Friday

Oct. 24th, 2014 02:17 pm
urbandruid: (Default)
Friday afternoon, and I'm here again with my laptop and my boredom. There are things I could be doing, but... yeah. I'm just not really in the mood to stare at the several hundred PowerPoint slides I have to study for next week's Cognitive Psych test. I swear, I can't believe that class is only four units. Seems like it should be five or six for all the stuff we have to do. But maybe that's just me being grumpy.

I couldn't get to sleep last night for the longest time, hence the three chapters of fic I posted over at [personal profile] aurordark. I was tired of staring at the inside of my eyelids, so I figured I'd get up and do something (somewhat) useful. I was eventually able to get to sleep, but I did not want to get up this morning.

Part of it, I think, is that it's staying dark later and later. The sun wasn't even fully up when I got to school this morning. Normally I don't go in on Fridays, but I had a couple meetings to go to today.

One, with the Assistive Tech guy at Services for Students with Disabilities, went really well. I actually went in to talk to him about these new electronic pens they have now, which can transfer your notes to computer. But after talking with him, I decided it wasn't going to work for me. He did have some really awesome ideas about how I can keep up with my notetaking, though. It's been driving me crazy that I can't get every word down, but I literally cannot write fast enough. So I'm not going to anymore.

I'm going to take my laptop or my Kindle and a Bluetooth keyboard and type my notes. I'm also stealing borrowing Mom's camera to take pictures of the whiteboard so I don't have to rely on my crappy drawing skills to copy diagrams and such.

I seriously wanted to hug him for that suggestion. And he apologized to me for the e-pen thing not working out. I was like, no, no, this is awesome, you've been so much help, thank you!

Now I just need to talk to my teachers and make sure they're cool with me typing my notes. I think they'll be alright with it once I explain the circumstances, but the thing is, given my disability, it doesn't really matter what their policies on tech in the classroom are. I have the right to reasonable accomidations, and that covers things like laptop use- even in classes where the professors don't want laptops being used. I'll try the nice approach first, and honestly with these profs I don't think I'll have any trouble, but I have backup in the form of the DSS office if I need it. Which is good to know, and takes a lot of the weight off my shoulders.

All in all I'm doing better today than I was yesterday. I feel productive for a change, like I"ve actually gotten things done. And they're things that are going to help me out in the long run.

I've got about half an hour before my second meeting, which is actually a psychology club workship where we're going to talk about classes for next semester, share dirt on what profs are awesome and which ones should be avoided at all costs, that sort of thing. Should be interesting. I register on November 4th, and I only have the most vague idea of what I'm taking. I know, I know... that's bad of me, I should have it more together than this. It's just that I get so caught up in the day-to-day school stuff, that I forget to plan ahead.

One thing I'm probably not going to do, which I'd considered, was a Women's Studies minor. I really wanted to do it, but it's 20 more units, and I'd have to take another research methods class. I loathed the psych one- though I did seem to have gotten the guy who's arguably the worst teacher of that class in the whole department. I haven't heard a good word about the guy from anyone who had that class with him, which at least makes me feel somewhat vindicated in thinking he's a nit-picky jerk. Anyway. I don't want to hang around for the extra semesters 20 more units would take me to complete, but I think I'm going to take a couple of random women's studies classes that appeal to me. I'm looking at one for next semester, History of Feminism, that looks pretty cool. If I'm really lucky the WS teacher I have this semester will be teaching that too. I really like her, she's very good.

I'll probably never take another class from the Cog Psych prof, but that's a whole 'nother story.

When I woke up this morning I really was regretting my decision to schedule the meeting with the tech guy, and to go to the club workshop, but now that I'm here and I've managed to survive most of the day without killing anyone or dying of boredom, I'm glad that I came. I got some very helpful information and suggestions from my meeting at DSS, and I don't see how the psych club workshop could fail to benefit me.

Plus, I'd just have sat around in my PJs all day if I'd stayed home, watching crap on TV and moping around the house. Sometimes I think it's good for me to get out of the house and have to be around people, even though sometimes I'm not awesome at that either.

I will say, though, that I'll be glad when this day is over and I can go home. It's been a really long week.

Also my arm is kinda sore from the flu shot I got yesterday at the health center, though it's much better today. It only hurts if I raise my arm past a certain point, which is much less annoying than the flu would be. Now I just have to hope everybody else on campus got their free flu shots and aren't spreading it around classes or the common areas. As I discovered last year- or was it the year before last? I don't remember- you can still get the flu if you get a shot, but it's much less horrible. More "hey, I feel kinda crappy" and less "OMG kill me now my hair hurts and I'm throwing up air." The latter of which, I've also had in the past, and, yeah, I'd love to never have to experience that again.

I guess I should start hiking across campus for the workshop soon. I'm just not that enthusiastic about the idea. I mean, I want to go, yeah, but it's literally on the other side of campus. But I chose to spend the day on this side of campus anyway because all that's out on that side are the science buildings. Oh, and the agriculture departments. There's no food over there unless you count the vending machines. Besides, the library has a Starbuck's.

I'm getting so spoiled in college, I swear. :)
urbandruid: (Mythbusters Gasoline (beahogan))
So today is my annual eye exam. I only made the appointment Tuesday, and I figured that wouldn't give me enough time to stress about it.

Hah!

I think, for me, any amount of time is enough to stress. It's not that I think anything is really wrong- yeah, I know I said that last year, too- it's just the irrational fear that comes with having to do this every year, when you're me.

I've had an eye doctor since I was two days old. And even though I know this is where all my medical stress in general comes from, even though I understand it so clearly when I'm sitting in my GP's waiting room and wigging out even though I just need to chat about my asthma or other meds, I tend to forget that this is where it came from. That this is the root of my medical trauma.

It's not that I think my doc will find anything wrong. It's the fact that if he does find anything, it's pretty much guaranteed to be bad. And when all you basically have is vision in one eye, 'bad' can be kind of epic.

So I'm feeling nervous, and freaking out a bit, and trying not to do either. It'll be fine. It's always fine. (Except when it isn't.)

And, note to self for future reference: Re-reading the journal full of ophthalmological horror stories? Not the best way to chillax. Really. That thing you wanted to look up? Look it up, y'know, later.

Anyway. I think I'll go find a book to read or something.

More later, unless I get dilated, in which case I'll be zoned out in front of the TV until my vision stops being all blurry.

Eye update

Apr. 1st, 2010 01:01 pm
urbandruid: (River)
I was right about what was wrong with my eye. Go me. It's basically a blocked oil gland that may or may not have been infected. The doc put me on antibiotic/steroid anti-inflammatory drops, which have really cleared things up. It's still a little red, but the pain's mostly gone, and I'm getting a lot better at putting the drops in.

I'd forgotten how hard it is to use eye drops when you can't see what you're doing. Not having vision in that eye is great if someone else is doing the drops, because you can't blink. Trying to do it yourself is an adventure. Lost count of the number of times I hit my cheekbone, or my nose, or my eyebrow... But it's coming back to me. And I figured out that if I'm really not sure of what I'm doing, I can stand in front of a mirror. I'm not sure why I never thought of that before, except that I've hardly ever had to put drops in just the left eye. The only thing I've used lately has been allergy type drops, and for some reason I'm a little less worried about screwing up with Liquid Tears, you know?

Anyway. I went looking online for some info about my eyelid thingy, which is called a Chalazion, if anyone cares. Let me just advise you now NOT to check Wikipedia or similar for that one, because they have pics, and they're gross. I mean, really gross. Mine was a little pinprick compared to some of the ones I saw. *shudder*

Interestingly, in addition to the symptoms I'd noticed, the pain and the swelling and redness, this also causes light sensitivity. I thought the eye was a little more unhappy with light than usual, but it was hard to be sure. Good to know I'm not going crazy. Well- no crazier than usual, anyway.
urbandruid: (Jaina / Invisible Girl)
I don't know whether to scream or cry at this point. The way things are going, I'd better not cry.

I went to the eye doctor last week for my annual checkup. Everything was fine.

Yesterday afternoon my left eye, the one I have very little vision in, started hurting. I checked it out in the mirror, and the eyelid looked kind of red and puffy, so I put some basic rewetting drops in. Didn't help. Started putting hot compresses on it this morning, which didn't help much either. Now my eyelid's red, swollen, and painful. I can't tell if it's affecting my vision any, because I can pretty much only see out of the corner of that eye.

I'm pretty sure I know what this is. I had something similar back in the 90's, only it was much worse because it was in my good eye. So this scares me a little bit less than that did, but I'm still not having a great time.

I was laying on the couch this morning with a heat pack over my face for almost an hour before I decided enough was enough, and called the eye doctor. I hate to do it, because I was just there, but this is not going to go away on its own, and the pain is starting to really make me cranky.

Thankfully it was almost lunch when I called the doc's office, and the phone rang so many times in the front office that I think they finally had to pick it up in the back. This would explain why the person I talked to seemed to have it together anyway.

Really though, this is why I love my eye doctor's office. "What's your name and date of birth? And what's going on?" Pause. "Can you come in this afternoon?"

Yes, I can.

So, you know where I'll be at 3:15. And it's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I don't want to have to go.
urbandruid: (I Can Kill You With My Brain)
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I actually had a fairly good morning, but this afternoon is turning into One Of Those Days.

I got on the bus to come home, and there was a guy getting off the bus while I was trying to get on. So, no problem, I move over, say "sorry, excuse me," to the guy. He's like, "It's cool."

The driver then says to me something like, "In a hurry to get on the bus, huh? You have to wait, check if anyone's getting off first." Sorta grumpy.

Me: "I'm sorry, I didn't see him." Not even that pissed off. Yet.

Him: "Well, you have to LOOK."

Me: *deathglare* thinking, too pissed to speak, "Asshole, I'm visually impaired.

Next: 30 minutes of me fuming about this, trying and failing to calm down. I decide I'm going to make the driver regret this. Get out my cane, unfold it, make sure he sees it.

I start to get up before the bus is fully stopped. I often do this and I'm fine. I made a grab for one of the poles, thinking I'd just slide to a stop and laugh it off.

I either missed the pole or there wasn't one there. Fell forward onto bus seats. Hit my leg, hip, etc, on seat dividers, hit my jaw, I think, on the bottom edge of the bus seat.

Me: "Shit!"

Other guys getting off bus: "Hey, are you okay?"

Me: "Yeah, yeah."

Driver: Says NOTHING.

Me: Get to door of bus, unfolding cane. Finish unfolding cane, smack the end onto the top of bus steps to make sure it's settled. Smack a bit harder than necessary. Glare at bus driver.

Bus driver: Will NOT look me in the eye, in fact looks AWAY.

Me: Get off bus and walk home.

So now I'm home and I'm still kind of fuming. It's partially my fault, maybe entirely my fault, for getting pissed off and letting that distract me, so that I fell. But there's no excuse for the rudeness from the driver, and no excuse for him not seeing if I was okay.

ARGH!

So, I'm gonna go sit on an ice pack for a while, and see if my face is swelling. I hope to hell NOT, because I still have to go to the bloody eye doctor today.
urbandruid: (moody / got my eye on you)
I survived my eye doctor's appointment yesterday. I didn't feel compelled to strangle any of the staff, for once- usually I get very stupid people who do all the silly little tests before I see the doctor. The kind of people who read my chart but don't, apparently, really read my chart, as they then go on to get my good and bad eyes confused, start at the bottom line of the eye chart, which I've never been able to read on my best day...

It's good for laughs, though. The biggest problem is trying not to burst out laughing while the person's in the room.

Anyway, no funny idiot stories from yesterday, which I'm fine with. They didn't even dialate me, which I'm also fine with. And, thank you Insurance Gods, I can get new glasses. If I can find a pair of frames I like. A lot of the frames they had were very ugly. I finally found a nice one, but it's purple, so they're ordering it in what we think is a goldish-brown (it's really hard to tell from the pictures) for me to have a look at.

And today is back to the doc's office day, to chat about my lab work. I'm not really looking forward to it, but while I'm there I'm going to have them check that my sinus infection is really all the way gone. I'm on my last day of antibiotics, but I still don't feel 100% yet, and it was a pretty bad one.

In other news, the Summer Preview weather continues. It's going to be 80 today. In March. They say we're going to get another cooldown, maybe some rain, before things warm up again, but I'm really hoping that cool-down lasts a while. It's too early for serious summer weather here- we never get much of a spring, just a couple days of weather like we have now, then it shoots up to the upper 90's.

Home sweet home.

Also, I get my art project back today. If she failed me I may have to smack her upside the head. Really.

Oh, and the final word from the eye doc's? 20/60 in the good eye, when I pushed it as far as I could on the eye chart. I tried really hard for the next line, but it wasn't happening. And for those of you keeping score, my eye pressures were within normal, so my days of being Glaucoma Woman are indeed over. (Yay!)
urbandruid: (local girl (beth hart))
I see the moon through the leaning pine trees and bits of cloud, walking to the apartment from the garage (having just come home from seeing Matrix Revoloutions), and for a moment it looks the way that it used to, the way that I'm used to seeing it. For a moment I can forget that there are differences now, that everything is different now. For a moment I can forget the eyes and the pain and just be comforted by the famillar.

I see spectral highlights in the dark now, little streaks of light going off of everything- streetlights, stoplights, bright signs and car head and tail lights. I'm not sure if it's fading or if I'm just getting used to it. I hope like hell it's going away. I would like to be able to look at the moon without having to be reminded every single second of what was done to me with the damned lasers, what had to be done to stop the glaucoma. Oh, sure, I could have stayed on the drops the rest of my life, but there was no gaurentee they would work forever, adn then we'd be back where we started from.

I hope it fades. I just hope it fades. I'm a pagan for gods' sakes- lapsing the way I seem to be lapsing on everything lately, but I am. And it would be nice to see the moon...and the moon. You know?

Movie was strange; will review it later, maybe. Tired now.

NaNoWri is going well, or at least better. Latest word count is 12026. Progress. I had some plotting problems, having to get from A to C with no clear ideas on B, but I talked a bunch of stuff out with Mom, emailed a bit to Lindsay, and between the two of them I think I've found my way clear of things again.

I'm almost starting to think, oddly enough, that I can do this. Write a novel, have it done or close by the end of the month... I'm starting to think maybe I really can.
urbandruid: (bester mask)
The weather is finally starting to turn; it's cold in the mornings, really cold. And there's something about this time of year I had totally forgotten.

When it's that cold, I really don't want to get up. I had to drag myself out of bed this morning, and it wasn't pleasent.

So I saw my glaucoma doc on Monday. I'm still okay, eye pressure is still at 14, which is great; I get to stop my nightly glaucoma drops and (this is the best part) I don't have to set foot in the office for two whole months!

Of course, this puts my next appointment smack in the middle of finals week, when I, you know, really need more stress. But if it seriously conflicts, I'll just move the appointment. (I'd rather move the finals, or cancel them, but somehow I don't think anybody's going for that.)

School is getting boring. Yeah, the Algebra too. She's had us spend two days on something I was bored with and knew how to do the first time she went over it. And my pals in class, one woman in particular, are all so lost... It's factoring, not rocket science. But I guess it's one of those things- you either know what you're doing or you don't. And this poor woman is so lost... I can't help her, and I'm tired of trying, because, well, it's frustrating. You sit there and explain things, but the problem is that she doesn't understand once concept you're talking about. I can't teach her that stuff. That's what we have, you know, an Algebra prof for.

In other news, I spent half of yesterday digging through old Mac disks looking for some files, which I did not find. I have a nasty suspicion they're on the Zip disks I still have laying around. Which I can't get at because the Zip drive on the Mac is broken. It broke two or three years ago- no, longer, because it was before I moved back to Fresno- and I've never gotten it fixed. Tried once, but it came back from the shop up north a mess. They updated my operating system illegally, gave me no backups of any kind, and when they "replaced" (they said) the drive, they didn't bother to tell me what the hell it was. Not a brand or anything. I've tried taking apart the computer myself, just popping the case to see if I can read anything on the drive, and wouldn't you know I can't.

*sigh* Want files. And when I get them, I think I'm going to blow up that computer. Seriously. Piece of junk...

Let's see, what else? Apparently I missed beta appriciation day- I don't usually have beta readers; it's not that I think I'm that good, really. Mostly what I am is lazy. But I'd like to publically thank [livejournal.com profile] bohemienne for beta'ing Emerald and Ebony way back in the day. She really did a lot of work on that, and we tossed the file back and forth a couple times. I saved the file with the comments in it; some of them were pretty funny.

I guess part of the reason I don't have a beta reader or two now is two fold. One, I don't know too many people who know what they're doing, who honestly have the time. And two, some of my fandoms are really obscure. Like, really obscure. So mostly I muddle through on my own, and six months after I post a story I'll be skimming through it and notice a glaring error. And I'll, you know, fix it.

Not the best system, but it works. Mostly.
urbandruid: (marcus)
I think it's time to rotate the icons. I need a few more fandom options.

Monday. My least favorite day of the week, without peer.

I'm back to the eye doctor this afternoon. I don't even want to think about it. I was enjoying my eye doc-free life, you know? I hate it, the waiting and the wondering- what are they going to tell me is wrong this time? I feel fine, the eye hasn't really been bugging me at all, but... Yeah. Nervous, I suppose.

Am re-reading the original Star Wars Zahn trilogy, aka the Thrawn trilogy, aka the- what the hell was the other term for it? The Heir to the Empire trilogy? I'm realizing recently that my favorite EU characters are mostly Zahn creations; Mara Jade, Garm Bel Iblis, Talon Karrde, Captain Pellaeon, Grand Admiral Thrawn. Oh, and Jaina Solo, though she doesn't get great lines in this one at all. Neither does Jacen, but I've always had a little less fondness for Jacen. (Actually, the twins get no lines, as they're newborns, but anyway...)

When I was in junior high, I had a battered hardcover copy of "The Last Command", book 3 in the trilogy, which I carried in my backpack for luck. Those were the days- when I had room for a hardcover in my backpack. Now I can hardly squeeze in a paperback. Incidentally, that hardcover is a lot more battered now, as a result of 8th grade, but I survived it, so maybe there's something to be said for lucky books. Or not. :)

In the back of my mind I'm plotting my stuff for NaNoWriMo. But up front I'm just obsessing over fic. Part of it's because I'm on a bit of a roll with my main Star Wars undertaking, have just come up with a really strange plot twist for "Five things that never happened to Alfred Bester", and I've been bitten by at least three different Alias bunnies. I'd kind of like to strangle the bunnies. Lately my stories understand that I have homework and medical appointements. Bunnies...do not.

Although perhaps my fics aren't that forgiving either. Right now, when I should be chasing down a pair of socks and collecting my textbooks, I'm adding lines to the damned SW fic.

Okay. My little cast of Imperials has to shut up now. They really do. I mean, I'd just love to explain to my Algebra teacher (not to mention my mother) that I'm late to class because my original character and Grand Admiral Thrawn refused to shut up. I wouldn't believe me, either.

Right. School, eye doc... Wish me luck, gang. I'm off.
urbandruid: (irina love)
I'm starting to feel like all my weeks are long.

Honestly. It's Tuesday; feels like it ought to be Friday.

I'm pretty sure it's the stress, but anyway...

So I went back to see the docs yesterday. Dr. R, the glaucoma doc who did my laser procedure, and Dr. M who did the lens implant surgery this past summer. Aaand...

They say I'm doing better.

The laser channel looks good to them, they say it's doing its job, has healed up nicely, and all that good stuff. Also my eye pressure is way down- it was 25 or 26 three weeks or so ago, yesterday it was 14. That's phenomenal.

I had to ask to hear that one twice, just to be sure.

So far, so good.

Also good: the 'blob', as Mom's calling it- the membrane thingy that gave me that trouble a couple weeks ago- seems to have found itself a new home, someplace in my eye where it's not clouding my vision at all. I hope it either stays there or gets flushed completely out of the eye.

And that's my biggest worry right now, and the main reason I'm not saying I'm out of the woods entierly yet. It moved once; it could move again, and go somewhere where it'll be in my way. And nobody wants that to happen; me because it's a pain in the ass, the docs because, frankly, they're still not one hundred percent sure how they'd go about getting rid of it for me if it came to that.

Right now we're not worrying about it too much, just keeping an eye on it- it, and the eye pressure, just to be sure.

I go back in three weeks. You have no idea, really, how much of a vacation from doctors that feels like right now.

I think my lucky earrings must have something to do with it, because it was a surprisingly good Monday.

(Yes, I have lucky earrings. My grandparents gave them to me for my birthday the year before last; emeralds, my birthstone. I love them.)

I got my Algebra test back. It was a scary moment, but it came out alright in the end- I got an 80%! I'd worked out the math, how many points I got out of the points that were possible, and the percentage. I asked my teacher to check my math real quick, and she told me not only had I done the math right (yay me!) but I have a 'B' in the class overall.

A B. In Algebra. Me!

It's possible that between one thing and another, my relations are going to throw some kind of party.
urbandruid: (irina love)
Nonsense title, yes. But I like it.

Sometimes I spend so much time reading other people's entries, I forget I can update this thing at all. Silly, but there you are.

I've been having not really very much fun at all in school, zoning out in PoliSci, pretending to pay attention in computers, and just kind of dragging my way through the math. It's not always this depressing of a picture, but usually.

Will murder my guidence councelor for forcing Comp Literacy on me, if I ever see her again. Bitch.

[livejournal.com profile] dagnylilytable survived Isabel; yay! I'd been keeping an eye on the storm on the news, so I was pretty sure she was okay, but it's good to have these things confirmed.

I owe [livejournal.com profile] bohemienne two emails now instead of just one. Someday I may even write said emails. Really.

I should be writing more than I am; journals, fic, original stuff. It's really hard to keep my balance right now. I have this diary I've been keeping about the eye saga, and I can hardly stand to update it, even though I need to before Monday, because Gods know what'll happen then- and I can hardly stand to update it because I'm sick to death of talking about the eye.

It's like, my grandmother calls, and she says, "Hi, Christine, how's the eye?" Like everything else has melted away and I'm just this...eye. Green, small, with a lens implant and a half-healed stitch and a laser-carved channel so it doesn't develop glaucoma.

I think I like it better at school, among strangers, who don't know, and don't care. Though I hate that I'm so isolated; no one in my age group will speak to me, and I never can get it together to talk to them. The woman I sit by in computers is an idiot, older, married, pregnant- we couldn't have less in common. In math on one side of me I have a boyfriend/girlfriend pair, and on the other, another older woman. Poli Sci, I have girls my own age on either side of me, and I can never talk to them. Every day I watch one of them walk in, and sometimes I nod, or smile, but I can never open my mouth just to say "hi" or "good morning", or "how's it going?" or anything.

And everywhere I look on my breaks there are just- freshmen. Fresh out of high school, thinking they're on top of the mountain when it's the tip of the damned iceburg, too clueless to know otherwise, too impressed by their own arrival at grown-up school... and I listen to them, talking to each other, and I figure I don't want to be great friends anyway, you know? The ones that don't sound stupid sound racist, and those are two groups of people I can't speak to civilly. The stupid people are just too thick, and the racists I'd just be screaming at for the bunch of biased morons they are.

Is it wrong to wish that maybe someday those idiots will meet, in some dark alley, a gang of not-pale people? We have a lot of those in Fresno... hell, I'm sure it would only make the zealots more zealous, but they just piss me off...

I'm too old for city college, not so much in years, but in...just living, existing, realizing there's more to life than City. I just want to climb on top of the tallest building on campus and scream at them that they're missing the whole point. And I can't tell you exactly what that point is, but they're sure as hell missing it.

How dare all my friends move away over the summer, anyway? Leave me to fend for myself out here where people are just crazy, or stupid, or both-

And all this medical shit, it's just making me...edgey. And almost disappointed. Like, all the crap I have to put up with, the horrid tests and the procedures and the pain, and I don't even get a consolation prize? No cute interns, not even some assistant I could flirt with? Hell, I'd like my own parking space and an exam room with my name on the door (and one of those stars, like Hollywood), long as we're on the subject, but I was really holding out for the cute, single, in my age bracket male person. Who was not gay.

I feel, you see, that I have earned this.
urbandruid: (anna)
My eye is a little annoyed with me. It sits there aching in its socket, and I swear to Gods it's talking to me.

What's it saying?

"You bitch, you let them shoot me!"

Not much I can say to that; it is, after all, true.

Wasn't really my idea of a good time, either.

I couldn't get much sleep yesterday afternoon, because the damn thing didn't want to close. Blinking hurt, trying to keep it closed was...really a special sort of experience. Very annoying. So, the end result is I'm exhausted, and I'll be at school all day. Lucky me.

It's lab day in computers. We're doing the internet. I cut Monday's class, which was the Internet lecture. I was busy freaking out about laser beams, and I figured I could afford to skip it anyway. I do have, you know, a passing familiartity with this internet thing.

Maybe today they'll let me play with a browser? Not that that's all that great; I can think of very few things to do on the computer that I wouldn't mind my school in general and the teacher in particular knowing about. 'Cause you know they've got spyware on those lab computers. They always do.

So I'm wondering why it isn't Friday. With everything I've been through, seems like it should be.

Lasers

Sep. 9th, 2003 10:55 am
urbandruid: (bester mask)
I have half an hour before I have to leave for the eye doc's (yet again). It's laser day. I really don't want to do this. I'm told it won't hurt, minimul discomfort, all that stuff. I still don't want to do it.

I understand why it's necessary, and that I'll get an eye condition I really don't want if this isn't done. But I'm still sitting here going, "But you're going to shoot a laser at my eye. No, really- you're going to shoot a laser into my eye."

Yes, and it's for my own good.

In slightly more cheery news, I think I've tracked down the most difficult eliment of my Halloween costume. I may never finish that fabulious black cloak, but it doesn't matter. Have found small Psi Corps pin. Life is good.

Except for the laser thingy.

Shit.
urbandruid: (bester mask)
Blech...Monday. Hate Mondays. I have a math quiz and a Poli Sci test today. Oh yes, and some damned computer disk due which I haven't quite done. And tomorrow Dr. #3, the good-looking glaucoma guy, hits my pretty little eye with a YAG laser. [sarcasm]yay![/sarcasm]

I want to go back to sleep now.
urbandruid: (Default)
I'm seriously considering renaming the journal- something like The Eye Saga, or something of that sort.

Went to class Wednesday, then saw the glaucoma doc. I like this guy- he's nice, normal, smart...actually read my chart, did a very thorough exam... He's also the one I'd heard was cute, and he is.

I had a glaucoma test. If you've never had one, I don't reccomend it. They take this... rounded magnifying glass thing, like a giant contact lens, and put it on you eye. And then they push. It doesn't hurt, but it's about the most uncomfortable I've been in a long time.

I don't have glaucoma, but the way my eye pressure's going, I'm pretty close to getting it. So he put me on some drops to reduce the eye pressure, and Tuesday I'm going in and having a procedure done in which they use a laser to cut a channel in my eye for fluid to circulate. It sounds a little horrible, but I think it's going to be okay.

Anyway, I feel better knowing someone's going to do something now, before this crap gets any worse...

My Algebra teacher rocks. Because I notified her I wasn't going to be in class last Friday, she let me turn in Friday's homework late and still get credit for it. I spent all yesterday doing Algebra, but at least I'll get credit for it.

Anyway, must dash. School.
urbandruid: (kosh)
Eye crap has moved around a little, so I'm not looking through a haze all the time. Which is good. I have to go back to the doctor's today, to see the glaucoma guy. I still don't want glaucoma.

And I am tired of talking about all of this. Really.

I'm glad to be going back to school- glad. At least it'll give me something else to think about, and you know, class isn't so bad...except for the parts where I'm bored to tears, of course...

I hate the idea of having to go back to that building yet again this week. Damned eye doctors. I want to sit down with everybody and get some answers, figure out what we're gonna do and then make plans to do it, already, but that has to wait at least a week. My surgeon's taking a little trip out of the country.

Gods, I'm tired. Damned early classes...
urbandruid: (talia fade)
I was going to try to sleep in today, but I couldn't. Too much on my mind, which I guess isn't surprising.

Saw the doctor on the third floor on Friday. Bleh. He wasn't that cute, and he wasn't that helpful either.

"Wait and see," he says.

Oh yeah. I don't think so. I mean, I'm sorry, but I can't see- that's sort of the point.

He had one idea for how to take the stuff out of my eye, but it involves making about four holes in my eye, for: a light, a little vacume, a little thing to add more fluid, and a little scalpul. Riiight. I have- well, there's a medical term for it, but basically what it is, is small eyes. You think I have room for all that crap?

I don't.

Anyway, I wasn't too impressed with this guy. Wait and see is one reason; the other is that I don't think he's ever seen someone with small eyes before- he didn't know they could dialate me, for crying out loud! Was surprised when the drops worked. So I'm sitting there rolling my eyes in the dark, trying to explain to this guy that I can so be dialated- my poor little eyes can be dialated until you can hardly see anything but pupil. They did it for my lens implant surgery, and it took almost 48 hours to go down.

So I'm going back to see this...person today, and then I'm going back to see my 'real' surgeon, and then we'll get some real work done. I hope. Gods, I hope.

What I was really hoping was that we'd be able to plan what to do last week, on Friday. No such luck, but maybe today. That'd be nice, since I have classes on Wednesday, and I'd like to be able to tell my teachers how many more classes I'm going to have to cut. The fewer, the better, but the eye's got to come first, or not much else matters.

Sigh. Sitting here listening to my Pirates soundtrack, wishing I could just be a pirate.

I never get to do anything cool.
urbandruid: (talia fade)
Well, it's not glaucoma.

It's something a lot weirder.

Everybody has what they call a lens capsul in their eye- a little membrane bag or "plate rack" as I called it, where the lens goes. When I had my lens implant, the surgeon used part of that plate rack to anchor the lens in place. But the part that didn't get used has decided to go for a walk. So what I'm seeing is a skin and tissue membrane that isn't where it's supposed to be. And if you've ever looked at say a peice of dead skin, you know your skin's sort of but not really transparent. It lets light through, but you wouldn't want to have to look through it.

Why does all the really weird shit have to happen to me?

Anyway. I'm cutting class this morning, going back to see my surgeon, and he's taking me to see another doc in the building, the retina guy. I'm told the retina guy is cute, which amused me. If it were any other situation this would be almost cool- I get to visit the one floor of the building I've never been to, see a cute doctor- and for all the docs I've seen, I haven't seen a seriously good-looking one in a long time... But right now I don't care. This just sucks a little too much.

What it boils down to is that this might go away on its own, but I don't know how long it would take if it were going to do that, and as annoying as this is, I don't know that I can wait for it to do that.

Which means someone's going to have to go in and take it out. Surgically. And even more than I don't want another procedure, I sure as hell don't want another surgery. But I can't go on like this. I'm not real awake, but I think it's worse today than it was yesterday.

I can only miss two Algebra classes in the first three weeks, and if I miss a second she'll drop me. Today will count as one, unless the note I'm leaving her with my homework convinces her to take pity on me. And after that it's five absences by the drop deadline- on the fifth she'll drop me. I'm scared of falling behind in math, scared of fucking up my educaton because of my eyes, but what choice do I have?

The entry title is a horrible pun, but it's also the name of my new mostly-finished Alfred Bester Fanlisting. That would be Babylon 5's Bester, not the sci-fi author. Though he's cool too. Anyway, I forgot to run the image map through the imagemapper program, so ignore it and use the links. Sorry. Will fix it later, when I can get around to it.
urbandruid: (bester mask)
Dreams scared me awake this morning; a grey tabby cat like the one I used to have leapt at me, hissing and clawing. Not as weird as the last one, which involved people chasing a rat through a high school I've never been to or even seen, but still pretty strange.

I don't really care about the dreams, though. It just seemed a good place to start.

I'm having trouble seeing things. There's this cloudy film over my eye, like I sometimes get from allergies or sleeping, only it won't go away. Can't blink it out, can't wash it out. I first noticed it yesterday afternoon, but it's getting worse. It was worse when I got up this morning. I tried to ignore it, but when I couldn't, I called my mother. Who called the eye doctor's office, and got me an appointment. I could've called them myself, but even if I could drive, I couldn't do it today, so I figured I'd start with her, let her handle things. I was a little busy trying not to freak out.

My inner eye pressure was up a bit when I last went in for a post-op check. Doc said he wanted to see me in a month, with the glaucoma guy, but that was only a week or so ago. I can't wait three weeks with this, not if it's doing what I think it's doing. See, I don't want glaucoma. And I have this terrible feeling that's what's starting up now. They can fix it, probably, if that's what it is- a little laser procedure to give the pressure a place to go. But I don't want another eye procedure. I'm tired of them. Plus I don't know how it'll affect my vision, and I've got class tomorrow which I cannot miss...

But I really really don't want glaucoma. Or whatever the fuck this is. So whatever they have to do to stop it... I guess I'm on board.

I just- didn't want to be, you know? I wanted to be normal for a while longer. I guess I can't, though. I guess I forgot that no matter what happens I'm never going to be normal, not when it comes to things like this.

Thinking of redoing the journal with a Babylon 5 theme of some kind. Not that I can see what I'm designing, you understand...

New icon is B5's Bester, and don't ask me what the quote means. Right now I don't know. Depressing Evaescence lyrics, and right now it seems to fit. Him, and me in general for the melencholyness of it all.

Okay, so I did explain it, after all.

Please, Goddess, give me a break. I really don't need this right now.
urbandruid: (marcus)
I am so tired; way more exhausted than I was Moneday. I don't want to go to school.

I'm having to fight with the TAs in my political science class so I can have a seat towards the middle of the bloody front row. You would think I was asking for the moon. Talked to two of them on Moneday, and one's like, "well, lots of people wanted the middle seat, I can't give it to everybody..." Bitch. You know what I meant, and middle-ish would do, but oh no, you put me at the far right end of the front row. My bad eye is the left one. Ergo, problem.

I just felt like screaming. Damnit, I'm visually impaired, practically blind in one eye, and still recovering from surgery on the other. Give me a fucking break!

Then I talked to TA #2, who seems reasonable, so I'm going to check back with her before class today, and hope they've worked something out.

Computers is boring. We learned how to change the desktop background in one of my last classes; today it's "these are your desktop icons. These are your desktop icons on crack." Kill me now.

Algebra is almost my favorite class; I like my teacher a lot, and at least it makes sense.

Saw Pirates last weekend; love it. Love it lots. Need Pirates icons.

Got Two Towers last night, came home, and watched it. Three hours of fun.

Oh, and there are hundreds of stupid freshmen pouring over city college- you know, the kind who ought to be still in high school? They must be stopped.

*sigh* Okay. I'm off now.

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