More than you think you are

Everything looks so terrible when you're tired. The world is this big dark hole you're never going to be able to dig yourself out of... And then you get some good, solid sleep, sleep that isn't interrupted by your crazy neighbors fighting or doing- other things too loudly, or by the noises from the alley... and you wake up and remember that you're a human being.

You wake up thinking you can do anything.

Oh, not fly off the Empire State Building without wings, or walk on water, or anything like that, but you think you can get through one more day of classes, and pass your Algebra II exam.

You can do these things even though you're still slowly bouncing back from a sinus infection, even though you're still sort of pushing it. You're a bright college student, even if you have been a little bit off your game lately.

You can do this.

* * *

I'm feeling better about things in general today, and even if I'd maybe rather skip the Algebra test, I think I can survive it now. I can do this. I really can.

In other news, I heard today my book was sent. Of course, half the emails with UPS tracking numbers somehow got eaten by their server- guess which half I'm in. They say it should be here soon, if it isn't already (and it isn't), though, so here's hoping! I emailed them to ask if they could send me my tracking number anyway. I like to keep an eye on these things.

Okay. Time to go to school. I can do this, I can...

I am going to ace that test.

Stop the !@#$ing world, I want off- NOW!

Okay, first of all, I need new icons. I pissed off, angry fucking icons. Badly.

Must fix this.

Second...

Never, ever, believe your own proaganda, boys and girls. Never.

Crappy day. Crappy, crappy day.

I went to take my Algebra test up in the Disabled Students office like I always do, and I fell apart towards the end. Factor what? Ah, fuck. And so on and so forth. So I fight my way through that, and stumble off to class, feeling like a war veteran. And when I get there-

They've been doing homework and review for an hour. She put off the test till Monday.

She put off the fucking test!

And I already took it, and I was looking forward to doing nothing this weekend except the honor society car wash (which I am still fucking going to!) and...ugh.

She's giving me the opportunity to take the test again, but still....

I can hardly articulate how angry and annoyed and upset I am right now. I thought I knew where I was, what was going on, you know? And then she pulls the rug out from under me.

*buries head in hands*

*deep breath*

And to add insult to injury, some smartass posted a sign on the elevator, right below the "staff or disabled only" sign. It says "no students."

Excuse me, but... Fuck you. Get the hell out of my way, 'cause if you think I'm breaking my neck on the goddamn stairs just because a bunch of idiots are using the elevator who shouldn't, you've got another think coming. I mean, the stairs on the math building are really bad. I took them leaving class today, and they're not even marked with tape, they're just flat cement, and they're outside, and if it rains... *shakes head* Nope. Sorry.

Then DS&S decides to get snooty with me- they have too many people wanting to take tests at 10:00 Monday, and could I do it earlier or later? Well, no, not really, because I have classes, hello! And then it's, I can't authorize this, I have to talk to so and so, can you come back later and ask about this then?

No, I sure as shit cannot. Yeah, that's right, go ahead, push my buttons. I'm just looking for an excuse to blow up...

Anyway, I'm all set now, but I was on the edge of going thermonucular for a second there. Instead I went home, slammed the apartment door enough to rattle the pictures on the walls and screamed "God damnit!" at the top of my lungs. Nobody heard me, because there's some guy downstairs spraying for bugs.

Yeah. Smells lovely, too, lemmie tell ya.

* * *

Er, yes. Sorry about that. I'm much calmer now, really. Ranting is good for the soul, or something like that. Anyway... yeah. Having ranted about it, I'm going to go off and not think about it for a while. Possibly the rest of the night. I'm going out to dinner, where I will probably buy myself a drink, and then I'm going to the bookstore. So there.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to the carwash tomorrow. I might not stay all day, but I need friends just as much as I need to pass Algebra II.