urbandruid: (Galen)
I'm sorry this is going to be so scattered and all over the place, but that's just the way it is. I haven't written for too long, and there's too much going on.

Practically all semester (since the end of August, anyway) I've been doing exactly what the doctors told me to do, and trying really hard not to do what I was told not to do. I've been taking it easy on the typing and especially on the writing things out longhand. I've tried to moderate my computer use, and people who know me know that that's a lot to ask.

And honestly? At the risk of fucking my hand up even more, I just- I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I'm tired and I'm stressed, it's two in the morning and I'm not sleeping, and I need this. I need to write. Need to do something.

Because, really? Behaving myself isn't helping as much as you might think. Long story short- I smacked the hell out of my right wrist in late August. I figured I'd broken it, hairline fracture or something. As if any of my medical problems could be that normal. Nope. It turned out to have aggravated something I've probably had for a long time, called a ganglion cyst. Which after taking a while to figure out what it was, the nice doc at the school health center stabbed a needle into and drained in October. And we figured, okay, the hand situation will get better now, right? The swelling will go down and the pain will go away, and it'll just- not be such a pain in the ass. Yeah. Didn't happen. Instead the swelling got worse, two fingers and my thumb started to go numb.

And I started to drop stuff. Just- sitting there and watching it go, like someone else had dropped it. Except it was me. Because suddenly I have no control over my own body, or at least my right hand.

So, now I have a new specialist for my collection. Orthopedist #2. Ortho #1 does knees and shoulders, I needed a hand specialist. So. I saw him... like a month ago, I think? Got myself scheduled for an (yet another) MRI and a nerve conduction test, because in addition to Return of the Cyst from Hell, he thinks I have carpal tunnel. Too.

So, Chris, you ask, do you have carpal tunnel? No clue. Because I don't see the doc again until the 4th of December. Yeah. So I have two weeks from this past Tuesday to go. Hanging out with my falling-apart brace from the student health center at school, hoarding the painkillers the doc there gave me for the really bad days.

Wondering if I'm going to need one hand surgery, or two. The number of surgeries I actually want? Zero.

And on top of it, one of the main ways I calm myself down, one of the main ways I keep myself together and just cope with things... is writing. Which I'm supposed to do as little of as possible. Which, yeah, I've been trying. And I just can't do it anymore. I'm typing with my brace on now, and it's slower than I'm used to, and I'm making more mistakes, but at least I'm getting some of this out. Other than talking to my new therapist, or my best friend at school, and my mom, I haven't been able to get a lot of it out. And there's a limit to how much shit I feel like I can dump on my friend L and my mom.

It's been a long semester, my first at real college. And the second or third week this happens, the start of the hand saga, and things have been insane ever since. I got to have someone else take my notes for a month when we thought the hand was broken, but after that- with nobody being able to say for sure what was wrong yet, there was no doctor to sign the Disabled Students form. Nobody to say, let's take a little pressure off this woman, let's make her do a few less things with the hand of doom. I have the form, which I'll make the ortho do something with when I see him in December. But right now I'm stuck doing everything. The only saving grace is that in the one class where I really have to take notes, he uses PowerPoint, and puts the slides online for us to print out. So I only have to write down everything that isn't on the slides.

Still, on the days when the hand is really bad, you can't imagine how much it hurts to write. How much it hurts to fill in the little bubbles on Scrantons for my tests. And thank GOD there are no essay questions.

My psych prof has us doing 'mind maps', these drawings to illustrate the concepts from our reading in our two textbooks. You ever try to draw with (probable) carpal tunnel and a cyst on your wrist? It's a bitch.

The whole thing is a bitch, to be perfectly honest. I'm unbelievably tired of all of it. I am finally, finally on break for Thanksgiving. I've only been looking forward to this for months, because dragging your ass through six units of upper division classes and learning your way around a new college is enough fun without the stress of constant, chronic pain. And the stress of the whole unknown 'what the hell is wrong with me this time and what are they going to have to do to me to fix it?'

But at least I've got some time now, and I'm going to try to do some fun stuff with that time. I've discovered I can't just not write, so I'm going to try typing in moderation (she says, working on this huge journal post, but whatever) and see how that goes. I've gotta do something, you know?
urbandruid: (Vader / Sith Happens (niicoly))
None of my icons are really grumpy or sarcastic enough for how I feel right now. Guess I should do something about that at some point. (Note to self: dump some of the BSG crap and upload a Snape icon or ten.)

Anyway.

So I was right about why my knee feels even more like crap than usual. Stupid temp. One of the regular people was back yesterday, and when I told her where the temp had put the electrodes- right on my bad knee, not on the muscles around it- she freaked out a bit. Yeah, I'd thought that was the problem, too. We also figured out why it didn't bother me right away- because we use heat or ice with the E-stim, and the knee had already been bugging me that day, so when the temp gave me a choice, I asked for ice. (If the PT had been there, I wouldn't have gotten to make that call- oh wait, the temp wouldn't have been around to screw up if he'd been there. Never mind.)

I'm so pissed about this I can't even tell you. The last thing I needed was another setback, especially when I'm starting back to school so soon. (Which, yeah, I'm trying not to think about yet, but still.) I'm going into my last semester at City (thank Gods!) and in order to graduate in May I need to be able to get through one more PE class, Dance Conditioning. I also, for the sake of my sanity, really need to be able to get back to ballet. I'm pissed enough that if not for the knee my teacher would've moved me up a level, but having to sit out most of the semester, he didn't think I was ready. I can't argue- I'm not ready. But I could've been, and that's what burns.

It's not that I'm a brilliant dancer, but I've been taking class for a year now, and I'm getting a lot better. And it's become a great stress relief, a great way to get away from everything else for a while. I've had a harder time dealing, without it, and it seems like things have only gotten crazier since I hurt my knee. I guess that's just my luck, that I need it more when I'm less able to do it.

I need to have a long chat with my PT about the ballet class and the dance conditioning one, which I'd hoped to be able to do this week, but he's still on vacation. Apparently everybody else is going to take Friday off, too, because I was supposed to have my second appointment of the week then, but they made me reschedule. Not happy. Also not happy that my new appointment is next Thursday. The idea of taking basically a week off from PT does not thrill me. Sure, I need to let my knee calm down a little, and I've got exercises to do at home (a lot of exercises, to be honest with you) but there's stuff I do at PT that I can't do at home.

I'm actually almost tempted to call my grandmother and ask her if I can use the gym at her place, since they've got a treadmill and an exercise bike, and I sure as hell don't. Maybe this weekend, since we'll be over there anyway for New Years' stuff... But the idea that I'm worried enough about my knee to be willing to put up with Grandma... Yeah, that frightens me a little.

In other news, I'm going out today with a friend. Yeah, nobody faint. We met in the hell that was Behavioral Stats, survived it together, and are looking forward to slogging through Health 1 this coming semester. I figure we can keep each other awake. Anyway, we're going out to lunch, and then, honestly, I dunno what we're gonna do. I'm so bored I'm about to go stir crazy, so I really don't care what we do.

Even if we spend all day watching DVDs at her place. I won't be stuck at my house.

Eye update

Apr. 1st, 2010 01:01 pm
urbandruid: (River)
I was right about what was wrong with my eye. Go me. It's basically a blocked oil gland that may or may not have been infected. The doc put me on antibiotic/steroid anti-inflammatory drops, which have really cleared things up. It's still a little red, but the pain's mostly gone, and I'm getting a lot better at putting the drops in.

I'd forgotten how hard it is to use eye drops when you can't see what you're doing. Not having vision in that eye is great if someone else is doing the drops, because you can't blink. Trying to do it yourself is an adventure. Lost count of the number of times I hit my cheekbone, or my nose, or my eyebrow... But it's coming back to me. And I figured out that if I'm really not sure of what I'm doing, I can stand in front of a mirror. I'm not sure why I never thought of that before, except that I've hardly ever had to put drops in just the left eye. The only thing I've used lately has been allergy type drops, and for some reason I'm a little less worried about screwing up with Liquid Tears, you know?

Anyway. I went looking online for some info about my eyelid thingy, which is called a Chalazion, if anyone cares. Let me just advise you now NOT to check Wikipedia or similar for that one, because they have pics, and they're gross. I mean, really gross. Mine was a little pinprick compared to some of the ones I saw. *shudder*

Interestingly, in addition to the symptoms I'd noticed, the pain and the swelling and redness, this also causes light sensitivity. I thought the eye was a little more unhappy with light than usual, but it was hard to be sure. Good to know I'm not going crazy. Well- no crazier than usual, anyway.
urbandruid: (Jaina / Invisible Girl)
I don't know whether to scream or cry at this point. The way things are going, I'd better not cry.

I went to the eye doctor last week for my annual checkup. Everything was fine.

Yesterday afternoon my left eye, the one I have very little vision in, started hurting. I checked it out in the mirror, and the eyelid looked kind of red and puffy, so I put some basic rewetting drops in. Didn't help. Started putting hot compresses on it this morning, which didn't help much either. Now my eyelid's red, swollen, and painful. I can't tell if it's affecting my vision any, because I can pretty much only see out of the corner of that eye.

I'm pretty sure I know what this is. I had something similar back in the 90's, only it was much worse because it was in my good eye. So this scares me a little bit less than that did, but I'm still not having a great time.

I was laying on the couch this morning with a heat pack over my face for almost an hour before I decided enough was enough, and called the eye doctor. I hate to do it, because I was just there, but this is not going to go away on its own, and the pain is starting to really make me cranky.

Thankfully it was almost lunch when I called the doc's office, and the phone rang so many times in the front office that I think they finally had to pick it up in the back. This would explain why the person I talked to seemed to have it together anyway.

Really though, this is why I love my eye doctor's office. "What's your name and date of birth? And what's going on?" Pause. "Can you come in this afternoon?"

Yes, I can.

So, you know where I'll be at 3:15. And it's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I don't want to have to go.
urbandruid: (Galen)
Still alive. I'm mostly posting randomness on Twitter these days, because it's quicker and easier. Mostly I've been too insanely busy to post anything longer. I've had PT two days a week, doctors' appointments, classes, family stuff... During the week I feel like I'm just running, running, running. Then the weekend hits, and I crash.

Last Saturday we went out to run some errunds, post office, library, stuff like that. Came home, watched some TV, went to bed. Slept pretty much all of Sunday. Seriously. I got up twice, had a snack, maybe took some of my pills (I can't even remember) and went back to sleep. Mom figures we were both exhausted, which she was probably right about, but I really hope it doesn't happen again, because I have stuff to do.

And no Stats homework for the weekend, since we (ugh) had an exam today. Which I think I may even have passed. No thanks to my counselor at Disabling Students. I emailed her Monday asking for her signature on a form that allows me to have extra time for taking my exams. She hasn't gotten back to me yet. It's making me grumpy.

I'm not in love with my class or with my teacher, but so far I'm surviving both.

I was really skeptical about physical therapy for my shoulder, but it's helped a LOT. They stared me off kind of light back in December, and now they're working me with weights and resistance. It's usually not tons of fun, though it can be. I love my PT and his assistant, they're both awesome and take my sarcasm and jokes in stride, which is great. I'm slowly getting better, slowly getting my range of motion back. The shoulder's only had one or two spasms this week, which is a lot better.

I'm not overly fond of my orthopedist, but he's of the opinion that I just need to keep up with the PT, and call him if I have problems, get worse, or stop getting better. Which is fine with me. When I started down this road I was convinced I'd torn something and would need surgery. It's good to be wrong, sometimes.

I'm still in some pain, sometimes a lot of pain, but I have painkillers. I even have a refill, which I'm hoping not to need to use, but we'll see how that goes.

I'm trying not to stress out, which some days works better than others. I'm also trying to clean up and clear out stuff in the house in my (haha) spare time. It really is getting there.

My family is... well, it's my family. Been a bit odd since my aunt & uncle moved out of town, because now it really is just Mom and I dealing with the grandparents. The last couple of times she's gone over there I couldn't deal with coming along. I feel sort of bad about this, but it's true. They're... hanging in. Grandpa bounced back from the pacemaker surgery great, though I think his expectations for how much better he'd feel were a little high. I worry about him, but what the hell is there to do?

Grandma's brother and his wife, my great uncle and great aunt, are coming for a weekend- good Gods, it might even be this one, I'll have to check- and that's always highly entertaining. I love them both, they're a riot. He's Grandma's little brother, and the interactions are hysterical to watch. Hopefully some of the aunts and uncles will come down to see them- probably, since the great aunt & uncle live on the East Coast. It'll be cool to see everybody for a while.

And today... This afternoon is a good day, this morning was kind of a so-so one. Behavioral Stats will do that to you. But overall I've been in a better headspace lately. Getting my shoulder back into shape and losing some of the pain really helps there. It still hurts like a son of a bitch sometimes, but it used to constantly hurt that much. So, progress.

Oh, and I didn't kill any freshmen the first week of school, though I was very tempted with a few. Still not ruling out the possibility of smacking a few people upside the head with the cane, though. :)
urbandruid: (Default)
So, I have my first physical therapy appointment today. I'm not looking forward to it, obviously, but it's more than that. I can't shake the feeling that it's not going to work. I'd love to be wrong, but I don't think I am. If it was just tendinitis, I think the anti-inflammatories would be doing more for it than they are. I think we wouldn't still see so much inflamation on the MRI and the x-rays. I think it wouldn't be locking up on me and hurting like HELL in 3D. I think maybe I'd be able to wash my hair or brush it or do other kinds of reaching things without it locking up or the pain getting so bad I have to stop whatever I'm doing.

And I'm kicking myself for not telling the ortho guy my doc sent me to, about the locking up, or the occasional inability to brush or dry my hair. Or the fact that sometimes it's impossible to write, and once I had to do it anyway to answer an essay question on a history test, and every fucking letter was torture.

I'm mentioning it to the PT, that's for sure, but I feel stupid for not telling the doctor. Usually I write stuff down, especially when I'm seeing a new doc, but it was finals week, the day of my history final, and I was just... not at my best, let's put it that way.

I just think, from everything I've read, that that kind of weakness and especially the locking up, is a sign of an injury, not tendinitis. I'm afraid it's gonna make a huge difference in diagnosing what's wrong with it, and I fucked up. I don't see the doctor for 6 weeks or so, though it may be sooner if this really doesn't work.

I have these nightmare visions of my arm swelling up like a party balloon, you know? And, not so incidentally, hurting like hell.

Speaking of which, the shoulder would like its morning dose of painkillers, NOW. I need to jump in the shower anyway, and get ready to go. The hot water usually helps. Except it'll lock up at least once... maybe again when I'm trying to hold up the blow dryer...

If I have to ask Mom to help me dry my freaking hair, I will cry.
urbandruid: (River)
Gah. Like I was just telling [livejournal.com profile] ashkitty, I'm not in a good headspace lately. Am also in pain, which makes me bitchy. My shoulder's been killing me all day, and a little after I took something for that, I started to get a migraine. Which has proceeded to get worse and worse all freaking day. So I took the other half of the pain pill I took earlier. The doc didn't give me anything but anti-inflmmatories (semi-useless) for my shoulder, so I've been popping left over pain meds from my kidney stone adventures. Which I am just about out of now.

So. Called the doc's office today and talked to one of the nurses who knows me, about asking the NP for some real pain meds. NP is out today, naturally, but she said she'd talk to the MD. She said she should get back to me this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest, but with it being the first Monday after a holiday weekend... Mom's stopping at the pharmacy we use on her way home anyway, so I'm hoping the doc's office had time to call something in, but either didn't have time to call me back yet, or the pharmacy told them I have refills there, so one of us will be in today anyway... This is probably a far-fetched hope, but I'm hanging onto it, coasting along on my second-to-last Vicodin.

Please, gods, please, let there be something. I can put up with a lot, but this pain is just wearing me down. I'm not even the same person when I hurt this much. I also can't get much of anything done.

I keep wanting to- intending to- go on YIM, which is where I think my pals like [livejournal.com profile] leviathanmuse, [livejournal.com profile] g_shadowslayer, and [livejournal.com profile] irreparable hang out. And then I realize that I'm exhausted, and I just hurt too damned much, and that after not chatting with my friends for a while, dumping "evil, pain-suffering, bitchy [livejournal.com profile] urbandruid" on them is not fair. Or nice.

Would you guys mind stoned druid, though? 'Cause I think that's what we're looking at for a while here.

This year has just been insane, and just when it seems like things might calm down, something else crops up. Either I'm having medical issues, or someone else in the family is, or there's other stress-y stuff going on, and I just... Gah. I need a break.

Between the days I don't have classes and the holiday, I had a week straight off of school. It was great. And I'm dreading going back. More than the usual complaints I make all the time about not wanting to go back, I'm... worried about going back. Because school = more stress. As always. And this shit with my shoulder is wearing on me mentally. I'm starting to wonder how much more of this I can take.

Then I break down and sob for a while, and after a bit I feel slightly more able to cope with things.

I've thought about calling my shrink, but honestly, what's she gonna tell me? I'm stressed and that's making my depression worse, I'm hurting a lot and that isn't helping the depression or my mood in general? I'm worrying about everything, even stuff that isn't actually mine, because this is what I do? She can't tell me anything I don't already know. Plus, I haven't seen her in at least a year; updating her on everything would take a couple sessions, and right now I don't have time in my schedule for that.

And these may or may not all be excuses for not going in to see her, but... I probably will call her if I end up needing surgery for my shoulder, because that one, I'm gonna need some help coping with.

Oh yeah, and I have homework. World War II map assignment for history that's due tomorrow, and possibly a test in my psych class. Should probably check my syllabus re: the exam and see. Not that I'm worried about it. We've been covering the psych disorders this unit. *yawn*
urbandruid: (Vader / Sith Happens (niicoly))
Well, today's going to be fun, in the sense of not really.

So my doc thought I just had really bad tendinitis in my right shoulder. Turns out... maybe not. I got one shot back in October, in a place I don't really wanna talk about, which seemed to do wonders for a while there. Then the swelling and the pain started creeping back up... and this is with prescription-strength anti-inflammatory drugs twice a day. So I went back to the doc in early November. Got another shot, which didn't seem to do nearly as much for me as the last one did... and got scheduled for an MRI.

Which I tried to do last week. Only, it turns out? I'm not just slightly claustrophobic, I'm really claustrophobic. So I'm going back today, they're giving me some kind of conscious sedation (I'd prefer unconscious, actually...) and we're gonna try again.

They said I could take my pills in the morning with small sips of water, but what I really need to take my pills (anti-inflammatories included) is food. Which I can't have for six hours before my appointment.

No food, no pills, nothing to drink- and I'm not really all that hungry, but I'm really thirsty. Bringing a bottle of water to have when I get out of there, but it's sure no fun right now.

Oh yeah, and I'm 1.) still scared to death of the MRI machine of doom, and 2.) even more scared that my doc's right, I've torn my rotator cuff, and I might need surgery to fix it.

If I never need another surgery in my LIFE it will be too soon.
urbandruid: (Vader / Sith Happens (niicoly))
Still alive. Ish. Have an exam in my psych class which I didn't much study for, and am not overly concerned about. I could teach this class. Except I wouldn't, because it's boring and simplistic. I keep telling myself I'm here so the fuckers don't make me take health.

I am exhausted and stressed and tired, none of which is a.) new or b.) likely to change any time soon.

Also have an appointment with my asthma clinic today. No clue which of the docs I'll be seeing, because they never tell me that. And when they do tell me, half the time that doc isn't working that day after all. I was supposed to be recording my peak flows for a month, but the last month has been HELL in 3D, so I've done a week's worth. And they had better not get on my case about it either, because I'm this close to going postal on them already. They've been jerking me around since this summer, and either it stops or I fire them.

Mood I'm in lately, they really want to NOT piss me off.
urbandruid: (Laura has no patience for your bullshi)
I'm starting to remember why I don't take naps in the middle of the day. I woke up shaky- maybe because the phone rang and scared the crap out of me (stupid telemarketers) and my head's full of images from weird dreams. I think I was in a better headspace before I took the nap, except that I was exhausted. Staying up till 3:00AM and then waking up around 9 will do that, which is why I went back to bed. Tried staying up, as I was unfortunately pretty awake, but then I started to get tired again, so I thought, screw it, I'm going back to bed.

I don't know, really. I'll be glad to get this over with, but I'm not really in the mood to go to the doc's. Tired, grumpy... I'll probably feel better if I eat something, since I just realized I haven't yet today, but honestly, right now it's jut too freaking much. This had better go smoothly, and they'd better not jerk me around again, I swear. Mood I'm in right now, I'd slap that stupid twit at the front desk across the face. This is not, in fact, a good idea, despite how much it appeals to me.

I just keep telling myself it'll be fine, the doc I'm supposed to see will be there, we'll get somewhere with this... but if that doesn't happen... *sigh* No more Ms. Nice Patient, you know? Because if being nice and polite and "yes, doctor" doesn't get me anyplace, then it's time for "I really am as old as that chart says I am, and I have really seen that many doctors for that many medical conditions. And we're done playing around now."

Assertive!Patient mode is sometimes necessary, that's all. And no slapping stupid fuckwit receptionists, no matter how much they deserve it.
urbandruid: (Airlock Mood)
I'm in a weird mood today. I go back to the allergist's tomorrow, and even though I'm not looking forward to it, part of me wishes it was today, on the general principal of "let's get it the hell over with." Last time I was supposed to see their food allergy guy, who wasn't there even though he was scheduled to work that day... Argh, it's just too much to explain over again. Here's the backstory.

So far the upshot seems to be that nobody else wants to run the food allergy skin tests, that they want this other guy to do it. Which is fine, if he's there. And I know it was only one appointment he wasn't there for, and that he could very well have a good reason for it, family emergency or whatever. But as first impressions go, being "the guy who didn't show up" kind of sucks. I'm starting to lose my patience with these people, and I swear, if that guy isn't there again tomorrow...

Somebody needs to run the tests. Somebody needs to diagnose me with something. Do I have asthma, food allergies, both? I'm sure it's very interesting academically, but I've already more that met my quota of sitting around in doctors' offices, waiting for them to figure out what the hell is wrong with me this time.

I'll take so much, and then I won't take anymore. I'm rapidly approaching that point. Something will get done tomorrow. If I have to take the gloves off a bit, then that's what I'm going to do. Because I've really, really had it.

Anyway, tonight I'm getting my hair cut, and it's so fucking hot, I'm thinking of just having her French braid it when she's done and leaving it in until after I see the doc tomorrow. Last time I had my hair in a ponytail, and it was really hard to keep it totally off my back while they were having fun with patch testing. Plus, again, it's hot.

I'd really rather not go out at all, but I do need the haircut, so...
urbandruid: (Nametag (jackshoegazer))
Okay, so here's the semi-condensed version of the story. I may not have mentioned this before, it seeming to be too much to try and explain when I was supposed to be busy getting ready for school, but I've been having these weird reactions to foods for the past... uhm, year or two? And by weird reactions think: "Oh shit, is that anaphylaxis?" We've been pretty sure it's a food allergy, and I kept meaning to bug my doctor about it, but for a while it was only a kind of minor reaction, so I kept putting it off. Then last month I had to go chat about prescription refills, and I thought hey, as long as I'm here, let's have that talk about the allergies.

She said it could be a number of things, and sent me for blood tests. We decided to run the blood tests for respiratory allergies while we were at it. So I went for the blood tests, and they came back... normal. All of them. According to the lab I'm not allergic to grass, pollen, mold, pet dander, or any of the major foods they tested for.

I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on the food tests, since I don't think I am allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, etc. But no allergies? Yeah, right.

So they referred me to an allergist. We have a couple big allergy clinics here in town, though I see them advertised so much I wondered about them a little, you know? But my regular doc's office hasn't steered me wrong yet with a referral, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

My first appointment was last week, and let me tell you how much fun it wasn't. I went in expecting to mostly talk about my food allergies, and the respiratory as a sideline, kind of "as long as I'm here..." But their main food allergy guy wasn't there, and they really wanted me to see him. I'm faceplaming at the idea of two allergists, but you know, whatever. What's one more specialist, really? So I agreed to come back and see the food allergy guy, and we proceeded with the exam. Doc checked my ears, nose, throat, the glands in my neck, tapped on my sinuses, and said, "I think you have a sinus infection."

*facepalm*

I do? ...Yeah, I do. See, here's the thing. I know I've been tired- okay, exhausted- since finals week. I've been tired, feeling really draggy, and haven't felt like doing anything. It's also been hellishly hot, and I always feel a bit like this when it's hot. And it's not that I disgree with the guy, because looking back on the last couple weeks, I really don't. If I think back I can see that yes, I was a little too tired, and yes, my sinuses did hurt more than they usually ought to, and yes, there were the headaches, and, and, and... I'm just kind of flabbergasted that I missed it. I think I would have figured it out eventually, in another couple days maybe, but I still felt kind of stupid. *headdesk*

After we had that little chat, I got to have some more fun with testing. They gave me a peak flow test- here, take a deep breath into this machine, blow it out as long as you can, then take another breath- and apparently the reading sucked. Color me shocked; I've never been really good at stuff like that. So they made sure I was doing it right- I wasn't- and tried again. Still not happy with the results. So I got five minutes on a Nebulizer, breathing in some slightly not so great tasting gas, then got to hang out for ten minutes while it kicked it, then another peak flow test. Better results, but still not great.

Next: Allergy skin tests. I was expecting this, and I was expecting it to suck, but.... wow. Just- wow. I'm trying to think of how to describe it... It wasn't the most uncomfortable medical procedure I've ever been through, but let's remember what I've been though. I think it actually might be the worst thing that wasn't done to my eyes. 90 skin tests, in groups of 5, which breaks down to something like 18 groups of 5 tests. Just little scratches really, from needles with a drop or two of some allergen on them. On my back. All over my back. Maybe if I wasn't so little it wouldn't have taken my whole back, but it did. Some hurt more than others; I remember the one on my lower spine being particularly bad. Some were just uncomfortable. Some started itching or burning right away, some took a while. I think one or two might've been minor itches, but most if not all of them were really bad.

The waiting after the tests was almost worse. There I was, wearing a one size fits nobody paper gown, lying on my stomach trying to both keep my ponytail off my back and keep the gown from gaping in places it shouldn't, for fifteen minutes that felt a hell of a lot longer. Itching like crazy and wishing I could scratch something, knowing that was a bad idea. Finally, someone came to read the test and wipe off the numbers they'd used to label the tests. Hell, at least they didn't draw a grid on my back, like some poor patient I saw on House once.

Shockingly, I am allergic to things. Grass and mold type things. Really? you say. I know, I know, it's very hard to take in. So nice to know those massively expensive blood tests worked, too... Anyway. After a sinus CT to confirm my infection (the whole time I'm seeing dollar signs flying out the window...) I finally got to escape. With a prescription for antibiotics, nose spray for the infection, and a sample of the asthma inhaler I've been using on and off since November. And the promise of more tests when I see the food allergy guy.

Yesterday, I was supposed to see the food allergy guy. He only works two days a week, and I made sure the appointment I made was for one of those days. But guess who wasn't there yesterday? *facepalm* I figured since I was already there, I might as well see whoever else felt like dealing with me. Wasn't real happy, though. The upshot? Enter Allergist #2 (naturally the guy I saw last week wasn't in the office, either.) Allergist #2 checks the peak flow. Doesn't like the peak flow. Cue Nebulizer. More peak flows. Still not happy. Allergist #2 actually comes in and watches me do the peak flow. Couple more times. Lots of frowns and "hmm"s.

Upshot? They think I have asthma. Asthma! He wanted to run the blood test to check for food allergies, but I explained I'd already had it. Naturally my doc's office sent the referral but not the test results, but I told Allergist #2 all the tests were negative. ALL of them. More frowns and a "Hmm." I left with more goodies- another fast-acting inhaler sample, a sample of a daily-use inhaler... and scripts for both.

Oh yeah, and in two weeks I'm supposed to see the food guy. (Allergist #3?) Did make them put down a note to call me if he's not gonna be in, so I can reschedule, but I really hope he's there. If you're only working two days a week, you know, working two days a week would be pretty cool. So in two weeks I fully expect a round of food allergy skin tests... and I hope a diagnosis.

My luck? It's probably "asthma, and btw, here's an Epi pen and a list of stuff you should never eat again." So far everybody has asked me if I carry an Epi pen, and frowned when I said no, so I expect to end up with one of those. *facepalm* I'm really still processing this, and I'm not sure it's totally sunk in yet.
urbandruid: (Default)
Remember how I said I might possibly be getting a cold? Yeah. Well, I have bronchitis, which is a first for me and I don't recommend it, and something else, possibly an ear infection- One of my ears is completely blocked, so whatever else the doc said, I kinda didn't catch.

I'm better than I was, though. Monday I was throwing up. I kind of think I did it to myself self-medicating with some left over codeine cough syrup, and not having eaten a lot, but whatever, it's over.

Now if I could only go back to bed.... but no, I have an exam today, and we're taking the kitten to the vet, so, whee, I'm off.
urbandruid: (Jaina / Invisible Girl)
I promised an update, didn't I? Yeah, I thought I had. It's taken me a few days to get to it- and I actually have been meaning to do it for a while.

I guess the easiest thing to do is to group the updates by subject, so, in no particular order-

State of the Kidneys: I had blood work. I had a CT scan. I had other tests, and the less said about those, the better. What did my doctor learn from all this, you ask? #1, by the time the doc decided to do the CT, the stones were gone. The only thing he saw on the scan were really good pictures of my poor inflamed bruised-up kidneys. He thinks I had a couple stones and they passed. No, really? #2, as to the blood work and other tests- half the reason he wanted to do these was to get baseline readings. But at least according to his nurse who called me with the results, all of my results are 'normal', nothing jumped out at them, I'm probably 'just one of those people', etc. *headdesk*

State of the School: I still think they should issue hunting licenses for freshmen. We have way too freaking many as usual. It's about the middle of the semester, and my teachers are piling on the work. Especially my Spanish prof, who is really easygoing but who I think my classmates have managed to royally piss off. Our attendance has more weight on our grades than our exams do, and you get extra credit points at the end of the semester if you have perfect attendance. Which is great, except it means everybody comes to class, even the people who don't want to be there. And all they do is talk. In English. When we're supposed to be working in pairs or groups or even when the prof is lecturing, these idiots are chattering away, texting, answering their cell phones... Today he took roll halfway through class, gave us a ten minute break, and told us we could all leave if we wanted to. He says next time he's just going to tell them to leave. Three people left, and you'd be amazed how much quieter it got after they did. Here's hoping they don't come back.

State of the Laptop Hateway: This stupid fucking computer, I swear to Gods... it's been trying to die for a while now, you all remember the keyboard adventures (I still have keys that don't work, or work very rarely) but now it seems to be spreading to other components. A couple weeks ago, Anna here decided she didn't have a CD drive anymore. And has been unable to recognize that the thing's still there, ever since. Then one day last week my mouse refused to work. It came back, but I'm seeing a sign of the times here. Mom was talking about replacing the computer for Christmas anyway; now we're crossing our fingers the thing lasts that long. Also wondering how much fun it's not going to be to try and get all my stuff off of here without a damn CD drive. (I hadn't, of course, updated my backup CDs in a month or so, as of the CD drive crash.)

State of the Big, Time-Consuming Project: Goes a little like this. School's doing a semester in London in the spring. It's not cheap, but it looks fantastic. My geology prof, who I really like, is one of the teachers who's going, and she clued me into a major national scholarship for students who want to study abroad. I had to write an essay, plan a project to promote studying abroad and the scholarship, send transcripts, and fill out a ton of forms, which is what I spent half of September and the first part of October doing. I'll know if I get the scholarship in mid December, and at this point I've just accepted that I'm going to be stressed beyond belief until then. The scholarship is up to $5,000. Even with the financial aid I discovered I qualify for this semester (*thwap* to the guidance counselor for sucking at her job as usual) if I don't get the scholarship, I can't go. And I really, really, really want to go. I think I have a fair shot, because the scholarship people like junior college students, students who've never studied abroad before, and, yes, folks, disabled students. Check, check, and check. It's gonna be great if it all comes together, but in the meantime it's also been this huge mess of stuff and bureaucracy and red tape and nonsense, and it's driving me insane.

State of the Fam: You guys know I love my family. I do. But with everything that's going on lately my bullshit threshold is practically nonexistant, and hanging around my relations isn't exactly stress free. Sometimes we think Grandpa is doing better than Grandma, which, considering, is really freaking scary. They both tripped and fell last week; Grandpa bruised his knee, Grandma gave herself a hell of a black eye with her glasses. They did at least get checked out by the infirmary people at their nursing home, but still, Mom and I were facepalming when we found out about this. (And note that we found out when we met them for dinner one night last week, when Grandma took off her sunglasses.

State of the Parent: Mom gets her own section, because she's saner than the rest of them right now. Of course, it turns out that her foot still hasn't healed from the fall she took months ago, so now she's in physical therapy for the foot. Only the doc who's sending her for the PT just put her on medicated patches, and while she's wearing those they can't do half the treatments at PT that have really been helping. Mom's been getting that kinesio tape like that US women's beach volleyball player wore at the Olympics, and she says it's really been helping. We're pretty sure all the drug patches are doing is masking the pain, and I know there've been a couple days when Mom has pushed herself too far, because it didn't start hurting when it should have. Mom's considering smacking the doc upside the head. If she doesn't, I may do it for her, 'cause I've about had it.

State of the Druid: Actually, between one thing and another I've about had it in general. It's election day, to which I say, "Thank Gods, now you can ALL shut the fuck up." We vote absentee, I sent in my ballot last week, and I really do not care at this point. California has this charming measure on the ballot, Proposition 8- asshole conservatives want to amend the friggin' state constitution to say that 'marriage is only between a man and a woman', blah, blah, blah. Bigots and homophobes r'us, especally around here. They've been demonstrating for the damn thing in major intersections, the mall, and around the Barns and Noble. I gave them the thumbs-down, each individual idiot, as we drove past on Saturday. I swear they were so pissed they were turning purple. One guy waved his giant American flag at me, like the finger of admonishment. To which I say, it was fucking raining, asshole- flag's supposed to be put away. Honestly I felt like I was very restrained- I didn't give them the finger, or roll down the window and scream at them, which is what I really wanted to do.

I really wanted to dare them to take their little hatefest on the road to San Francisco, and see how it played out there. I'll spare you guys the rest of the rant, but those people really made my blood boil.

In better election news, our illustriously moronic mayor, Alan Autry (yes, that Alan Autry, whom you might remember as "Bubba" from In the Heat of the Night...) decided not to run again, so at least we're rid of that embarrasing idiot. Who always seeemed to be under the impression he ran the county and the state, instead of just the city. IIRC, he wanted to pass a city ordinance about illegal immigration. We're in the middle of California, not the Mexican border. He spent most of his time at Starbuck's and the gym, anyway. I may miss having him to kick around, but... I think he'll be like George W. Bush. We can always still make fun of him.

*sigh* Moving on. I'm so stressed I'm hardly sleeping, or at least I don't feel like I am, and I need a vacation. Oh, and if I could just hear a "yes" from the scholarship people...

Oh yeah, I knew I forgot one.
State of the Ants: Because it's only just now starting to cool down, the little fuckers have been making incursions through most of September, and we found a few in the kitchen last week. I foolshly put on some clothes they'd had access to, and ended up with a TON of bites, 10+, which is not good when you're as allergic as I am. It rained a lot over the weekend and yesterday, and I hope they all drowned.

...I think that was everything. *hugs*
urbandruid: (I Can Kill You With My Brain)
Yeah, I'm still alive. Exhausted, but trying to hang in there. If I could sleep more I'd probably be doing better. Saw my new specialist last week, and am going back next week. If I still feel like Queen of the Kidney Stones I get a CT scan. If not, I get bloodwork and stuff to maybe *gasp!* find out why I keep getting these things, the better to try and prevent them.

Just for that, I like this guy. I mean, I love my NP, but everyone I've ever seen before for the kidney stones has been like 'oh well, you passed it, that's that then, carry on.' Which drives me nuts, because I'm still not normal!

I had to give up coffee, tea, and my Pepsi entirely. I drink water, diet Sprite, lemonade, and juice. I have half a glass of Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, sometimes less, and the kidneys start singing that same old song. "Hey, remember us? You shouldn't have done that." *poke, poke* Strangely I seem to be okay with Starbuck's, but that may have something to do with the fact that usually when I was at Starbuck's I was hanging out for a bit, and rather than be bouncing off the walls I'd drink one mocha, and follow it with the biggest pomegranate frappichino they make. Not even sure if they still have those, but I loved them, and so did my kidneys.

And, you know, I'd sure as hell love to know what caused all this, why one day I was as normal as I've ever been, and the next, 'Boom! No more caffeine for you!"

So we'll see where that goes.

I had a lot of pain yesterday, but I'm better today, so at this point I'm chalking it up to sleeping too much and drinking too little over the weekend. (And we all cross our fingers, because I don't want to have to call the doctor and move up my appointment. Bleh.)

I guess I'm doing alright, though. I've only had to cut one class, last Monday's Oceanography lecture. I felt really bad about it, but it just wasn't happening. I went back to bed around 8:00, and slept clear through my noon class time, so that was probably a good move.

Had a Spanish test on Thursday which he hands back today- I think I probably didn't do so well, but the way he weights stuff, I really don't care. Too much else going on anyway.

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been around more. It's just too much effort a lot of times to go online and try to keep up. I don't mean to worry people, though, and I'm sorry if I have.

And now, off to another fun day of dragging my ass through 2 hours of Spanish II. Whee... Adios!
urbandruid: (Vader / Sith Happens (niicoly))
Ugh...

Okay, to make a long story short:

1.) Have kidney stones. Plural. Not sure I want to know how many exactly, but it's been pretty miserable.

2.) It's too fucking hot, making the kidney stone thing even worse.

3.) I have an appointment with a specialist on the 10th, which I'm really nervous about.

4.) DSL is down, because apparently the phone company thought this would be a good time to mess with me. Yeah. I thought it was just the modem, but the ISP guys say it's the line, and I'm inclined to believe them.

5.) Mom goes to see a podietrist today for this foot thing she's got. We think we know what it is, and it could be kind of bad.

So, yeah. That's where we are. Somebody hug me?
urbandruid: (Default)
To make a long story short-

Probably have kidney stones. Or had. Am waiting for ultrasound results to come back, and have an appointment with a specialist for the 18th. Am going to move that to next week if I can. I love referrals. "Here's your appointment. They just flipped open their schedule, closed their eyes, and pointed at a date. And picked the time out of- well, you get the idea." I think they want me to be there halfway through my Spanish class anyway.

It's too fucking hot, and I have to take the bus home in the afternoons. I'd love to be able to just stay home, drink my own weight in water, and sleep, but I can't miss my classes.

This couldn't have happened over my break why?

Only good news is I'm not in anywhere near as much pain as I was last week, which is what makes me think I've passed all or most of 'em. I still feel like crap, though, so...

If anybody's been wondering where I disappeared to... there you go.
urbandruid: (Ravenclaw)
Ugh... So today's the first day of class. Oh, joy.

It's going to be 94 F, which is a downgrade from the 97 they were predicting last night.

This still sucks.

It sucks even more because I spent the last 2 weeks fighting a kidney infection, the last 10 days or so on major antibiotics, and I still feel like total crap and am hurting in places I shouldn't. I'm going back to the doc on Thursday, unrelated mole removal, and I'm debating if the kidney stuff can wait till then.

Since I spent all weekend popping the painkillers said doc gave me for the infection, and need to take more after I eat breakfast, I'm thinking it probably can't wait. Will call her after I get home from (whee, yay) class.

I don't have class till noon, which'll give me time to fight the bookstore lines and go get my new student ID/library card, if I decide I'm up for that today. And I only have to buy one book, for Oceanography, since we use the same Spanish book for Spanish II as we did for I (Thank you, Professor M!)

I keep trying to console myself about the back to school thing with all the good stuff about school- access to our library, whose nonfic section rocks; no freshmen in my classes; two profs who are really good and whom I like; and, well, I was getting a little bored anyway.

On the flip side we have: State U cut their fall enrollment again, and we know what that means- Freshman Menace, redux; the heat; the fact I feel like crap.

Oh yeah, and I'm exhausted, because I've been staying up later than I should have to watch the Olympic finals in stuff like gymnastics and swimming. (No love to NBC for intentionally putting the best stuff on dead last. And I'm still pissed about equestrian being on freaking Oxygen, too. Assholes...) Network gets nasty letters when I have time to write them.

It's gonna be a long day.

Did I mention I don't really want to do this right now? If it just wasn't so hot... (Okay, I'd still be annoyed and tired, but I wouldn't be as worried about my kidneys.)

Anyway, I apologize for being so out of touch for so long. Kidney infections really suck, and I think I've had this one for close to a month. Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot. I was going to call the doc ages ago, before I thought I passed that stone, but things calmed down, so I figured I was clear of whatever it was. Then it started up again week before last, and I did call her.

And now need to call her again. Bleh.

Kidney infections suck.

I'll tell you this, though- those freshmen had better stay the hell out of my way, or I may not be entirely responsible for beating their ankles with my cane, not to mention all the swearing.

Well, learning new vocab words is all part of the college experience, yeah? ;)
urbandruid: (I Can Kill You With My Brain)
Okay, I'm at skip=80 on my flist, and I've been skimming, so if you posted something you want me to read, let me know here?

Sorry I've been so scarce lately, but school and life have been- well, not kicking my ass exactly, but keeping me pretty damn busy. I have a small ton of homework and I'mt rying to do too much around the house. This place is a complete disaster. I really meant to do more last week, which was spring break, but I ended up spending half of last week sleeping, or dealing with migraines and wishing I could sleep. I endd up with one sample of the good drug the doc gave me left, and one of the "OMG this is fucking with all the veins in my head ew make it stop" drugs, which I really didn't want to take. And rather than taking my last of the good drug, I dug into the stash of painkillers left over from the kidney stones of doom. And if you're wondering why I didn't just call the doc's office and ask for a script, since the samples worked, I did, but my NP was on vacation last week and the office was swamped. So I got them to cough up some more samples, and called back yesterday about the script.

Medical stuff, whee )

I fully expect that when this week is over and my stress level goes down, I'll relax my way into a migraine. That's what happened the weekend before last.

This whole week I feel like I've been going nuts, like I hit the ground running when I got out of bed on Monday morning, and I pretty much haven't stopped since. Too much to do, as usual, and the house is a wreck, like I said, which just contributes to the general feeling of chaos around here. Hence the trying to pick up stuff thing.

Which runs into the "we have too much stuff" thing, and the "we don't have enough places to put all this stuff" thing, and the "we bought new really cheap bookcases at Big Lots but haven't had time to finish putting them together" thing.

I'm telling you, the fun just never stops around here.

In the interest of 1.) cleaning out stuff and 2.) making money, I'm slowly going through all of my action figures, toys, and various other collectibles, and listing the stuff I think will sell on eBay. It's been kind of a pain, and their new fees suck, but so far I seem to be making more of a profit off my stuff than eBay is, so... It'll do for clearing at this stuff.

eBay listing and assorted rambling; feel free to skip )

I really like this whole spring cleaning thing. Actually I like the part where I can get rid of stuff I don't want (so much of it in the "oy, why did I buy this?" category) and get money for it. The part where I have to figure out the gordian knot that is the US Postal Service mailing rates is a lot less fun. I think I need to see if my uncle the software engineer/math guru can write me some kind of program to decode the rate schedule. Seriously, I think the USPS is the next ENIGMA.

And now for something completely different... Spanish class, and the fun I'm not having at school.

Okay. I like my class, as a class- not the people in it so much, but the prof's okay, the material isn't too incomprehensible, and attendance, participation, and homework count for more of our final grades than the exams, so it doesn't matter what I can't spell right or conjugate appropriatly. I have an A. Keeping it isn't too hard.

But. I swear to Gods some days I want to chuck all of my classmates out the fucking window. Case in point. I'm sitting in the hall before class this morning reading the New York Times, which they hand out for free in the library- and a couple of them ask me, "We didn't have class on Monday, did we?"

Cue me facepalming into my paper. "Yep. Oh yeah, and we had homework."

Actually, I kind of forgot to mention the homework until the class before us had left, and I'd seen our prof out in the hall, because I'm evil like that. Morons.

We have a syllabus. Included in that syllabus is a schedule for every day we have class, that says what we're doing. It also says when we don't have class. And I really thought that everybody knew spring break only runs for a week in college, no matter how much longer the public school kids get off for.

Argh. Just...argh.

And now, off to the pharmacy! whee...
urbandruid: (Jaina / Pen Is Mightier)
I need to call my doctor tomorrow. I think I have a sinus infection. It would definately explain why I've been feeling like such crap lately. I hate being sick and I hate going to the doctor, so this is kind of sucking.

In other news, Hillary Clinton is going to be in town tomorrow, and since she'll be speaking a few blocks from campus, I'm going to go see her. My first political ralley. I'm really excited about it, though getting there should be fun- they've closed off most of the streets around where she's going to be, plus there'll be unanounced street closures when her motorcade is coming and going. I'm a bit unsure of exactly where I'm supposed to be going, but I'm taking the cane, and will plead ignorance and handicap if I get really lost.

Should be interesting.

Still nothing from Apple, but Barns & Noble starts taking applications for their seasonal help this coming week, and I still need to call Borders and the mini-Borders at one of the malls. And possibly the tiny B. Dalton in one of the strip malls. I'm kind of limited by location- what's on the main bus routes and isn't in too bad of an area. Sooner or later I'll find something.

I'll try to update when I can, but between the school stuff, the job hunt, and the sinuses, it could be a bit.

Oh, and I almost forgot- Dumbledore being gay. *Watches fandom try to break the internet- again* Really, really, really, not a big deal.

I told Mom the internet was imploding again. Told her why.

"Dumbledore was gay. So?"

I haven't really been keeping up, I only heard about it skimming my flist, but I gather some people have a problem with this? People really, seriously, need to get a life.

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