modern medicine: we meet again
Jun. 1st, 2004 10:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
urbandruidI have this doctor's appointment this afternoon. I'm really nervous. I always hate going to the doctor- too many visits in the past, I think- but not for some reason it seems worse. I don't want to end up in the hospital again, and logically I know that's probably not going to happen. I'm not nearly as bad as I was last month. Just enough pain for me to know it's there, none of the other stuff- the absence of nausia and vomiting is a real plus, might I add.
So really I'm much better than I was last time around. I am. I just don't want this to be happening at all, and I think that's the basic problem here. I don't want anything to be wrong with me at all. And I'm not looking forward to all the tests. I'm so tired of all this medical stuff; it seems like it's always something, every time I turn around.
I feel so much better today that it's really tempting to call and cancel the appointment, skip the chat with the NP and the tests and all of that crap. But I don't dare, because it'll just happen again, and probably worse for being ignored.
And maybe it won't be as bad as I think it will be. Maybe I won't have to have too many tests, maybe they won't be awfull, maybe the NP will have some good ideas on how to keep this from happening again.
My mother keeps reminding me I'm going in for help. Which is true, but, you know, she gets to sit in the waiting room with a magazine. I am, as always, the one who gets to walk through the doors and hear them close behind me, and deal with my own pain and my own little medical nightmares.
Just for once I wish they could be someone else's problem. (Which is a really horrid thing for me to say, but I think it's true anyway.)
And in the meantime I'm getting almost nothing done. I have all this stuff I need to do, some of it in the to-do list of doom, some of it in my notebooks, and a great deal of it in my head- and I've done hardly any of it. Part of it's been worry over the health stuff, but I've got to admit a lot of it is just pure laziness.
So really I'm much better than I was last time around. I am. I just don't want this to be happening at all, and I think that's the basic problem here. I don't want anything to be wrong with me at all. And I'm not looking forward to all the tests. I'm so tired of all this medical stuff; it seems like it's always something, every time I turn around.
I feel so much better today that it's really tempting to call and cancel the appointment, skip the chat with the NP and the tests and all of that crap. But I don't dare, because it'll just happen again, and probably worse for being ignored.
And maybe it won't be as bad as I think it will be. Maybe I won't have to have too many tests, maybe they won't be awfull, maybe the NP will have some good ideas on how to keep this from happening again.
My mother keeps reminding me I'm going in for help. Which is true, but, you know, she gets to sit in the waiting room with a magazine. I am, as always, the one who gets to walk through the doors and hear them close behind me, and deal with my own pain and my own little medical nightmares.
Just for once I wish they could be someone else's problem. (Which is a really horrid thing for me to say, but I think it's true anyway.)
And in the meantime I'm getting almost nothing done. I have all this stuff I need to do, some of it in the to-do list of doom, some of it in my notebooks, and a great deal of it in my head- and I've done hardly any of it. Part of it's been worry over the health stuff, but I've got to admit a lot of it is just pure laziness.
