State of the Druid: October 2014

So... I seem to keep going for ages and ages between updates lately. It's not that there hasn't been anything to say, more like there's been too much and I hardly know where to start.

I'm writing this on one of the school laptops because I didn't feel like bringing mine today. The college has this cool thing where you can check out a laptop from the library for a few hours, it's really awesome. You can take them anywhere on campus, as long as you have them back by the time they're due. And do not be late, the fine is insane. (No, I've never been late with one, but it's posted on a big sign by the checkout counter.)

Anyway. School has been my main focus since I started back in August. I always try to take a couple easy classes and one more difficult one, and I always end up having more work to do then I think I will. Add that to the fact that it's midterm/paper season, as I call it, and... yeah. I'm lucky if I can catch my breath lately.

But things are better. Last month I had a sinus infection which wasn't properly diagnosed, so by the time they got me antibiotics, the first round didn't work and I had to go for a second, higher grade antibiotic to kick the infection. While still going to class, taking exams, writing papers... you know, life as usual. So that was fun.

Then there was the anniversary of my grandfather's death. If you've been following me on Facebook you know he died last September. We knew it was coming eventually, but he had a bad fall with a head injury, and just never recovered from it. I miss him. I think about him a lot when I'm at school because he used to teach out here, and I just... I wish he could have... Well, hell. I wish he'd never gotten Alzheimer's, that was the start, you know? Fucking horrible disease.

My family is coping mostly okay...now. But it was pretty rough for a while, especially for Mom and Grandma. I still worry about them sometimes, but it's me, I worry about everything and everybody.

You know, sometimes I think I'd just like to totally erase 2013. It pretty much sucked start to finish, with a few exceptions. And I'm not really thinking of any particularly good ones right now. All that stands out in my memory is the bad stuff. There was a lot of bad.

So... Mostly I post on Facebook these days (drop me a comment or an email and I'll shoot you the link) or on Twitter at @technomagecray. Both are friendslocked, but if I know you, I'll add you. Fair warning though, Twitter is where I mostly bitch about things I can't bitch about on Facebook because Mom and my aunt read it now. The joys of family networking. No, really I don't mind, I made the decision to add them, it just changes what I post a little. That and I don't totally trust Facebook's security to be as secure as they say it is. I don't want stuff coming back to haunt me later, so I'm careful about what I post.

I guess I'm still trying to come to grips with everything that happened last year- my cat Samantha dying, my grandfather dying, the break-in and everything that we lost...

Today my Women's Studies prof said something about how there should be support groups for break-ins. Yeah, no shit. I'm not going to try and claim it's as traumatic as some other crimes that people could experience, but it was a major thing for me.

Mostly what I am these days is angry.

Well, no. Not angry.

Furious. Pissed, white-hot rage furious. That people could come into my house- my house! and take things we'd worked and saved for, and just shatter that sense of security that everybody ought to be able to enjoy in their own homes. Sometimes I start to think I've gotten over it, and then something will remind me, or I'll notice something else missing, and it's just like, really? Really, you bastards? You had to steal my favorite tote bag, too? Probably put my (stolen) Mac and Mom's (stolen) Toshiba in there. Fuckers.

The things I really can't get over losing are the sentimental items, and the laptop. Not so much the laptops themselves as what was on them, before I had the sense to back stuff up. I lost years of writing- and I know, you're all tired of hearing about it. Plus I should have backed up more often, which is just- yeah, I know. But seriously?

I'm lucky, that's the thing I have to keep reminding myself of. I was lucky not to be found and hurt, or worse. I get that. I just... Yeah. I hope they catch them someday, but I'll never know if they do or not. I didn't get that good of a look at the one who came to the door, and the neighbor saw them from across the street. Unless we get really lucky... *sigh* I think the police will probably catch them one of these days, because people who kick in doors in broad freaking daylight are just not that smart. But they'll never be able to tie them to our break-in unless they were stupid enough to keep some of our stuff and get caught with it. Makes me wish I'd had my initials engraved on the back of that pentagram necklace they swiped from my room. I figure karma will get their asses in the end, I just wish I could know about it.

...Yeah, this entry is a massive downer, and I apologize. Hopefully I'll have some better news soon.

Let's see. The psychology club is having a get-together tomorrow afternoon so we can all talk about what classes to take next semester, what professors are good, and stuff like that. Should be fun. It's a great group of people and I have a good time every time we get together, even if it's just an informational meeting. I went ice skating with them last year, fell on my ass and got off the ice real fast, but had a great time anyway.

I've been sick for every event they've had this semester, which sucks, but I'm hoping that's over. I am so tired of being sick.

Other news. I'm starting to look into graduate programs, which is scary as hell but necessary at this point in my career. The really scary thing is that I'm going to have to leave home, because the only school around here that offers a doctorate in clinical psych is a for-profit school, and, no. Plus my stalker is going there, and...yeah. Would prefer never to see her again if possible. It's bad enough she's at the college I'm at now, but it's a big place so I don't see her that much. And at this point I think she's more afraid of me than I am of her. That temper of mine was finally good for something- I think I scared the shit out of her the last time I spoke to her, when I told her to stay the hell away from me. At great volume.

Anyway. Grad school. Where I really want to go is UC Berkeley, but we'll see if they let me in. Not only do they have a great program, but the public transportation in the city is awesome, which is pretty much a requirement for anywhere I end up due to the whole no-driving thing. Which I'm coming to accept is going to be a permanent state of affairs for me. They just can't sharpen my usable vision up enough for me to even qualify for a restricted license, plus there's the whole practically blind in one eye thing. It just scares me too much to even think abot trying to drive with one good eye, even if they'd let me. So I've got to go somewhere where the public transit is good enough that I don't need to drive.

I've heard some nightmare stories about grad school, though. One of my professors, who's from a town around here, ended up in Kansas. Kansas. Another prof ended up in Tennessee, but that was Vanderbilt. I think I'd go to Vanderbilt if they let me in. Well, not if I got into Berkeley, too, but I would consider a good school. I kinda feel like they should be fighting over me, to be honest. I'm an awesome student, any program would be lucky to have me, right? ;)

I think I'm going to try and do NaNoWriMo again this year. I've done it once, but it's been a long time and I think I'm ready to give it another go. Even though it's in November, and that's a heavy month for school, what with being the month before finals and all. And even though I'm always busy as hell in November. I have a lot of free time in my days too, especially the ones when I have class- I'm on campus all day, and have very little to do aside from homework and reading in between classes.

Of course, I don't exactly have an idea yet, or not much of one. There's an old novel attempt I might restart, that I've been toying with since high school, but I dunno. It's this YA dystopian thing, and there are, what, a billion of those out there now? I should've written it in the 90's, and sold it when the dystopian craze first hit. (And why does the Firefox spellchecker not know 'dystpoian'? Stupid thing, I am ignoring you.) Anyway. It's about this girl and her friends, who mostly used the internet to communicate. In some versions they went to high school together, but split up to go to different colleges, and in other versions they only knew each other through the net. But they were the only real friends my main character had, so when the Evil Government hits and things to to hell, she tries to find them.

Anybody want a cameo? I promise not to kill you off unless you want me to. ;)

Yeah, the more I think about this, the more I think I'll do it. Why the hell not, right? I need to write something beside fanfic. And I'm still writing a good bit of fanfic (see aurordark) these days. My obsessions go in cycles- this past summer I had seaQuest DSV nostalgia, now I'm all about Gundam Wing. Not sure what'll be next, once the GW bug burns itself out. Maybe I'll get back to the Honor Harrington fic nobody reads, or the Harry Potter stuff. I like fanfic, though. It's fun, it can be frivilious or serious, and it lets me play with a lot of different things- styles of writing, tone, POV... yeah. This should be an aurordark entry. I'll probably go over there and ramble a bit on the subject when I finish this one.

Honestly at this point I'm just killing time till I can go home. I have no homework at the moment, and am not in the mood to do my psych reading. So, you get a tl;dr update. Sorry 'bout that.

I love October. I think in some ways it's my favorite month. It's finally cooling off a little, though I guess that's subjective- it's supposed to be 81 degrees today. But at least it's not 90, and it is cold in the mornings. I finally put my sandals away for the season and dug out my hoodies. Gods I love hoodie season.

I have an exam the day before Halloween, and a psych club meeting on Halloween itself. That should be entertaining. I'm not really sure if I'll do a costume- probably not. If my blazer still fit I'd dust off the Psi Cop outfit I came up with one year and see if anybody recognized it. I actually got somebody who did one year, it was great.

Otherwise I'm going to dye my hair a nice crimson red, dress all in black, and tell people I'm Sydney Bristow. And see if anyone knows who the hell that is.

I like my costumes obscure, apparently.

Okay, I think that's enough rambling for now. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. :)