell NOT, because I still have to go to the bloody eye doctor today.
I actually had a fairly good morning, but this afternoon is turning into One Of Those Days.
I got on the bus to come home, and there was a guy getting off the bus while I was trying to get on. So, no problem, I move over, say "sorry, excuse me," to the guy. He's like, "It's cool."
The driver then says to me something like, "In a hurry to get on the bus, huh? You have to wait, check if anyone's getting off first." Sorta grumpy.
Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't see him." Not even that pissed off. Yet.
Him: "Well, you have to LOOK."
Me: *deathglare* thinking, too pissed to speak, "Asshole, I'm visually impaired.
Next: 30 minutes of me fuming about this, trying and failing to calm down. I decide I'm going to make the driver regret this. Get out my cane, unfold it, make sure he sees it.
I start to get up before the bus is fully stopped. I often do this and I'm fine. I made a grab for one of the poles, thinking I'd just slide to a stop and laugh it off.
I either missed the pole or there wasn't one there. Fell forward onto bus seats. Hit my leg, hip, etc, on seat dividers, hit my jaw, I think, on the bottom edge of the bus seat.
Me: "Shit!"
Other guys getting off bus: "Hey, are you okay?"
Me: "Yeah, yeah."
Driver: Says NOTHING.
Me: Get to door of bus, unfolding cane. Finish unfolding cane, smack the end onto the top of bus steps to make sure it's settled. Smack a bit harder than necessary. Glare at bus driver.
Bus driver: Will NOT look me in the eye, in fact looks AWAY.
Me: Get off bus and walk home.
So now I'm home and I'm still kind of fuming. It's partially my fault, maybe entirely my fault, for getting pissed off and letting that distract me, so that I fell. But there's no excuse for the rudeness from the driver, and no excuse for him not seeing if I was okay.
ARGH!
So, I'm gonna go sit on an ice pack for a while, and see if my face is swelling. I hope to hell NOT, because I still have to go to the bloody eye doctor today.
(no subject)
Mar. 22nd, 2010 11:25 amIf there's ever any doubt, you can usually tell that I'm still alive because the books read list gets updated. Sometimes it's the only thing I remember to do on LJ lately.
Things are so crazy I hardly know where to start. I'm doing terribly in my stats class, and half the time I'm too tired and depressed to care. I know I've got to get my shit together or I'm going to end up having to retake this damn class, but it's a lot easier said than done.
If I can get through this week, next week is spring break. I figure some time off can't hurt. I hope it helps.
In other news, my shoulder's doing much better, and my physical therapist kicked me to the curb a couple weeks ago. It's like night and day, how much better my shoulder feels now than it did last year when I first started at PT. I have some exercises I can do when things start to tighten up, and it still kind of amazes me how much they help. It used to hurt so much more! It's not like I miss the pain (um, no, really really don't miss it) but I'm still getting used to not being in pain all the time. It's been nice.
I bought some little one pound weights to use in my exercises at this neat little used sporting goods place in town. The longer the economy sucks, the more stuff I'm getting used if I can, and I know a lot of other people are too. 'Course, we've always been into used stuff at my house- books, CDs, movies, video games- because we're basically cheap, and there's basically nothing wrong with used stuff.
I hear about people who won't even buy a used book or used CD, ever, and I don't get it. Then I think I'd like to have their disposable incomes, you know? I wouldn't mind one of their jobs, either, not that I actually have the time or the energy to work right now. Four units isn't much, but when it's homework-intensive, time-consuming math I'm really struggling with... Yeah.
Speaking of which, I should go see if I can make sense of said homework now.
Things are so crazy I hardly know where to start. I'm doing terribly in my stats class, and half the time I'm too tired and depressed to care. I know I've got to get my shit together or I'm going to end up having to retake this damn class, but it's a lot easier said than done.
If I can get through this week, next week is spring break. I figure some time off can't hurt. I hope it helps.
In other news, my shoulder's doing much better, and my physical therapist kicked me to the curb a couple weeks ago. It's like night and day, how much better my shoulder feels now than it did last year when I first started at PT. I have some exercises I can do when things start to tighten up, and it still kind of amazes me how much they help. It used to hurt so much more! It's not like I miss the pain (um, no, really really don't miss it) but I'm still getting used to not being in pain all the time. It's been nice.
I bought some little one pound weights to use in my exercises at this neat little used sporting goods place in town. The longer the economy sucks, the more stuff I'm getting used if I can, and I know a lot of other people are too. 'Course, we've always been into used stuff at my house- books, CDs, movies, video games- because we're basically cheap, and there's basically nothing wrong with used stuff.
I hear about people who won't even buy a used book or used CD, ever, and I don't get it. Then I think I'd like to have their disposable incomes, you know? I wouldn't mind one of their jobs, either, not that I actually have the time or the energy to work right now. Four units isn't much, but when it's homework-intensive, time-consuming math I'm really struggling with... Yeah.
Speaking of which, I should go see if I can make sense of said homework now.
State of the Druid: January 2010
Jan. 28th, 2010 04:46 pmStill alive. I'm mostly posting randomness on Twitter these days, because it's quicker and easier. Mostly I've been too insanely busy to post anything longer. I've had PT two days a week, doctors' appointments, classes, family stuff... During the week I feel like I'm just running, running, running. Then the weekend hits, and I crash.
Last Saturday we went out to run some errunds, post office, library, stuff like that. Came home, watched some TV, went to bed. Slept pretty much all of Sunday. Seriously. I got up twice, had a snack, maybe took some of my pills (I can't even remember) and went back to sleep. Mom figures we were both exhausted, which she was probably right about, but I really hope it doesn't happen again, because I have stuff to do.
And no Stats homework for the weekend, since we (ugh) had an exam today. Which I think I may even have passed. No thanks to my counselor at Disabling Students. I emailed her Monday asking for her signature on a form that allows me to have extra time for taking my exams. She hasn't gotten back to me yet. It's making me grumpy.
I'm not in love with my class or with my teacher, but so far I'm surviving both.
I was really skeptical about physical therapy for my shoulder, but it's helped a LOT. They stared me off kind of light back in December, and now they're working me with weights and resistance. It's usually not tons of fun, though it can be. I love my PT and his assistant, they're both awesome and take my sarcasm and jokes in stride, which is great. I'm slowly getting better, slowly getting my range of motion back. The shoulder's only had one or two spasms this week, which is a lot better.
I'm not overly fond of my orthopedist, but he's of the opinion that I just need to keep up with the PT, and call him if I have problems, get worse, or stop getting better. Which is fine with me. When I started down this road I was convinced I'd torn something and would need surgery. It's good to be wrong, sometimes.
I'm still in some pain, sometimes a lot of pain, but I have painkillers. I even have a refill, which I'm hoping not to need to use, but we'll see how that goes.
I'm trying not to stress out, which some days works better than others. I'm also trying to clean up and clear out stuff in the house in my (haha) spare time. It really is getting there.
My family is... well, it's my family. Been a bit odd since my aunt & uncle moved out of town, because now it really is just Mom and I dealing with the grandparents. The last couple of times she's gone over there I couldn't deal with coming along. I feel sort of bad about this, but it's true. They're... hanging in. Grandpa bounced back from the pacemaker surgery great, though I think his expectations for how much better he'd feel were a little high. I worry about him, but what the hell is there to do?
Grandma's brother and his wife, my great uncle and great aunt, are coming for a weekend- good Gods, it might even be this one, I'll have to check- and that's always highly entertaining. I love them both, they're a riot. He's Grandma's little brother, and the interactions are hysterical to watch. Hopefully some of the aunts and uncles will come down to see them- probably, since the great aunt & uncle live on the East Coast. It'll be cool to see everybody for a while.
And today... This afternoon is a good day, this morning was kind of a so-so one. Behavioral Stats will do that to you. But overall I've been in a better headspace lately. Getting my shoulder back into shape and losing some of the pain really helps there. It still hurts like a son of a bitch sometimes, but it used to constantly hurt that much. So, progress.
Oh, and I didn't kill any freshmen the first week of school, though I was very tempted with a few. Still not ruling out the possibility of smacking a few people upside the head with the cane, though. :)
Last Saturday we went out to run some errunds, post office, library, stuff like that. Came home, watched some TV, went to bed. Slept pretty much all of Sunday. Seriously. I got up twice, had a snack, maybe took some of my pills (I can't even remember) and went back to sleep. Mom figures we were both exhausted, which she was probably right about, but I really hope it doesn't happen again, because I have stuff to do.
And no Stats homework for the weekend, since we (ugh) had an exam today. Which I think I may even have passed. No thanks to my counselor at Disabling Students. I emailed her Monday asking for her signature on a form that allows me to have extra time for taking my exams. She hasn't gotten back to me yet. It's making me grumpy.
I'm not in love with my class or with my teacher, but so far I'm surviving both.
I was really skeptical about physical therapy for my shoulder, but it's helped a LOT. They stared me off kind of light back in December, and now they're working me with weights and resistance. It's usually not tons of fun, though it can be. I love my PT and his assistant, they're both awesome and take my sarcasm and jokes in stride, which is great. I'm slowly getting better, slowly getting my range of motion back. The shoulder's only had one or two spasms this week, which is a lot better.
I'm not overly fond of my orthopedist, but he's of the opinion that I just need to keep up with the PT, and call him if I have problems, get worse, or stop getting better. Which is fine with me. When I started down this road I was convinced I'd torn something and would need surgery. It's good to be wrong, sometimes.
I'm still in some pain, sometimes a lot of pain, but I have painkillers. I even have a refill, which I'm hoping not to need to use, but we'll see how that goes.
I'm trying not to stress out, which some days works better than others. I'm also trying to clean up and clear out stuff in the house in my (haha) spare time. It really is getting there.
My family is... well, it's my family. Been a bit odd since my aunt & uncle moved out of town, because now it really is just Mom and I dealing with the grandparents. The last couple of times she's gone over there I couldn't deal with coming along. I feel sort of bad about this, but it's true. They're... hanging in. Grandpa bounced back from the pacemaker surgery great, though I think his expectations for how much better he'd feel were a little high. I worry about him, but what the hell is there to do?
Grandma's brother and his wife, my great uncle and great aunt, are coming for a weekend- good Gods, it might even be this one, I'll have to check- and that's always highly entertaining. I love them both, they're a riot. He's Grandma's little brother, and the interactions are hysterical to watch. Hopefully some of the aunts and uncles will come down to see them- probably, since the great aunt & uncle live on the East Coast. It'll be cool to see everybody for a while.
And today... This afternoon is a good day, this morning was kind of a so-so one. Behavioral Stats will do that to you. But overall I've been in a better headspace lately. Getting my shoulder back into shape and losing some of the pain really helps there. It still hurts like a son of a bitch sometimes, but it used to constantly hurt that much. So, progress.
Oh, and I didn't kill any freshmen the first week of school, though I was very tempted with a few. Still not ruling out the possibility of smacking a few people upside the head with the cane, though. :)
So, I have my first physical therapy appointment today. I'm not looking forward to it, obviously, but it's more than that. I can't shake the feeling that it's not going to work. I'd love to be wrong, but I don't think I am. If it was just tendinitis, I think the anti-inflammatories would be doing more for it than they are. I think we wouldn't still see so much inflamation on the MRI and the x-rays. I think it wouldn't be locking up on me and hurting like HELL in 3D. I think maybe I'd be able to wash my hair or brush it or do other kinds of reaching things without it locking up or the pain getting so bad I have to stop whatever I'm doing.
And I'm kicking myself for not telling the ortho guy my doc sent me to, about the locking up, or the occasional inability to brush or dry my hair. Or the fact that sometimes it's impossible to write, and once I had to do it anyway to answer an essay question on a history test, and every fucking letter was torture.
I'm mentioning it to the PT, that's for sure, but I feel stupid for not telling the doctor. Usually I write stuff down, especially when I'm seeing a new doc, but it was finals week, the day of my history final, and I was just... not at my best, let's put it that way.
I just think, from everything I've read, that that kind of weakness and especially the locking up, is a sign of an injury, not tendinitis. I'm afraid it's gonna make a huge difference in diagnosing what's wrong with it, and I fucked up. I don't see the doctor for 6 weeks or so, though it may be sooner if this really doesn't work.
I have these nightmare visions of my arm swelling up like a party balloon, you know? And, not so incidentally, hurting like hell.
Speaking of which, the shoulder would like its morning dose of painkillers, NOW. I need to jump in the shower anyway, and get ready to go. The hot water usually helps. Except it'll lock up at least once... maybe again when I'm trying to hold up the blow dryer...
If I have to ask Mom to help me dry my freaking hair, I will cry.
And I'm kicking myself for not telling the ortho guy my doc sent me to, about the locking up, or the occasional inability to brush or dry my hair. Or the fact that sometimes it's impossible to write, and once I had to do it anyway to answer an essay question on a history test, and every fucking letter was torture.
I'm mentioning it to the PT, that's for sure, but I feel stupid for not telling the doctor. Usually I write stuff down, especially when I'm seeing a new doc, but it was finals week, the day of my history final, and I was just... not at my best, let's put it that way.
I just think, from everything I've read, that that kind of weakness and especially the locking up, is a sign of an injury, not tendinitis. I'm afraid it's gonna make a huge difference in diagnosing what's wrong with it, and I fucked up. I don't see the doctor for 6 weeks or so, though it may be sooner if this really doesn't work.
I have these nightmare visions of my arm swelling up like a party balloon, you know? And, not so incidentally, hurting like hell.
Speaking of which, the shoulder would like its morning dose of painkillers, NOW. I need to jump in the shower anyway, and get ready to go. The hot water usually helps. Except it'll lock up at least once... maybe again when I'm trying to hold up the blow dryer...
If I have to ask Mom to help me dry my freaking hair, I will cry.
State of the Druid: Pain Sucks.
Nov. 30th, 2009 05:27 pmGah. Like I was just telling ashkitty, I'm not in a good headspace lately. Am also in pain, which makes me bitchy. My shoulder's been killing me all day, and a little after I took something for that, I started to get a migraine. Which has proceeded to get worse and worse all freaking day. So I took the other half of the pain pill I took earlier. The doc didn't give me anything but anti-inflmmatories (semi-useless) for my shoulder, so I've been popping left over pain meds from my kidney stone adventures. Which I am just about out of now.
So. Called the doc's office today and talked to one of the nurses who knows me, about asking the NP for some real pain meds. NP is out today, naturally, but she said she'd talk to the MD. She said she should get back to me this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest, but with it being the first Monday after a holiday weekend... Mom's stopping at the pharmacy we use on her way home anyway, so I'm hoping the doc's office had time to call something in, but either didn't have time to call me back yet, or the pharmacy told them I have refills there, so one of us will be in today anyway... This is probably a far-fetched hope, but I'm hanging onto it, coasting along on my second-to-last Vicodin.
Please, gods, please, let there be something. I can put up with a lot, but this pain is just wearing me down. I'm not even the same person when I hurt this much. I also can't get much of anything done.
I keep wanting to- intending to- go on YIM, which is where I think my pals likeleviathanmuse, g_shadowslayer, and irreparable hang out. And then I realize that I'm exhausted, and I just hurt too damned much, and that after not chatting with my friends for a while, dumping "evil, pain-suffering, bitchy urbandruid" on them is not fair. Or nice.
Would you guys mind stoned druid, though? 'Cause I think that's what we're looking at for a while here.
This year has just been insane, and just when it seems like things might calm down, something else crops up. Either I'm having medical issues, or someone else in the family is, or there's other stress-y stuff going on, and I just... Gah. I need a break.
Between the days I don't have classes and the holiday, I had a week straight off of school. It was great. And I'm dreading going back. More than the usual complaints I make all the time about not wanting to go back, I'm... worried about going back. Because school = more stress. As always. And this shit with my shoulder is wearing on me mentally. I'm starting to wonder how much more of this I can take.
Then I break down and sob for a while, and after a bit I feel slightly more able to cope with things.
I've thought about calling my shrink, but honestly, what's she gonna tell me? I'm stressed and that's making my depression worse, I'm hurting a lot and that isn't helping the depression or my mood in general? I'm worrying about everything, even stuff that isn't actually mine, because this is what I do? She can't tell me anything I don't already know. Plus, I haven't seen her in at least a year; updating her on everything would take a couple sessions, and right now I don't have time in my schedule for that.
And these may or may not all be excuses for not going in to see her, but... I probably will call her if I end up needing surgery for my shoulder, because that one, I'm gonna need some help coping with.
Oh yeah, and I have homework. World War II map assignment for history that's due tomorrow, and possibly a test in my psych class. Should probably check my syllabus re: the exam and see. Not that I'm worried about it. We've been covering the psych disorders this unit. *yawn*
ashkitty, I'm not in a good headspace lately. Am also in pain, which makes me bitchy. My shoulder's been killing me all day, and a little after I took something for that, I started to get a migraine. Which has proceeded to get worse and worse all freaking day. So I took the other half of the pain pill I took earlier. The doc didn't give me anything but anti-inflmmatories (semi-useless) for my shoulder, so I've been popping left over pain meds from my kidney stone adventures. Which I am just about out of now. So. Called the doc's office today and talked to one of the nurses who knows me, about asking the NP for some real pain meds. NP is out today, naturally, but she said she'd talk to the MD. She said she should get back to me this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest, but with it being the first Monday after a holiday weekend... Mom's stopping at the pharmacy we use on her way home anyway, so I'm hoping the doc's office had time to call something in, but either didn't have time to call me back yet, or the pharmacy told them I have refills there, so one of us will be in today anyway... This is probably a far-fetched hope, but I'm hanging onto it, coasting along on my second-to-last Vicodin.
Please, gods, please, let there be something. I can put up with a lot, but this pain is just wearing me down. I'm not even the same person when I hurt this much. I also can't get much of anything done.
I keep wanting to- intending to- go on YIM, which is where I think my pals like
leviathanmuse, g_shadowslayer, and irreparable hang out. And then I realize that I'm exhausted, and I just hurt too damned much, and that after not chatting with my friends for a while, dumping "evil, pain-suffering, bitchy urbandruid" on them is not fair. Or nice.Would you guys mind stoned druid, though? 'Cause I think that's what we're looking at for a while here.
This year has just been insane, and just when it seems like things might calm down, something else crops up. Either I'm having medical issues, or someone else in the family is, or there's other stress-y stuff going on, and I just... Gah. I need a break.
Between the days I don't have classes and the holiday, I had a week straight off of school. It was great. And I'm dreading going back. More than the usual complaints I make all the time about not wanting to go back, I'm... worried about going back. Because school = more stress. As always. And this shit with my shoulder is wearing on me mentally. I'm starting to wonder how much more of this I can take.
Then I break down and sob for a while, and after a bit I feel slightly more able to cope with things.
I've thought about calling my shrink, but honestly, what's she gonna tell me? I'm stressed and that's making my depression worse, I'm hurting a lot and that isn't helping the depression or my mood in general? I'm worrying about everything, even stuff that isn't actually mine, because this is what I do? She can't tell me anything I don't already know. Plus, I haven't seen her in at least a year; updating her on everything would take a couple sessions, and right now I don't have time in my schedule for that.
And these may or may not all be excuses for not going in to see her, but... I probably will call her if I end up needing surgery for my shoulder, because that one, I'm gonna need some help coping with.
Oh yeah, and I have homework. World War II map assignment for history that's due tomorrow, and possibly a test in my psych class. Should probably check my syllabus re: the exam and see. Not that I'm worried about it. We've been covering the psych disorders this unit. *yawn*
WTF, HP fandom?
Nov. 29th, 2009 04:33 pmOh, HP fandom, I've been totally ignoring you forever, and you're still carrying on just the same. Isn't it lovely to know that some things never change?
/sarcasm
Normally I probably wouldn't even mention this, but I just got up from a nap, I'm in a weird mood, saw this, and thought, "WTF?"
I was going to try and explain the whole thing, but I'll just link to the fandom_wank post, it's easier: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1227910.htm
And then we have the OP's follow-upish thingy here. It's a lot shorter than the original posts, and I think it illustrates well the reasons I want to tear my hair out and hit my head on my desk repeatedly, because this woman is a MORON.
I'm not even gonna get into the whole Lily/Snape vs Lily/James thing. Nope. What's really driving me nuts about this is that the OP seems to think not liking Lily = misogyny.
ARGH! That does not mean what you think it means, OP.
Unless, you know, she's really into this whole Lily = Eve thing she's got going, and since Lily is The Original Woman Who Represents All Women, disliking her means you hate all women.
Seriously, people? Seriously?
If I wasn't used to this kind of nonsense from HP fandom this would be pissing me off a whole lot more, but it's still the stupidest thing I've heard in a while.
And I felt you all needed to know that. :)
/sarcasm
Normally I probably wouldn't even mention this, but I just got up from a nap, I'm in a weird mood, saw this, and thought, "WTF?"
I was going to try and explain the whole thing, but I'll just link to the fandom_wank post, it's easier: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1227910.htm
And then we have the OP's follow-upish thingy here. It's a lot shorter than the original posts, and I think it illustrates well the reasons I want to tear my hair out and hit my head on my desk repeatedly, because this woman is a MORON.
I'm not even gonna get into the whole Lily/Snape vs Lily/James thing. Nope. What's really driving me nuts about this is that the OP seems to think not liking Lily = misogyny.
ARGH! That does not mean what you think it means, OP.
Unless, you know, she's really into this whole Lily = Eve thing she's got going, and since Lily is The Original Woman Who Represents All Women, disliking her means you hate all women.
Seriously, people? Seriously?
If I wasn't used to this kind of nonsense from HP fandom this would be pissing me off a whole lot more, but it's still the stupidest thing I've heard in a while.
And I felt you all needed to know that. :)
(no subject)
Nov. 25th, 2009 11:09 amWell, today's going to be fun, in the sense of not really.
So my doc thought I just had really bad tendinitis in my right shoulder. Turns out... maybe not. I got one shot back in October, in a place I don't really wanna talk about, which seemed to do wonders for a while there. Then the swelling and the pain started creeping back up... and this is with prescription-strength anti-inflammatory drugs twice a day. So I went back to the doc in early November. Got another shot, which didn't seem to do nearly as much for me as the last one did... and got scheduled for an MRI.
Which I tried to do last week. Only, it turns out? I'm not just slightly claustrophobic, I'm really claustrophobic. So I'm going back today, they're giving me some kind of conscious sedation (I'd prefer unconscious, actually...) and we're gonna try again.
They said I could take my pills in the morning with small sips of water, but what I really need to take my pills (anti-inflammatories included) is food. Which I can't have for six hours before my appointment.
No food, no pills, nothing to drink- and I'm not really all that hungry, but I'm really thirsty. Bringing a bottle of water to have when I get out of there, but it's sure no fun right now.
Oh yeah, and I'm 1.) still scared to death of the MRI machine of doom, and 2.) even more scared that my doc's right, I've torn my rotator cuff, and I might need surgery to fix it.
If I never need another surgery in my LIFE it will be too soon.
So my doc thought I just had really bad tendinitis in my right shoulder. Turns out... maybe not. I got one shot back in October, in a place I don't really wanna talk about, which seemed to do wonders for a while there. Then the swelling and the pain started creeping back up... and this is with prescription-strength anti-inflammatory drugs twice a day. So I went back to the doc in early November. Got another shot, which didn't seem to do nearly as much for me as the last one did... and got scheduled for an MRI.
Which I tried to do last week. Only, it turns out? I'm not just slightly claustrophobic, I'm really claustrophobic. So I'm going back today, they're giving me some kind of conscious sedation (I'd prefer unconscious, actually...) and we're gonna try again.
They said I could take my pills in the morning with small sips of water, but what I really need to take my pills (anti-inflammatories included) is food. Which I can't have for six hours before my appointment.
No food, no pills, nothing to drink- and I'm not really all that hungry, but I'm really thirsty. Bringing a bottle of water to have when I get out of there, but it's sure no fun right now.
Oh yeah, and I'm 1.) still scared to death of the MRI machine of doom, and 2.) even more scared that my doc's right, I've torn my rotator cuff, and I might need surgery to fix it.
If I never need another surgery in my LIFE it will be too soon.
(no subject)
Nov. 17th, 2009 05:09 pmSo I'm on Twitter now, mostly because all of my friends are.
http://twitter.com/aurordark
Follow me. I'm lonely. I've added the people I know that I could find- oh, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
http://twitter.com/aurordark
Follow me. I'm lonely. I've added the people I know that I could find- oh, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
(no subject)
Oct. 29th, 2009 07:09 amStill alive. Ish. Have an exam in my psych class which I didn't much study for, and am not overly concerned about. I could teach this class. Except I wouldn't, because it's boring and simplistic. I keep telling myself I'm here so the fuckers don't make me take health.
I am exhausted and stressed and tired, none of which is a.) new or b.) likely to change any time soon.
Also have an appointment with my asthma clinic today. No clue which of the docs I'll be seeing, because they never tell me that. And when they do tell me, half the time that doc isn't working that day after all. I was supposed to be recording my peak flows for a month, but the last month has been HELL in 3D, so I've done a week's worth. And they had better not get on my case about it either, because I'm this close to going postal on them already. They've been jerking me around since this summer, and either it stops or I fire them.
Mood I'm in lately, they really want to NOT piss me off.
I am exhausted and stressed and tired, none of which is a.) new or b.) likely to change any time soon.
Also have an appointment with my asthma clinic today. No clue which of the docs I'll be seeing, because they never tell me that. And when they do tell me, half the time that doc isn't working that day after all. I was supposed to be recording my peak flows for a month, but the last month has been HELL in 3D, so I've done a week's worth. And they had better not get on my case about it either, because I'm this close to going postal on them already. They've been jerking me around since this summer, and either it stops or I fire them.
Mood I'm in lately, they really want to NOT piss me off.
(no subject)
Oct. 15th, 2009 02:17 pmHi guys.
Some of you know my grandpa's been having heart problems for a while. Not sure if I mentioned he was getting a pacemaker or not. Originally his surgery was scheduled for next week, but the doc saw some stuff happening he didn't like, so Grandpa went in today.
It was supposed to be an out-patient thing, but they couldn't put it quite where they wanted to, so the hospital's keeping him at least overnight to make sure he's okay. Mom and I are heading out to go see him in a bit, not sure when we'll be back.
Updates when I can.
Some of you know my grandpa's been having heart problems for a while. Not sure if I mentioned he was getting a pacemaker or not. Originally his surgery was scheduled for next week, but the doc saw some stuff happening he didn't like, so Grandpa went in today.
It was supposed to be an out-patient thing, but they couldn't put it quite where they wanted to, so the hospital's keeping him at least overnight to make sure he's okay. Mom and I are heading out to go see him in a bit, not sure when we'll be back.
Updates when I can.
